Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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How to get past the things you did while manic

SullenKitty
SullenKitty

Im having a really hard time forgiving myself and moving on from the things I did while in a manic episode this summer. I had numerous affairs and one night stands and had zero remorse for anyone I hurt until I came out of my mania. Now it's like the guilt and shame and anxiety over being called out on things is magnified times a million and it's eating me alive. I feel like some crazy person that looked like me ruined my life and left the real me to deal with the fallout. I try to tell myself you can't change the past so just move on, or you can't blame yourself when you had no conscious and was literally mentally ill at the time but I can't seem to shake the awful feelings. 


If you've ever done something terrible while manic that you completely regret and feel horrible about, how did you rationalize it and get past it? Do you think we still should hold ourselves accountable as if we weren't manic? 

arfie
arfie
I feel better about myself when I hold myself accountable for what I do in manic episode. Some days more than others. . . In my personal herstory, the hyper-sexuality wasn't the most *colorful* part of the mania. When I am able to make amends for any damage I caused, I no longer need to get past it. Who wants to forget the warmth of forgiveness?

As for the ones where amends aren't possible. . . Works in progress. . . My greatest certainty is that beating myself up over it doesn't help.
Sunshinegirl0228
Sunshinegirl0228
Well everything you did is just a symptom of this illness. Accept that you did those things and make amends where you can with those you hurt. Love and hugs to you
OlderCPer
OlderCPer
You can't change the past, you are correct. But you can do the best you can to work your Treatment plan and put safeguards in place so that if you have another Manic Ep. your not out doing the same kinds of things. The behavior you mention isn't just about hurting other people, you can be risking your life. When you know that's the direction you tend to go in, then you you put safeguards in place while your in a regular frame of mind to keep yourself from getting back to that.

As for forgiving yourself, its not really about that, you just have to let it go, and tell yourself your working hard to do the things needed so that it doesn't happen again. If you get hung up on forgiveness for everything you do that's "unacceptable" its going to hault your progress to Stability.
polarbare
polarbare
Wow - I think we all feel this way - I know I do - my behaviour while manic does not represent me at all - I think that's the place your at - reconciling that you are not this other person who did all these things - but family and friends can't fathom that's you not in control of your illness- I know it's hard but forgive yourself for something you had no control over - make amends where you can and move on to a fresh start - make 2018 a year that you put the past in the past and be proud of yourself in doing everything you can to be a better version of you -lots of people have chapters in their life that's not read - yours was just more public - give yourself the break you'd give another in your shoes ---((hugs)) polar
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