Hi, I'm new here.  I've been avoiding the inevitable for a decade since I left hospital. I agreed to the meds but not the diagnosis.  I'm so scared!!!  I can't stop crying!

The problem: I feel amazing! The other problem: Just a month ago I was in a horriffic depression. The other problem: I got psychotic! The trigger, a new doc was switching my meds and I thought this 'depression' would just go away as he evaluated me.  Over the past month, I suddenly flipped out of a very bad low to be awake for days. Only taking edibles got me to bed.  One night I became convinced I was on a government watch list and that the fbi was looking for me-I have no criminal history or reason to think that. One some days I felt so euphoric and I was not sure what was going through my mind. Because I couldn't sleep, I was solving math problems in my head for hours on end...and I don't even like math.  I was devastated this morning as I was going to try and lie to my new psychiatrist and tell him I was all good now as my depression resolved.  After three or four days of no sleep and this paranoia, I feel like I went past the red flags and hit the stop sign.  I'm going to pick up my new meds today. I can't function on MMJ I don't think that's going to cut it, and he agreed with me.  I am so devastated. I don't want a serious mental illness and I can't stop crying. I've been taking the meds for years and it's been on the books, I just "told myself" it was something else. Nothing has changed, the medication regime will be similar to what it has been for years. It's my perception and after this stupid "fbi thing" I realized I can't keep the dx at bay anymore.  Other than that, not much has changed.