Part VII...After being hospitalized as many times as I have, it was easy to lose hope, self respect, and my own dignity. I never thought there would be a day that I would care again, to be motivated and look after my health, for I couldn't see a future beyond a certain point, and because of this I was quite depressed and suicidal.

A few years ago I thought by falling in love again and not being alone all the time would help see me through, and it did for a while, but without seeing a future on how a relationship could work just lead to more anxiety about the future and having the feeling of more failures.

Part VII...It takes courage, especially when you are not the best, to make changes. To get yourself out of a stale environment to unburden yourself of whatever it is that may be triggering you and your mental health. Even though I had an idea of what would help, I really didn't want to go out of my comfort zone. So many people don't, but without risk there is no reward. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and act. I felt I wasn't ready for the changes I was to embark on, but then again I probably would never have been ready, but someone forced my hand, and I acted.

If I wasn't on the right medication at the right dosage, I know the events that unfolded would have lead to other hospitalizations, but I am so thankful that this hasn't been the case, that my resilience is now building and with it my confidence. My family are starting to realise the length of time I have remained well for and I think they are gaining hope for my well being as well. Although their attitude towards it can be confronting sometimes, but maybe they too are thinking that the worse is behind us. I myself pray to God it is.

Due to my travels over the past 18 months, I find I have something different to talk about other than just focusing on my mental illness. I have developed my social skills and seem to be a much happier person, always talking about my plans and what I will do next. I find that every time I make a move I remain one step ahead of myself, I've never really done this before, always thinking the next step would be my final destination, but life doesn't work that way, and the clock keeps ticking, life constantly asking us what it is we are going to do with our time.

Maria now understands why I plan the way I do, and she has decided to go on the journey with me. We know what we are doing, where we are going and why. We are aware of the obstacles that may be in front of us, and ready for anything that may be unforeseen. I am so happy she is assisting with my recovery by being supportive and understanding, even to the point where I realise, its not just my journey anymore, and that in fact it is now ours.

I do care again, I have found motivation, reason and purpose for what I am doing. I feel I have the strength to give up some bad habits and develop new ones again. I do this for her, but deep down, I know its for my own well being, and imperative to my recovery.

Ref: www.boxrep.blogspot.com