Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
so basically im in a right pickle with life at the minute
am i manic or am i just being a normal youngster ? ?
i'm making risky dangerous impulsive decisions, they could end disastrously but they never do because ive got it in my head that everything must go smoothly for ME because i am ME.
i meet up with random blokes offline in cities miles away at midnight, go back to their place and basically fuck for hours.
i dont like to admit that i do this its not safe its unclean its whoreish.
i just do it though i dont know why i think its a good idea at the time, im lying to my mum to get out the door and do something else that could possibly end in disaster. this bloke could have been a rapist, a murderer a freakish creep who knows i could have climbed into anyones car, a gun a knife. a coffin for me.
then ive spend all of my savings. they've just disappeared. i have no money i've got a holiday in literally days and no money to go with i booked this holiday in a state of pure euphoria and its just so unrealistic.
i've had so many nights out indulging in risky damaging behaviour lately, drugtaking drinking casual sex money spending lack of sleep.
i have exams in a could of days.
i havent even done any work because ive been too busy fucking everything up.
i dont have a doctor. im not officially diagnosed. im only on anti-depressants and my mum isn't aware ive been gonig this crazy because ive lied through my teeth at every lilypad.
WHAT M I GOING TO DO im going to fail. i care so much ive got too much to loose but i'm writing this now knowing its good im aware.
but it wont last long. i'll be out in a few hours. sniffin coke and fucking up things some more.
am i manic or am i just being a normal youngster ? ?
i'm making risky dangerous impulsive decisions, they could end disastrously but they never do because ive got it in my head that everything must go smoothly for ME because i am ME.
i meet up with random blokes offline in cities miles away at midnight, go back to their place and basically fuck for hours.
i dont like to admit that i do this its not safe its unclean its whoreish.
i just do it though i dont know why i think its a good idea at the time, im lying to my mum to get out the door and do something else that could possibly end in disaster. this bloke could have been a rapist, a murderer a freakish creep who knows i could have climbed into anyones car, a gun a knife. a coffin for me.
then ive spend all of my savings. they've just disappeared. i have no money i've got a holiday in literally days and no money to go with i booked this holiday in a state of pure euphoria and its just so unrealistic.
i've had so many nights out indulging in risky damaging behaviour lately, drugtaking drinking casual sex money spending lack of sleep.
i have exams in a could of days.
i havent even done any work because ive been too busy fucking everything up.
i dont have a doctor. im not officially diagnosed. im only on anti-depressants and my mum isn't aware ive been gonig this crazy because ive lied through my teeth at every lilypad.
WHAT M I GOING TO DO im going to fail. i care so much ive got too much to loose but i'm writing this now knowing its good im aware.
but it wont last long. i'll be out in a few hours. sniffin coke and fucking up things some more.
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Good Thursday to you!I've been watching a really long trial on Youtube these last couple of nights and will finish tomorrowHopefully I'll be in the land of nod soon and I hope my peeps are having sweet dreams followed by a great daySending hugs...xo
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
Where to start?
So much to say, and so little chance of any of it making much difference.
Mush, even not counting the Bipolar, you aren't a 'normal youngster.'
You're almost certainly a bonafide genius.
More than your trip, more than your money, more than your classes, somewhat more than your risking getting an incurable and possibly fatal STD, I worry about your hooking up with strangers.
Things may go smoothly. They may not. That's irrespective of you being YOU.
You're very clever. That doesn't translate into being 'invincible.'
I'd prefer it if you didn't risk being physically and mentally abused to any degree, up to and including murder. And maybe not even an easy murder.
After that, I don't want you catching a chronic, incurable, life-altering and maybe even life-ending disease.
I don't want you getting pregnant, if that's a possibility.
I don't want you getting pregnant and not knowing who the father is or, even if you do, he's not the kind of man you want in your child's life or in yours.
All that stuff is more likely to happen and more likely to end badly when you are on drugs, so I don't want you doing the drugs. I don't want you to continue overdoing them, as you are now, I don't want you overdosing on them, and I don't want you doing them when they might make it more likely that you will do all of the other stuff.
No money to go on your trip? Then don't go. Eat the cost of the money you already paid but can't use. You said when you made the reservations that you didn't have the money to make the trip.
What if you flunk out of school? That's a fucking shame. That's a major setback.
