Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Even though meds keep my BP under control, I still have moments of sudden rage. I have broken many a door and thrown many an object in these rages. Triggers are so numerous.
Due to this rage and deteriorating mind, I cannot work. Since these uncontrollable rages begin within a second, I fear I may hurt coworkers. I have already hurt family and neighbors... It just scares me to death. I have already had around 20 rage incidents at work the past 18 years... Lost my job due to them many times.
The pdocs have placed me on meds to control this rage but they leave me like a zombie so I do not take them. I already hardly feel happiness or sadness anymore. Everything is just blah.
Then comes my appt a few days ago. The pdoc said my rage had nothing to do with BP and that I was doing it to get attetnion!!! WTF??? I almost flew into a rage there but did not. Only God knows why I did not. I would have probably killed her.
See I brought in a phone I broke during a rage incident to show them what happens. I told them I was normal and even tempered when the phone rang. I answered and was given bad news - a contractor could not perform promised work. I just lost it within a second and broke the phone. So this pdoc says, "that's just a phone and can be replaced!" meaning that I was doing this for attention. WTF??? I was home alone at the time. And then the therapist cheerped in that I was fulling a self prophsey - that I think a rage incident will occur so it does. WTF. I do not wish these to occur. It kills off more brain cells (I feel) and it takes a good week to recover from them.
I am stuck with this pdoc as I am poor so use the county mental health facility.
So have any of you been told that your BP rage was of your own creation and nothing to do with your BP?
What BP rage incident would you like to share here?
One of mine was at work. I feel into rage, stormed out of the office, slammed open a glass door, the door hit the stop and shattered all the glass out of the door like rain falling. Luckily it was safety glass so I did not get cut.
Due to this rage and deteriorating mind, I cannot work. Since these uncontrollable rages begin within a second, I fear I may hurt coworkers. I have already hurt family and neighbors... It just scares me to death. I have already had around 20 rage incidents at work the past 18 years... Lost my job due to them many times.
The pdocs have placed me on meds to control this rage but they leave me like a zombie so I do not take them. I already hardly feel happiness or sadness anymore. Everything is just blah.
Then comes my appt a few days ago. The pdoc said my rage had nothing to do with BP and that I was doing it to get attetnion!!! WTF??? I almost flew into a rage there but did not. Only God knows why I did not. I would have probably killed her.
See I brought in a phone I broke during a rage incident to show them what happens. I told them I was normal and even tempered when the phone rang. I answered and was given bad news - a contractor could not perform promised work. I just lost it within a second and broke the phone. So this pdoc says, "that's just a phone and can be replaced!" meaning that I was doing this for attention. WTF??? I was home alone at the time. And then the therapist cheerped in that I was fulling a self prophsey - that I think a rage incident will occur so it does. WTF. I do not wish these to occur. It kills off more brain cells (I feel) and it takes a good week to recover from them.
I am stuck with this pdoc as I am poor so use the county mental health facility.
So have any of you been told that your BP rage was of your own creation and nothing to do with your BP?
What BP rage incident would you like to share here?
One of mine was at work. I feel into rage, stormed out of the office, slammed open a glass door, the door hit the stop and shattered all the glass out of the door like rain falling. Luckily it was safety glass so I did not get cut.
Meds certainly can knock you sideways, zonk you..sometimes this wears off as you adjust to the med, though. Or your pdoc can tinker with your meds/try something new.
Especially given your history you really oughta try againh, imho.
Through therapy with a qualified therapist and taking behavioral therapy like CBT, DBT, EFT, I was able to identify associated learned behaviors and work on them. Once I eliminated those, my rages in dysphoric hypo mania were much less frequent and intense.
To give you an idea...prior to therapies...my rages were intense and physically chaotic and abusive. I destroyed things without control, I threw things at people, I hit people, I damaged property, I hurt myself physically. I have learned coping skills that have helped a great deal so I can identify and work through the agitation and anger before it escalates to that point.
I still have rare cases or "hair trigger" anger, but not nearly as ofte. Meds and therapy are absolutely necessary if you expect to get it under control. Your disored is not an excuse for your outbursts, you have to take the necessary responsibility for your behavior. At this point there is still much you can do to help yourself.
xo
I truly believe they come from Somewhere, but don't have to be directly related to the situation at hand, at All. And I Don't believe you are "doing it to get attention."
I sometimes allude to my son with examples, but there are some times I haven't talked about.
Like when we were walking on a boardwalk trail, and we couldn't agree on whether the angle of his photo shot would show a spider on her web clearly.
He was fine until that moment...then he dragged me into the river and tried to drown me.
