Hi and Welcome deemax.... Are you bipolar deem?
Well going gambling when in a bad frame of mind might not be the best thing... I'm glad you've found us though... This is a great site...... Big hug.....xo

I've been stable for a while now, but I can relate. I won't say anything about your feelings of ending it all or wanting to shop or gamble. I will say, that in my past, when I had those kind of feelings I went to the psychiatric ER. It is there that I learned how deep the well goes and how high the clouds go. I never want to have to go there again, but it is a safe place where people have nothing but time and care. It is the most normal place anyone with a mental illness can go. It is a place where all roads lead to getting better.

I'm just tired of the roller coaster. Yes I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It is hard living in a world where nobody understands you.

well we understand - are you on meds?

Were I to feel similar I would have a chat to the two parts of myself and ask how they are trying to help me. The gambling and shopping part probably mainly wants to distract from uncomfortable emotions and thoughts that are in danger of surfacing... and the other part probably wants the dilemma to be over (in a non-suicidal fashion) and there be no need to go about crawling and dying any more.

I would tell them thanks for their efforts and that I appreciate their hard work trying to support me. Then I would try to get to know them better... but that’s a story for another day :-)

I am on my meds and I am learning my triggers so I can better manage my response. Thanks you guys I'm glad I found thus site