It's not the end of the world. Some of that other stuff IS.
My heart really bleeds for you, Mush. It's not like you haven't tried to get help. You made some really good faith attempts to get the proper diagnosis and treatment and the system has let you down.
You may be worse on those anti-depressants than you would be if you were off of them.
Can't say that I fancy the idea of you committing suicide. Which is kind of what you are doing lately amyway, in a roundabout, indirect way.
On the other hand, mania can sometimes end just as badly and being on those meds may be contributing to your mania.
Are there normal youngsters out there doing the things you are doing? Fucking up everything and/or risking their very lives?
No, Mush. There are not.
There are youngsters out there doing the same things as you.
But they're not normal.
They're fucked up.
They may be fucked up by their brain chems, fucked up by the environment they grew up in, fucked up because they picked up the drugs and then found they couldn't put them down, and/or fucked up for some other reason(s.)
The youngsters who are normal?
They aren't out there doing all those things.
Some normal youngsters, once they are young adults, go out and raise a little Hell.
Don't even try to compare what 'normal' youngster behavior is with what YOU are doing.
That's like comparing a normal person being sometimes happy and other times sad to a Bipolar Disordered person being sometimes suicidally depressed and other times totally manic.
I don't know what it's going to take to get you the proper treatment, Mush.
If you have a moment of sanity, can you go to your mother and tell her some of what is going on? That you're having trouble controlling yourself, even if you don't say why? If you do that, will there be any way that she can help keep you from indulging in some or all of these behaviors?
I don't want to lose you, Mush. Are you most likely going to end up dead if you continue on the way you are?
The odds may not be QUITE as high as that.
But the way things are now, it's not going to come as the greatest shock in the world if you do end up dead.
The things you are doing are making it much more of a possibility.
Can you at least get into some therapy, Mush? Maybe once a therapist gets a load of you, he or she can will be able to get you the kind of help you need.
Be even if you never get any farther than the therapist's office, you may be somewhat better off.
The promiscuity may not all be due to Bipolar Disorder.
The past sexual abuse can play a major part in why you're doing what you are now.
Part of the reason that I chose promiscuity was because by making sex 'no big thing', I could try to tell myself that the incestuous abuse I suffered as a child was 'no big thing', either.
And another part was that while I was in the act of fucking, it was like reliving the past abuse only this time *I* was the one in control.
Kind of felt like a 'do over' where I came out on top. (Take that as a pun or not. Either way.)
Ironic that the only time I no longer felt like I was a victim was when I indulged in the very behavior that was used to victimize me.
There was a lot more to it than just those two things.
Looking back after therapy, it was easy to see all the faulty reasoning that I used to make my decisions.
Before the therapy, I saw none of it.
Even if your abuse has nothing to do with your current sex life, from things you've said int he past, you still carry unresolved pain and anger. You could probably benefit from therapy.
I wish you would have gotten the right help when you sought it out, Mush.
I hope that you will somehow be able to find the help you need before you do much more damage to your life.
Print your post out, Mush. And any of the replies that speak to you and that you find helpful.
Keep them by you and read them often.
Try your best to hang on to your sanity as best as your can.
You know we all wish you the very best!! (((((Hugs)))))
Where to start?
So much to say, and so little chance of any of it making much difference.
Mush, even not counting the Bipolar, you aren't a 'normal youngster.'
You're almost certainly a bonafide genius.
More than your trip, more than your money, more than your classes, somewhat more than your risking getting an incurable and possibly fatal STD, I worry about your hooking up with strangers.
Things may go smoothly. They may not. That's irrespective of you being YOU.
You're very clever. That doesn't translate into being 'invincible.'
I'd prefer it if you didn't risk being physically and mentally abused to any degree, up to and including murder. And maybe not even an easy murder.
After that, I don't want you catching a chronic, incurable, life-altering and maybe even life-ending disease.
I don't want you getting pregnant, if that's a possibility.
I don't want you getting pregnant and not knowing who the father is or, even if you do, he's not the kind of man you want in your child's life or in yours.
All that stuff is more likely to happen and more likely to end badly when you are on drugs, so I don't want you doing the drugs. I don't want you to continue overdoing them, as you are now, I don't want you overdosing on them, and I don't want you doing them when they might make it more likely that you will do all of the other stuff.
