Cry it out and then take a nap. When you wake up try looking for solutions, but stop yourself when you start having bad thoughts, they wont help. Hopefully this helps.

I'm sorry for your troubles. I think getting a part time job to help support yourself is a good idea. Your husband doesn't sound like a very nice or understanding man.

Sounds like you are in a challenging situation of walking on egg shells, hubby/son issues and on top of all that, marriage/financial/physical pain. Way Too Many things to address at one time, perhaps sit with each for a bit to find what your best avenue, to bring peace into your life. Going to work part time might be good for $$ and socialization, challenging with body pain/mental pain...guess it comes down to priority of needs. All the best to you as you find your road.

Breaking codependency cycles ain't nuthin' easy nor schmeezy. Even lawyers and pharmacists seem to powerless against the living mosaics and habits of it. I, personally, have channeled my codependent cycles into work-a-holism as readily as I channeled it into personal relationships. Among the members of my peer support network, the channels for codependency seem to be pretty infinite.

When the codependent snittery is unmanageable between hubs and I, I spend allot of time with my peer support network. I include groups that develop my career options in my peer support network.

But that is me. . .

Gentle support while you figure out what ^it^ is for you and what works to ease the pain and vulnerability of ^it^, Jan.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Big hugs.

I remember you from a long, long time ago. Sorry to hear you are going through such a struggle. I always say there is nothing worse than physical pain piled on top of Bipolar Disorder. I don't know what is causing your physical pain, but I always tried to fight the pain meds. For one thing, they lose their efficacy if you take them too long, and then you need more to get the same effect.

One thing that helped me was exercise. Both physical and mental. Start slow, and build up your strength and endurance. Keep track of this, along with moods and what is happening in your life on a mood chart. That is what has helped me for going on 11 years now. I even kept track when I was so ill I could not get out of bed, and it has always motivated me to try a bit more, and that has stabilized my mood.

Welcome back to DS!

Thanks wow I can not believe the responses I got I was shocked you all have made my day to feel thought of and cared for is what it made me feel today will be a good day I wanted to get back to you all individually but I see I can not do that so I have to recall what each of you said hard to do my memory from past childhood trauma isnt well but here is goes.

I know sitting around dwelling isnt good I try to keep busy I know my self esteem thanks for the link I already copied and pasted it needs improvement I think it will get there once I can find a part time job I dont want to go thrugh a divorce but I dont see it getting better and my feelings have been so hurt I dont think I can go back

I also asked him to see a therapist with me and he said no if you would just do what I say we would have no problems. Thanks got your support I do work out it keeps the anxiety better at bay and keeps me from having to take my anxiety med too much they can be addicting also I mood chart i made up my own and you can see some of the ones I have at my new group here mental health support community but the one I do at home is different I created it in word and printed a bunch out to fill in

Thanks again u all mean a lot to me hope I can support you as well Jan always

Oh yea and as for crying i think I am numb I try to let it out my feelings have been hurt so bad I know I need a good cry really really bad but it wont come out I dont know what to do about that I start and then it stops it is building inside of me I can feel it I dont understand why it wont come out though I suppose I am more angry at myself being in such a position of not being able to get out of this un healthy situation that I am 45 and not able to take care of myself LOL

It our pleasure to serve and help others. With each other we can be lifted up and supported, so we can be strengthen and support others. Your heart is a gift to you and to others. Blessing's to you Jan4jam.

you do not deserve the utter crap that this man is throwing at you and putting you through every hour of every day! I was with my ex since 16, for 26 yrs. I knew I was miserable, but thought it was better for my boys, they were 11 & 18, if I toughed it out until the youngest was through High School....I had been miserable for years, I figured 6 or 7 more years wouldn't kill me. But I happen to see my youngest's journal one day while straightening his room...and what I read, what that innocent, lovely, happy child was feeling living in our home....well I was separated and moved out into my own apartment with my youngest son in 3 weeks.

As women, we tend to tell ourselves there's some good reason why we stay in relationships and marriages that do nothing but hurt us and the ones we love....I can tell you, there's no good reason to stay in a relationship with the man you've described.

Good luck on the part time job search....and I hope that your able to grow a thicker armor for yourself in the meantime, and not let what that jerk says to you mean so much.....he's not right...he's just mean.

Take care,

((((confidencebuilder)))) & ((((OlderCpr))))

You do not know how much your support means to me. I really appreciate you all shedding some light to me. I know this is all not my fault but when caught up in it I always feel it is my faulty only because I do not work. I am trying but it is not working out I have a lot of physical alignemnts too which are painful too much to post even a lot of arthritis and nerve damage which can not be fixed I have had many procedures which leaves me feeling guilty not being able to help more financially.

