Looking back on my manic episode, yes. I definitely feel as if I was a puppet and it was my body, my voice doing things, saying things but not the "real me". At the time I didnt feel that way though, I felt as if everything that was happening, every action, made sense and was what I truly wanted. I wasnt thinking "what is happening, why am I not in control?", it was a hindsight thing.

There are alot of periods of time I dont remember. I remember most significant events (I think) but not many details about my day to day life during those months. I notice that I cant even recall hardly any of a vacation I went on while I was manic.

Not sure if that's what you mean or not. Maybe mine was more of a depersonalization thing?

Posalutely, I have felt like a golem being remotely controlled by? ? ? quien sabe? My shrinks call my rendition of the phenom, "Dissociation." As good a name as any, I reckon. For sure I believe there is more than one flavor of psychosis which can cause the phenom.

Much therapy work later, I still feel the numbness and tunnel vision of dissociation closing in on me far more often than I would wish, but I have learned how to recognize it and begin plying therapy tools before the demons of the underworld start using me as a video game avi again.

I guess what I mean is something like the story of "Sybil". But as I understand it, dissociative identity disorder is extremely rare and I wasn't diagnosed with it. I appreciate your feedback.

Big hug for you sweetie.... Yes I have disassociated as well..... My memory isn't good at all..... xo

I can’t say I’ve ever had such an experience. But I am often forgetful, unable to remember something I’ve just said or done. And I don’t remember certain events I’ve done or attended. We chalk it up to my fried brain from od’ing so much.

@Loddy:

"Disassociating", which is your brains way of shutting down and kind of going off inside a safe place inside itself because it can't handle the level of Psychosis or Mania that's happening at the time and a" Disassociate type of Multiple Personality Disorder" where you have several "alters" that live in your mind and come out at different times and are actually singularly different personalities encapsulated in 1 mind, are 2 very, very complicated and different Mental Issues.

What you describe that happened at the hospital was jut Disassociation due to high levels of stress/anxiety/mania.... and it's completely normal to not have memory of what happens until you get back to your regular self and more stable on medications.

We try to be mindful of what other Mental Issues we add in with BiPolar Disorder because they aren't all just parts or symptoms of it and we don't want to give newly diagnosed people or those who are trying to understand and come to terms with their BiPolar more fears to worry about.

Sometimes the memory comes back, generally it doesn't. The Human Brain is wired with a built-in "Security System" its called Self Preservation, if the trauma and emotions and fear and anxiety and chemicals are all swirling in this Tornado in your brain and it's like, "its time to check yourself, before you wreck yourself" it will shut down until things are able to be dealt with. As for the memories coming back, the memories connected to those traumatic times aren't usually all that great anyway, so there's no sense in trying to force them to be there. The more you try to force the recovery of a memory, the farther it tends to sink away from conscious thought.

So, I'd just concentrate on "hear and now" and working your treatment program, taking your meds, eating healthy, getting good sleep, getting exercise and fresh air and let your self get back to a good centered place.