Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Up until the age of 40 I had a fairly normal life. I had a career I loved. A husband I loved. Friends I loved. Then in 2005 I had a manic psychotic episode that landed me in jail/hospital and I lost everything. I scared off my husband. I scared off my friends. I lost my house. I lost my money. My immediate family barely stayed by my side.
Since then it's been a roller coaster. I had to go on disability. About every 3 years I end up having psychotic mixed episodes that involve jail time and/or hospital time. The things I have done have been humiliating and hurtful. After every episode I have to reconstruct my life.
Consequently I've become a recluse. I have no confidence. The med cocktail I'm on is working for now, but I stay mostly "down", which is the "safe" place for me to be since I have hair trigger mania. I've gained a lot of weight, and if I exercise I run the risk of going manic. I have no friends. Zero. Partly because of the stigma of this illness and partly because I keep losing any new ones I make when I have another episode.
I've tried psychotherapy and it really didn't help other than it taught me to live in the moment. I've tried volunteer work but alot of places won't let you volunteer if you have an arrest record. Also I'm finding it harder and harder to relate to people.
I'm so lonely it hurts sometimes. I miss hugs. I miss laughter the most. I use to be a funny person, and I have tried to use my humor in coping with this illness, but life is just soooo different than it was ten years ago. I'm not even interested in any of the things that use to bring me joy. Life is simpler now, but sad. I am a humbler person.
How do you make friends and create a life again when your illness is so destructive?? Every time I start over again I lose it all again and I'm so tired of the pain.
Since then it's been a roller coaster. I had to go on disability. About every 3 years I end up having psychotic mixed episodes that involve jail time and/or hospital time. The things I have done have been humiliating and hurtful. After every episode I have to reconstruct my life.
Consequently I've become a recluse. I have no confidence. The med cocktail I'm on is working for now, but I stay mostly "down", which is the "safe" place for me to be since I have hair trigger mania. I've gained a lot of weight, and if I exercise I run the risk of going manic. I have no friends. Zero. Partly because of the stigma of this illness and partly because I keep losing any new ones I make when I have another episode.
I've tried psychotherapy and it really didn't help other than it taught me to live in the moment. I've tried volunteer work but alot of places won't let you volunteer if you have an arrest record. Also I'm finding it harder and harder to relate to people.
I'm so lonely it hurts sometimes. I miss hugs. I miss laughter the most. I use to be a funny person, and I have tried to use my humor in coping with this illness, but life is just soooo different than it was ten years ago. I'm not even interested in any of the things that use to bring me joy. Life is simpler now, but sad. I am a humbler person.
How do you make friends and create a life again when your illness is so destructive?? Every time I start over again I lose it all again and I'm so tired of the pain.
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Lets make ot a good beginning to the weekHow can we start the day off on a positive note!I have several chores planned that I have been putting off but I'm determined to accomplish todaySo I'm feel grateful for accomplishmentsI hope that you all have a fabulous week!!Sending hugs...xo
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You may recall I write that my sister and he husband were in an affair with my brothers wife. It's been almost a year. Mom last week asked me to invite my sisters boys to a birthday at my house for my brothers daughter. I was on my way to pick up the boys when my mom called and told me to turn around. Apparently my brother didn't know my nephews were coming and he was livid. I came home to a...
I'm truly sorry you've lost so much...you're a good person! Sometimes people who do not forgive us now may do so later after they process...the trust I have with my husband was definitely damaged... I find myself making so many reparations. And the sting of humbling circumstance!
Big, gentle hugs... xx
You definetly are not a quitter. You sound very strong indeed. Wishing you well as you move forward :)
There sure are some good posts here explaining how this illness for the better off us and changed our lives fairly suddenly....
Me too I've been battling for a very long time with arrests and multiple hospitalizations under my belt. What didn't the illness take? Jobs, friends, relationships with lived ones?
I'm happy to say I found a good therapist, a good pdoc, found my way to stability by looking at what caused episodes and trying better next time.... Sleep or the lack of sleep is a major trigger for me it took years for me to see the relationship between lack of sleep and mania or depression.
I too arrived at 50 with not a lot to show for it. I was able to take a few classes and build slowly step by step to a college degree and a new life. It's possible....
The key ingredient in your "wellness stew" is finding stability how ever that works for you. Sometimes it's a combination of medication, stress\ harm reduction, finding support, getting the best mental health care you can....all of his takes time go easy on yourself....
I'm glad you found your way here! Welcome aboard!
My pdoc got fired and I'm getting a new one next month. I hope the new one will take a good look at my history and help me adjust my meds so I'm not so "down" without running the risk of mania.
It is an adventure.