Five minutes later, he was sorry, and crying, and so forth. But the instant rage is Strong.
He is Learning to identify the moment, and try to do damage control before too much is already done. But anger management in the Right setting has shown him that some of the rage is from his past, when his emotional ranges were just developing, and things happened that he did not deal with. Father issues, divorce issues, etc - in His case. Plus his bipolar nature, etc.
This may not be the case for you, but it is helping him. I still believe self-awareness goes a long way, even if the awareness is not there in the initial moment of rage. Like re-tuning yourself from the inside, so your sub-conscious eventually begins to kick in to your consciousness.
Geesh Java, you and I sound very much alike in this respect. It was because of my young children that I knew I HAD to get this under control. It was that or risk having them taken away from me. I never hit or hurt them, but I scared the hell out of them. I would break and distroy other things so I would not hurt them. I have patched lots of holes in walls and repaired furniture. I absolutely wont drive when dysphoric because I am dangerous to myself and others. I will cut people off in traffic etc. etc. Thank God I dont experience this raging dysphoria anymore.
Also, Atwater....with bipolar dysphoric hypo mania, it usually last several weeks. As I said the agitated, agressive state not necessarily constant rage. If you are going from 0-100 without being in the midst of an episode, you might explore other factors. It may feel uncontrolled because it is learned and instinctual. That can be changed. Best wishes
Meds and therapy didn't take it away, but helped alot. Rage is the main reason I keep taking my meds, I'm scared to hurt someone.
Only through Prayer and Meditation I found peace, now I can keep silence when I'm angry, and even frawn a smile.
It was the beginning of a new life for me,a better life.
Everything changed I put down my defences and the walls inside came down as well. I have true freedom now........I am married and have real love in my life. I found all about bipolar disorder,I have found that I have limitations (everyone has limitations). I used to blow up at work too,I hit my apprentice in the head with a pipe wrench for being lazy one day. But those days are gone and have been for a while now. My fear is gone,my paranoia is gone as is my fear of being close to another human being
These are the core issues to be dealt with to remove anger/fear and anxiety. Sorry if I went on too long..............Brian
My house was full of holes in my walls...at work,I usually was able to contain myself.
Depakote has really curbed my rages well,ask your Pdoc about Depakote,it often is only med that will curb rages..some meds actually will make them worse (some anti-depressants)
I wasn't ever really a "rager" and am on more than enough antipsychotics that this isn't an issue - cool cucumber is more like me - I love antipsychotics and their chill out factor.. & yea definitely stay medicated.. Meds should not make you not feel anything - seriously maybe you are not giving them the chance they need or are just on the wrong ones. I just never get it when people say that, as I have been pretty doped up and yet still had emotions or am able to "feel" - so sorry just don't understand that..(not saying it doesn't happen)
I do take depakote. But now the pdoc has me on the generic stuff and that stuff just does not work for me at all. I was also on the ER Depakote last month and I had rage incidents many times a day. When on the real regular depakote, i may have one rage incident every few months.
Before I had my first major mania episode which led to a complete mental breakdown (where my memory was completely blank but i was still concious and it took two cops to control me), I never had rage as I do now (of course i would get mad from time to time, but never out of control).
No Trauma: Life has been very good to me. I never had any trauma in my life. The only real trauma I had was breaking an arm when young. I am married to a great woman and have great kids. Everyone gets along well. My previous jobs were very good. Of course job stress grew to be too much, coupled with my deteriorating mind, so i just cannot work again.
My tirggers vary. A sudden high pitched sound can set me off. But all triggers for me have one common thread - they all come suddenly and unexpected. If I see something coming that may trigger me, it is very easy to keep from going into rage.
Most folks may get really upset driving with all the crazy folks on the road. I never get upset driving and never cuss while driving as i can anticipate every drivers move. People may get mad at me for this that or the other, but if I can anticipate it, it has no effect. My kids may call me a retard from time to time for the things i do, but this never sets me off. i expect it.
I know my rage is tied to adrenaline. I once took a timer and set it at random and began a task, such as typing an email. When the timer rang, that ring just set off the rage instantly. So while raging, also looked at what was happening with my body. I flushed, my heart rate doubled, and my head felt so damned hot, my mind seemed in an altered state, I could not remember what I was working on.
I thought If I trained my body to adjust to the sudden ring of the timer, I would be better able to deal with this rage. It really did not help. the reaction was the same over the time I tried this.
But I did find if I was moving/walking when the bell went off, I did not feel the rage as bad.
I told all this to my county therapist in 2007. She did nothing with it...