It is always about money if I say something like wow our neighbors are doing a lo t of work on their home it looks beautiful that leaves me open to yea well dont you think I would be doing the same thing but they bring in two incomes then I feel like a burden and worthless

I do get SSDI and I pay the jeep payment and three credits which takes most of my money I do not get much but am left with nothing after I pay them I feel there is no way out because i have no way to save I know I would get alimony and my bro eldest Kc said he would get me a good lawyer but what about while we are going through the divorce I would be living here he would put me through hell I can not ask my brother to pay for an apartment for me I just cant I have been on my own since 15 lost my Ma at 5 and my dad at 13 and lived with my brothers and moved out at 15 never asked the for anythng even when I was homeless for only a week

MY brother KC owns several bar and grills called the Wood N Tap in CT I do not know what to do anymore the thing is he is trying now but he has put me through so much these last two years I feel I can not forgive once I use to and then it would just go back to the usual I cant help but feel it will fo no where like I said he will not go to therapy with me which tells me he doesnt want to work at it or taker responsibility for his faults.

I dont know I appreciate you all I feel so alone I just wish I could work and be on my own I wouldl not need half of these meds at all most of them are so I can cope living here I had a major panic attack tuesday and it was the worst I have ever had I was driving too I got so nervous I actually which I never do called him in my jeep to hopefully get him to talk me down all he did was yell what do you want me to do for you I almost lost it pulled out in front of someone finally i pulled over i reached out to my brother too much and he just doesnt know what to do and I cant bring myself even though he has a ton of money can not bring myself to ask him for finacial support see my other bro Kurt the middle one he abused my bro kc good will and kc paid his bills and rent for two years and now I dont want him to think I am like kurt plus I would ask in a way if I knew I could actually make it on my own he has me believing i wouldnt make it I know he is playing me but I am worried onece I am out of here and saay my bro helps me get into a place what if I do not get much in alimony and I end up not being able to afford the apartment then I will always need myb ro to pay and I dont want to do that to him be a burden I feel where ever I go I am... Lost a lil but something has to give I have to have faith like I always say

Have Faith
Give More
Expect Less
Be True To You....

Sorry again so long thank all of you for your time and thoughts it makes me feel less alone.... I am glad I have my personal support group not that I dont like it here but i have known those people for years I am happy here again I thank you all=D Jan

So, if your brother has these businesses, could he possibly give you a part time job, something that might work with your limitations, or,I don't want to word it to sound like you wouldn't be important, but if you had to miss due to illness it wouldn't be a major deal. You wouldn't be asking for a hand out, more of a hand up, so you can work towards getting to a better situation.

I'm not sure what State your in, but in many States, you can get legally separated and be awarded alimony while your waiting to get Divorced. Like here in NC they make you wait a year to get divorced, (most ridiculous law in the world!) but they allow for temporary alimony judgements during that year period so your not forced to live together. Just a thought....

can you take a breath? it sounds like you are completely overwhelmed and as suggested try to deal with one thing at a time, baby steps. you have a lot to contend with both physically and emotionally but take comfort from all the support you have here. give yourself time to make these serious decisions and perhaps have just a conversation with your brother about your options. as oldcperson said maybe he might be able to give you a part time job if you are up to it physically. husband needs tobecome wasband (as ginawonders used to say!) if he continues to refuse to get help. you need to do what is best for you in any given moment and sometimes that means sitting still for a while and working out the steps to take. good luck with it all and keep us posted. hugs

Big hug for you sweetie.... I would tell him I am not going to go on living this way... I am done
Can you get into some therapy for yourself sweetie?... This might be a good start to help you build some confidence
This is mentally abusive and robs you of self esteem and shame on him for that
Huge hug and a blessing.....xo

Thanks all my brother KC who owns the bar and grills lives in CT I am in NJ but yea someone said about the legal seperation I am going to consider that and yes IO forget who posed it yes I have to take baby steps I am over whelming myself some days I sit and think too much which just ends up upsetting me and I get no where I tried applying for work etc but with my physcial limitations I dont know if I would be able to do it and failing would really hit me hard in the same respect I dont want to have any regrets by not trying I am going to take it easy he has good days with me what I do is read and I block him out it is kind of an escape I guess for me which helps me

He is going back to working in the days starting next week tomorrow so i will have some time to myself I looked up alimony in the state of NJ we have been married 10 years and I will get alimony for ten years it depends on how long you are married for how long you will receive it. I need to make a call after i relax some to a lawyer to get a amount from him about how much I could possibly get monthly an estimate nothing here is in my name the house our bank accounts are seperate he made it that way credit cards absolutely nothing is in my name except the jeep my son drives which I would take and then my son could drive mikes truck and mike could drive the new jeep I drive now the thing is my son is 21 and he needs me still he is having some issues and I am scared to leave him here with mike mike doesnt even talk to him it is such a long story he just blocks rogi out me ancd my son are very tight I think he would want to go with me he has told me that before but I could never afford it he is working but has to get his u know what together abut what he wants to do with his life he is working part time at sams club right now and they lowered his hours he got a dwi so when he gets his license back he is going to join the electrician union and get on their list and go to the trade school at the same time for it but right now he isnt making enough to help me if we shared an apartment I need to take it easy like someone said I am very over whelmed u r right thanks all the last few days it has been better but I am not responding to him I am ignoring it and not letting it get to me and have been meditating LOL Jan always