It's hard when the illness has us pushing people away.... I isolate a lot now... I used to have a pile of friends and some really great friends that I really never talk to anymore...

I think we can shut down and push people away for sure... It becomes a safe place for us however it's really not living... Our life becomes being alone and I don't think that's a good thing...

I think we have to put ourselves out there and it's hard when we've become comfortable with being alone... So it will come down to getting outside of your comfort zone... It can start with baby steps Mark.... A lot of people here talk about NAMI meetings... They're free and all over the US... So it might be a way to get social that also offers mental health support..

Big hug for you sweetie...xo

thanks Jan. Coincidentally I started to research a NAMI meeting near me yesterday. So I appreciate your input about that too.

I hope your day is going good!

Peace,

Mark

relationships are complicated even under the best of circumstances.
You add mental illness to it and it gets really tricky. I used to be an open book and had tons of all different kinds of friends now after BP Dx I have become very cautious about who I get close to and let in to my world. I much prefer one or two really good friends now as to alot of acquaintances. I always had boundary issues also but have done alot of work in therapy on that. I'm on disability so I miss having 'work' friends. It's definitely harder to meet new people for me now. But I thank God for the ones I've got. There's some good people out there Mark!

Well, to a certain extent, everybody has to put themselves out there and take a bit of a risk when it comes to forming new friendships.
And sometimes, the relationships work out and sometimes they don't!!!

I think you're doing better than I am!!

For me, it's not so much the Bipolar Disorder as it is my Anxiety Disorder, that stops me from forming more new friendships than I do.

It does require getting out of your comfort zone.
I've got a real problem with that, because when my anxiety gets too bad, it can trigger my Bipolar Disorder in such a way that I can get really ill.

My main goal in life seems to be to minimize my anxiety level as much as possible!!!

Right now, all the 'have to' stuff in my life uses up all my available 'stress tolerance' -- and then some!!!
What's left after I take care of that stuff is spent isolating and recovering so that I'll be able to do the next 'have to' thing that comes along!!

When some of the current demands on my life cease to exist, I will have more interest in pursuing social activities and the like.
Things that might lead to forming 'new friendships'.

Good luck to you!!!!
You sure are trying and that counts for a lot!!!!
And I don't think that ALL of your attempts will lead to naught!!

Church settings can sometimes carry their own particular kinds of 'rules' and 'possible pitfalls', too. That more secular settings do not.
Perhaps that has something to do with it seeming weird.

(((((Hugs)))))

I don't do well in large groups of people especially if I don't know them. I have to really push myself to "get to know someone" and I feel more comfortable with a small group of people I do know.

I used to be very active in my church community and had many acquaintances and friends. I would go on outings with groups of women, I was in prayers groups, I volunteered in lots of things in church and in the city. Over the years my anxiety has gotten worse to the point that I don't even go to church anymore. I only go to events with lots of people if I can go with a smaller group or couple that I know and trust.

It takes a lot of emotional work to "put yourself out there". I admire you for trying and hope you don't give up. xo

This has been a tremendously difficult thread for me to post on, so it's important that I do.

I have no social relationships, I do have a romantic relationship that I've been in for more than 3 years and I have a good relationship with my partner's family, as for people outside that circle, I have none other than online.

For me it comes down to a matter of trust and with RL people I just don't have any. That may come from my upbringing, I was never taught the social graces and was taught not to trust anyone.

I'm able to have online friendships only because there's the security of distance and the likely hood that I would come in contact with them is quite rear.

Though I did meet my fianc hear on DS, so I guess I can't say I never meet anyone from DS LOL.

The Wplf

It is extremely difficult, more so now than before. It's hard sometimes to distinguish real loving friends from people just being polite. I found out a lot this last year that people tend to leave or forget you once their need is fulfilled. That being said I have also pushed people away because I don't want to get too close and get hurt, or hurt them when like you said my illness comes into play.

It's hard when people don't interact with me so I stay home, it's even hard here or on any other social network . I forgot how to interact socially. I agree with Suncloud we should get out there. It's taken little steps to get out, even on the computer for myself, pool & birthday's with close friends.

Group therapy is helping a lot but for me it's not the same. I hope you find a healthy social outlet. Feel better. Hugs

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EACH AND ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR RESPONSES!!!

This has really helped me and bolstered my sense of things!
I regret that I have made mistakes and ran from relationships in the past but I see now that it is hard for each of us - I don't doubt that each of us wishes we had 'done' it perfectly but I want you to know that I have sent an email to the local NAMI affiliate to inquire about 'peer to peer' support groups that I can attend.

I am looking forward to those meetings and I am trying to be more open to relationships at work!

Thanks again for all these responses! I really appreciate it.

Have a good weekend ahead!

Mark

I was isolated until I decided to trust some old friends again after many years. I told them the truth about the illness. I try very hard to handle my social situations with grace and it's a learning curve. It has been since 2003 since I have been diagnosed but the disorder started reeking havoc since probably 1997. So for a very long time my social persona was ravished and wounded. This past year and a half, after a steady management and climb, after selecting a few close friends from my past whom I have loved and telling them the truth, my social life is healing a bit.

Yes its hard for me too but since I joined AA & found a comfortable environment its been a lot easier.
Think a support group would do wonders.
All the best
Hugs

I wrote on another thread - I believe its life and human behavior. Not bipolar, human!

I know people married seven times - WTF? LOL I can't find a date : )

Making and keeping friends has been a struggle for me since childhood. I have a few friends from college but I do not see them anymore. They do not live in the same city as me anymore. My ex boyfriend was everything for me and I put up with a lot more then I should. I stayed because he was someone to hang out with even though it was only a few times a year. He is in the Army. I only have my family but am trying to get out there to meet people. I am very bad at isolating. I am not even aware it has happened until I have nobody. I understand what you are going through.

I isolate too, keep people at a distance when I want so much to be close. I have a few close friends and husband, mom and I are like best friends. I would love to have tons of friends, i feel isolated and I have done it! I am in church and church group but it stays there. I am trying to make an effort but I am gung ho one min and then run the next. sometimes it is just easier! Not what I want but trying not to isolate but i think that is just me!

Thanks for the feedback everyone. This really seems like a common thing for us. I don't really have the relationships I want - I do want closeness but keep most at a distance. I indulge in other things to fill the void. I used to have real focus on design and art. My home was my world!
My folks want me to develop myself socially - and OUR pattern here - is something I need to work on. I hope we can all get the relationships and life we want. Baby steps? Maybe. I feel like this about my life to respect but to deal with in a positive way.

Thanks again!

Mark

sorry the last sentence you say "I feel like this is 'something' about my life I need to respect...."