Teach?

I’ve tried. They aren’t receptive to that

Maybe write a letter? Maybe written information to read? Maybe find a friend who understands and supports you. Perhaps an in-person support group. Just brainstorming some ideas. My family was the same way. It took them 20 years to come around. You're not alone!

I don't know kisses - I struggle with myself a lot too - and I've tried to understand things - tried to be self responsible - but I think you shouldn't put the expectation on your family... I think you need to focus on how YOU react to them and sort it out inside you ..It sounds they are really important in your life and like they really support you in a lot of nice, generous ways and my family does as well,but sometimes I go down a rabbit hole and become reactive.
I would say if you can - get a therapist to talk to about your managing - so that you have someone to confide in about those moments when you're hurting -
but I don't think your family can change - nor is it fair for them
to orbit you in that way. I am learning this too. It sounds like you may be having a bad day... I hear you! Keep on keeping on.

I know what you mean Kisses. Its hard when others arent willing to learn or change. My family is like that. Good luck to you.

Actually I’m having a very good day. And I don’t believe they are incapable to change but I do think they need to look at themselves and learn better communication skills and I know they can because I have.
I do love my family and they are hugely supportive. I just know we can communicate better. I had this realization as I sat in IOP. I realized I have the skills to communicate effectively but they don’t.
And unfortunately this has happened at work as well where I am communicating but my coworkers were not. I was just wondering if anyone else had this problem

I'm sorry to write this Kisses because I know it's not a solution that you want. What I found with my family is that more times than not, no matter what I did, what I learned, or how I behaved, nothing made any difference. They are Them and Them will not change(unless they want to), and I could not change them. So I had to change by accepting that they wouldn't. You can lead a horse to water, but you can not make the horse drink.

That’s the unfortunate reality, mlro. I just address things as they come up. It’s not like they are terrible people, they’re not. We get along well enough. Well, me and my parents do. My sisters not so much. It’s them I’m worried about.

Not the answer I was looking for Pema but that’s ok. I am borrowing the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People from my library. Maybe that will help me.

So Perma's answer was ummmm.."to the point" but it has merit.

Just because we learn how to control our issues, and go to therapy and learn to communicate through our anxiety, depression, irritability, past trauma's etc. does not mean we should expect everyone else in the world to be able to reciprocate the same kind of communication. That would be a perfect world.

We don't really get to say "who's way is right or wrong." Part of learning to be a good communicator is learning to deal with people in different ways successfully. Accepting people for who they are and not expecting them to change to suit your needs. Because the World is not about changing to make things easier for you....its about people being adaptable to each other's differences.

I do have a Ph.d, and tons of skills and can communicate with the best of them....but I don't get to communicate the same way with everyone in my life, its not "one size fits all." How I talk and interact with my sons is 1 way, friends another way, employees a different way with each person, Dr.'s a different way, Professionals and Colleagues a different way. The most difficult to deal with in order, Sons, Employees, Friends. But that doesn't mean any of those groups don't have skills or aren't able to communicate or are at fault, we just don't do it the same way, so it takes adapting and willingness to accept that sometimes its not going to be the exact way I want it.

People are different and you can bet on the fact that there's never going to be a perfect world where everyone in your life communicates the same way or the exact way you want them to. You do the best you can, you take care of you, do what you need to do for your best Mental Health, and don't expect everyone around you to use every skill that you do because it works for you.

Ya know, my oldest son, from the day he could talk, can out-argue a fence post....and he does, and he's good at it. I learned a long time ago that there comes a time in the "conversation" regardless what it's about, that I have to just shut up and walk away, for my sanity. Otherwise I tend to want to put my fist through his face. So II go away, chill for a bit, do something else and come back to the conversation later, and things get resolved. But, no I can't make him see the logic of "doing it my way" so I'm not going to bang my head against a wall, or not talk to my child. See he's been in and out of Therapy for many years as well, since he was 9 and specifically learned skills and how to communicate, but he learned different ways. And who's to say who learned the right way....

I think it’s a good good thing to have awareness. But important not to be judgmental toward people who maybe don’t have so much awareness. I’m still learning effective ways to communicate - in family, in workplaces, in relationships.

I don’t talk openly about having therapists or mental health issues out in public, but I know I have been exposed to more thoughtful practices than maybe others who have been in a different path than me. I guess I try to harness strength in that.

I just bought a workbook on DBT therapy. I've never had that before, but it looks very helpful. After doing the book, I would like to have a few sessions with a therapist. My husband's work has an employee assistance program and I think I can get 6 sessions for free. I'll do my part, but OlderCPer made some very good points. Everyone is different and we need to accept that. Sometimes walking away is the best answer.

Kat you make some good points. You’re right about everyone communicating differently. I will keep working on my communication skills and try to find something that works for everyone in my life. I can keep learning and growing and that doesn’t mean everyone in my life is growing with me or even in the same way. Thank you all for your wisdom :)

Kisses it's painful and hard to realize they may never "get it" and that you will have to come to acceptance...

I too struggle with this a lot and I'm starting to wonder if everyone is society is so emotionally attached to every little thing these days, I've been losing friends as well and it's hard to keep them over simple disagreements, My dad disowned me because I didn't go in the same footsteps as him, he offered to take me back if I went in his footsteps again and I said no and he sent countless hateful text messages to me. I lost a friend because I didn't like the game overwatch. For some reason these things just didn't happen back then but now every fight everyone holds a grudge towards everyone....Even I been having trouble forgiving others myself and moving forward. I'm wondering if this will be the big change to society especially after being lockdown