You sounds really down sweetie:(
I wish i had some good advice but I am down myself today.
Can you call your pdoc and tell him how you are feeling?

we all go through the manic depression after the mania hang on it will pass how long you been like this?

You may not have any faith in HIM but he has faith in you.

Why are you doing this?

This is just the down time. It will pass and the up times will be here again.

In the meantime, do some mindless/brainless activity with some good music playing, clean house, or whatever. Rearrange the furniture.

Look through the kid's pictures. Remember the good times, they will be here again.

Honey, I am sorry you feel so bad. I am sure you have heard it said that it will pass. In looking at your profile it only state you are taking xanax for your bipolar disorder. Please call your pdoc and talk to him or your therapist. It doesnt seem that the xanax is enough to get your through these times. I hope you feel better soon. Hugs

You need to get help right away.
Being reminded is one thing....but the low yr in is lengthening and the answer isn't here.
If you think yr kids will be better off without you...just grab the nearest professional help.
Phone them and say you have lost the connection with yr children and therefore the impetus to stay alive too.
Love x

I've been feeling this way for nearly a week, with the exception of one good day.

I've been calling the pdoc daily since Friday, no call back. My tdoc is on vacation this week.

I'd be on more meds, but my insurance was cut and I have no coverage at all.

I don't have anything in my apartment, I've just moved and haven't even moved the little things into the apartment, so I have no pics to go thru or anything.

I'm sorry to sound like an 'attention seeker', It's just a really rough time right now.

Your pdoc doesnt sound very attentive. I agree with Pluck, you need to call a hot line or the nearest professional help right away about the way your feeling. Call a friend or family member to stay with you or have them take you to the hospital. This is a very dangerous way to feel. Hugs

Let's see if I can think of one positive thing.

You are here on Daily Strength with people WHO DO CARE.

I know I am in similar situation.

SSDI says Yes I am disabled but have not worked enough I only worked when I was healthy. I never wanted to be declared disabled. Now my Dr's are like we will not ALLOW you to work ANYWHERE doing ANYTHING because any kind of stress puts you over the edge. So I am so screwed.

Oh But the SSDI guy said if I were dead that the kids would get a check. I told my husband right infront of the SSDI guy and said see I am worth more dead then alive!!!!

Hang on Hanna. Your kids need you and so do we on ds. My thoughts are with you.

I am worth more dead than alive too. Sad, and scary.

I can't go to a hospital, no insurance and I can't get meds anyway to stabilize me. Might be the only way to get my pdoc (head of the hospital psych ward) to listen though.

I don't know what to do, maybe it'll pass in the next couple of hours, then I'd regret going to the hospital...I don't know the # to the crisis hotline, maybe I'll find it. I have one person that COULD stay with me, but I'd rather be alone.

Can you start moving the little things into your apartment? Do anything to get your mind off of YOU. Also if your insurance has run out, there are several ways to get the meds that you seem to need so desperatly at this time. Please call back the doc's office and tell them that you are getting scared of what you might do. They fear a lawsuit so will do whatever they can to get you what you need. They always have samples of meds to give out. My heart goes out to you, but you have got to do something--especially with kids involved. Is there another adult in the house? Or can you call someone to come over and be with you? xo

I disagree Not2Sure. We are NEVER worth more dead than alive. Our value is not about money but the personal gift and presence we can be and are to ourselves and others. I believe you have alot to live for Hanna it is just very difficult to see it right now. Remember that this is a chemical depression and it isnt always possible to control your thoughts. That is why it is dangerous to feel this way. You dont want these thoughts to get out of control. NOW is the time to seek help from a professional. Please call a friend or family member to be with you and then call for help. Luv and hugs

Hanna, of course you feel like you would rather be alone, we usually do. But I promise you that it is important to have that person that you trust stay with you. Maybe they can avert your attention for a while toward something else. I understand it is difficult without insurance but the hospital cannot turn you away. Please call your pdoc back and tell him you are having dark thoughts and that you are afraid of what you will do. Please. Hugs

I also know that catholic hospitals will not turn away ppl who are unable to pay. Please get help ASAP.

At least you've logged in to DS.
That's a positive sign.