Hello everyone. I posted last month largely as a means of journaling. The downturn I experienced lasted about 4 days and began to subside a bit. I coasted through the first part of December feeling fair, but generally not wonderful. I'm BP2 and I'm going to lay out all of the issues I've got with my disorder and would LOVE to get feedback of what I should do. 

I have not tweaked my medication in a few years because most of the time, I am just fine. I have had a few episodes, when I went through periods where I had issues, it was because I was off my meds because I just got out of the habit of taking them. (Stupid I know, but I realize that this is something of a common tale with BP.) My Psychiatrist that I trusted and cared for very much had a major stroke several years ago and after a few appointments with someone else, I was completely turned off and wanted my PCP to handle my refills. 

I am prescribed Prozac, Lithium and Xanax as needed, which I rarely allow myself to take. I ran out of my lithium a few weeks ago and have not been back to PCP for refill, because I just haven't made the time. I have believed (and still do to some extent) that I need the Prozac, because I'm BP2 and don't have major manic episodes. 

Last night, I woke up thinking that possibly killing myself may be a decent solution. I know these thoughts and I know it's not right. Seasonal depression gets me every year. I need to get more vitamin D and I would like to try one of the lamps that simulate the daylight. I just called (took a break from writing this post after the previous paragraph to call) my PCP to schedule an appointment for Thursday morning to discuss medication and possibly a new Psychiatrist. 

1. Do I need the mood stabilizer if I'm on an anti-depressant? 

2. Should I just continue to manage everything with my PCP? 

3. Do I just need to suck this up and get the hell over it? (Kind of feels like it.)