No money to go on your trip? Then don't go. Eat the cost of the money you already paid but can't use. You said when you made the reservations that you didn't have the money to make the trip.
What if you flunk out of school? That's a fucking shame. That's a major setback.
It's not the end of the world. Some of that other stuff IS.
My heart really bleeds for you, Mush. It's not like you haven't tried to get help. You made some really good faith attempts to get the proper diagnosis and treatment and the system has let you down.
You may be worse on those anti-depressants than you would be if you were off of them.
Can't say that I fancy the idea of you committing suicide. Which is kind of what you are doing lately amyway, in a roundabout, indirect way.
On the other hand, mania can sometimes end just as badly and being on those meds may be contributing to your mania.
Are there normal youngsters out there doing the things you are doing? Fucking up everything and/or risking their very lives?
No, Mush. There are not.
There are youngsters out there doing the same things as you.
But they're not normal.
They're fucked up.
They may be fucked up by their brain chems, fucked up by the environment they grew up in, fucked up because they picked up the drugs and then found they couldn't put them down, and/or fucked up for some other reason(s.)
The youngsters who are normal?
They aren't out there doing all those things.
Some normal youngsters, once they are young adults, go out and raise a little Hell.
Don't even try to compare what 'normal' youngster behavior is with what YOU are doing.
That's like comparing a normal person being sometimes happy and other times sad to a Bipolar Disordered person being sometimes suicidally depressed and other times totally manic.
I don't know what it's going to take to get you the proper treatment, Mush.
If you have a moment of sanity, can you go to your mother and tell her some of what is going on? That you're having trouble controlling yourself, even if you don't say why? If you do that, will there be any way that she can help keep you from indulging in some or all of these behaviors?
I don't want to lose you, Mush. Are you most likely going to end up dead if you continue on the way you are?
The odds may not be QUITE as high as that.
But the way things are now, it's not going to come as the greatest shock in the world if you do end up dead.
The things you are doing are making it much more of a possibility.
Can you at least get into some therapy, Mush? Maybe once a therapist gets a load of you, he or she can will be able to get you the kind of help you need.
Be even if you never get any farther than the therapist's office, you may be somewhat better off.
The promiscuity may not all be due to Bipolar Disorder.
The past sexual abuse can play a major part in why you're doing what you are now.
Part of the reason that I chose promiscuity was because by making sex 'no big thing', I could try to tell myself that the incestuous abuse I suffered as a child was 'no big thing', either.
And another part was that while I was in the act of fucking, it was like reliving the past abuse only this time *I* was the one in control.
Kind of felt like a 'do over' where I came out on top. (Take that as a pun or not. Either way.)
Ironic that the only time I no longer felt like I was a victim was when I indulged in the very behavior that was used to victimize me.
There was a lot more to it than just those two things.
Looking back after therapy, it was easy to see all the faulty reasoning that I used to make my decisions.
Before the therapy, I saw none of it.
Even if your abuse has nothing to do with your current sex life, from things you've said int he past, you still carry unresolved pain and anger. You could probably benefit from therapy.
I wish you would have gotten the right help when you sought it out, Mush.
I hope that you will somehow be able to find the help you need before you do much more damage to your life.
Print your post out, Mush. And any of the replies that speak to you and that you find helpful.
Keep them by you and read them often.
Try your best to hang on to your sanity as best as your can.
You know we all wish you the very best!! (((((Hugs)))))
Where to start?
So much to say, and so little chance of any of it making much difference.
Mush, even not counting the Bipolar, you aren't a 'normal youngster.'
You're almost certainly a bonafide genius.
More than your trip, more than your money, more than your classes, somewhat more than your risking getting an incurable and possibly fatal STD, I worry about your hooking up with strangers.
Things may go smoothly. They may not. That's irrespective of you being YOU.
You're very clever. That doesn't translate into being 'invincible.'
I'd prefer it if you didn't risk being physically and mentally abused to any degree, up to and including murder. And maybe not even an easy murder.
After that, I don't want you catching a chronic, incurable, life-altering and maybe even life-ending disease.
I don't want you getting pregnant, if that's a possibility.
I don't want you getting pregnant and not knowing who the father is or, even if you do, he's not the kind of man you want in your child's life or in yours.
