Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I feel like I'm drowning. But not the part right before you die. The part where you feel like you have to take a breathe but you know if you do it's game over. I realized today I've been holding my breathe. And I don't know for how long. Maybe years. My whole life I've had my future planned out. And now that I'm 18 and starting to do it. I know it's not what I want. I tried telling my parents. And they basically said I'd be a disapointment. I don't understand, my whole life my mom was my BEST friend. My safe place. Why is she suddenly so toxic? Why has she become the place that makes me feel like I'm worthless. Don't get me wrong, there's good days. Days I do things right. But most days I can never do the right things or be enough for her. I try to tell her how I feel she basically invaildates me. And shes never done it before. This place I've called home for years, no longer feels like home. It's cold and unfimilar. Maybe I'm just finally opening my eyes and seeing the truth. Maybe I'm a different person. I mean I am. But im finding myself. Isn't that normal. Im not a complete differnt person. I'm just tryna be more..me. I have a place I can call home. It's a person but it's still home. my mind is everywhere, I can't explain my mind, and I hate it.
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I've been on high dose prednisone for pneumonia, and now I am slowly weaning. But lots of symptoms I don't like having, plus overeating has put at least 10 lbs on me. The food is "loud" as the GLP-1 users refer to it.Also pressured speech. Which comes out in my posts. Sorry I posted so much. I just need an outlet for my agitated and irritable brain. Just scroll on by my posts, if they are too...
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Has anyone heard from Jenn, she had an adult son with aspergers, Eric, they lived a long time with her grandmother, then they moved into an apartment. She had a funny little picture if I recall of a short dark haird woman as part of her name in a red dress.There are so many people who have dropped away from this room...I wonder where they are, and miss them. Wishing that DS could become what it...
Perspective on family can sometimes sharply pivot around 18 as parents go through something like a grieving process in preparation for you leaving home, sometimes the path they take for that is pretty brutal for all.
You say you have your future planned out but now you are starting on that plan you know it's not what you want. I think again that can be something that alot of us go through, I sort of recognised the mistake I was making but didn't have any real support in changing direction but I sort of regret it. Perhaps you can change your plans?
18 is such a Hard Age....so many roads to choose from, so many questions of day to day life and future....never mind being bp....what you are experiencing is So Normal.
I have a son who is 24, he doesn't have bp, he has high functioning aspergers. Trust me we have our Go Arounds...Big Time. Right now we are working on his goals for the next year. Breaking things down into manageable chunks so he doesn't get overwhelmed.
If you are 18, look up what you are interested in doing, that your mom thinks might not be the right path....Go to the Dept. of Labor for your state, there might be training programs, apprenticeships or education for before college/employment support etc...I have that in St. of CT....Look up Social Services....my son has a case manager through an agency...we're waiting on supportive living apartment to teach him independence and living skills...he has a part time job on sat/sun.
Maybe with your mom, just say "Mom when you get some time could we sit and talk...would you please tell me why you thinking what you are...just sit and listen.....
One thing I've learned is that when I try to get into my son's head things Go Very Wrong....trying to mind read creates so many problems. It's normal for you to start to speak up for what you want....maybe Mom is feeling frustrated cause she helped you so much along the way and now you are changing your mind? I don't know.
Just take lots of deep breaths....maybe sit and really think/journal here?/look for support here for how best to move forward...tiny steps :)