All that stuff is more likely to happen and more likely to end badly when you are on drugs, so I don't want you doing the drugs. I don't want you to continue overdoing them, as you are now, I don't want you overdosing on them, and I don't want you doing them when they might make it more likely that you will do all of the other stuff.
No money to go on your trip? Then don't go. Eat the cost of the money you already paid but can't use. You said when you made the reservations that you didn't have the money to make the trip.
What if you flunk out of school? That's a fucking shame. That's a major setback.
It's not the end of the world. Some of that other stuff IS.
My heart really bleeds for you, Mush. It's not like you haven't tried to get help. You made some really good faith attempts to get the proper diagnosis and treatment and the system has let you down.
You may be worse on those anti-depressants than you would be if you were off of them.
Can't say that I fancy the idea of you committing suicide. Which is kind of what you are doing lately amyway, in a roundabout, indirect way.
On the other hand, mania can sometimes end just as badly and being on those meds may be contributing to your mania.
Are there normal youngsters out there doing the things you are doing? Fucking up everything and/or risking their very lives?
No, Mush. There are not.
There are youngsters out there doing the same things as you.
But they're not normal.
They're fucked up.
They may be fucked up by their brain chems, fucked up by the environment they grew up in, fucked up because they picked up the drugs and then found they couldn't put them down, and/or fucked up for some other reason(s.)
The youngsters who are normal?
They aren't out there doing all those things.
Some normal youngsters, once they are young adults, go out and raise a little Hell.
Don't even try to compare what 'normal' youngster behavior is with what YOU are doing.
That's like comparing a normal person being sometimes happy and other times sad to a Bipolar Disordered person being sometimes suicidally depressed and other times totally manic.
I don't know what it's going to take to get you the proper treatment, Mush.
If you have a moment of sanity, can you go to your mother and tell her some of what is going on? That you're having trouble controlling yourself, even if you don't say why? If you do that, will there be any way that she can help keep you from indulging in some or all of these behaviors?
I don't want to lose you, Mush. Are you most likely going to end up dead if you continue on the way you are?
The odds may not be QUITE as high as that.
But the way things are now, it's not going to come as the greatest shock in the world if you do end up dead.
The things you are doing are making it much more of a possibility.
Can you at least get into some therapy, Mush? Maybe once a therapist gets a load of you, he or she can will be able to get you the kind of help you need.
Be even if you never get any farther than the therapist's office, you may be somewhat better off.
The promiscuity may not all be due to Bipolar Disorder.
The past sexual abuse can play a major part in why you're doing what you are now.
Part of the reason that I chose promiscuity was because by making sex 'no big thing', I could try to tell myself that the incestuous abuse I suffered as a child was 'no big thing', either.
And another part was that while I was in the act of fucking, it was like reliving the past abuse only this time *I* was the one in control.
Kind of felt like a 'do over' where I came out on top. (Take that as a pun or not. Either way.)
Ironic that the only time I no longer felt like I was a victim was when I indulged in the very behavior that was used to victimize me.
There was a lot more to it than just those two things.
Looking back after therapy, it was easy to see all the faulty reasoning that I used to make my decisions.
Before the therapy, I saw none of it.
Even if your abuse has nothing to do with your current sex life, from things you've said int he past, you still carry unresolved pain and anger. You could probably benefit from therapy.
I wish you would have gotten the right help when you sought it out, Mush.
I hope that you will somehow be able to find the help you need before you do much more damage to your life.
Print your post out, Mush. And any of the replies that speak to you and that you find helpful.
Keep them by you and read them often.
Try your best to hang on to your sanity as best as your can.
You know we all wish you the very best!! (((((Hugs)))))
Perhaps you can be referred to someone to get some help started..
Big hug for you sweetie.. ..x
Perhaps you can be referred to someone to get some help started..
Big hug for you sweetie.. ..x
Perhaps you can be referred to someone to get some help started..
Big hug for you sweetie.. ..x
stop taking the anti-depressant.
go to the hospital - delay exams!
get well, - then finish exams. pay a second time.
get well now!
im trying to lie low
i just can;t stop cleaning
i didnt go out and take more drugs im going to cut it all out
im going to ring my CPN tomorrow see if she can help me explain some of this shit to my mum.
thanks carla you're a gem :) i don't know what i'd do without your responses half the time they just cement me to reality again. it can be tough. but incredibly refreshing x x