Bereavement Support Group

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Death & Dying
/ Bereavement Support Group

Wanting some space from others...

Kim1734
Kim1734

It been 6 months since my Dad passed. I have made an effort to stay busy and catch up with friends because I don't want to avoid everyone, but there are some days I just don't feel up to talking or seeing anyone. It's hard for me to come out and say "I'm feeling sad about my Dad" so I struggle with how to be open with my feelings if I don't feel like texting or meeting up. I know people who haven't lost someone can have trouble understanding what it feels like and to realize how you are affected on a daily basis. Does anyone have suggestions on how to handle situations like this? I don't want people to think I'm pushing them away and I do make my best effort to see my friends and family, but some days I just want some alone time. Thank you in advance for any advice you can provide. 

Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
I say be open about it. Let people know that the loss hit you kind of hard, and that there are days when you just need some alone time. They may not understand why, but everybody has times when they want alone time!
Kim1734
Kim1734
Thank you! I will try to express myself about it and hope they can understand. I don't want it to seem like an excuse or upset my friends, but I know I need to focus on myself right now and what works for me. I still see my friends and talk to them, but I just will have to find the right balance.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I agree being open and honest is the best way to handle this.... There's nothing wrong with needing time for you.... Big hug.....xo
Kim1734
Kim1734
Thank you, I appreciate the advice and support!
ComplicatedGrief
ComplicatedGrief
Because most people don't know about my grief because I only started experiencing it as complicated grief 12 years later, I just tell people I dont feel good or I dont feel myself and they usually understand. Sometimes you can use that when you dont want to engage in long conversations with people. But of course, as everyone said above, if you can be open that is the best.
brittanyd890
brittanyd890
I agree with what everyone else said. 6 months probably feels both very short and very long. in the grand scheme of things though 6 months is a very short time. try to be easy on yourself and do your best to be open and honest with people. you mentioned that people that haven't lost someone don't understand what its like i think no one can really understand what its like for you. i too lost my father but i don't grieve in the same way that you do. you are free to grieve at your own time and intensity.
Kim1734
Kim1734
Thank you. You're right 6 months does feel short and long at the same time and that everyone grieves differently. I'm also very sorry that you lost your father. It's a very hard thing to go through. I can struggle at putting myself out there emotionally because I know people can feel uncomfortable about death and knowing what to say so I tend to try to put on a strong face for others. I'm going to try to just find the right balance and if I'm not feeling social then will be honest about it because I know too people can forget how someone may be feeling if they aren't open about it. I appreciate you reaching out!
Lolita_Lynn
Lolita_Lynn
I completely understand. My boyfriend and I have a busy social life. Every week there something we were invited to. When I lost my mom in 2008 and then my dad in 2017, our friends were very understanding. If there was something I didn't want to go to I simply said I couldn't make it. There is no point in going if I'm sad and I definitely don't want to spoil everyone's good time. They didn't ask questions or push they just said maybe next time. I really appreciate that. I find it hard to tell people how I'm feeling because I don't want them to feel sorry for me. Just be understanding.
Kim1734
Kim1734
Thanks for reaching out. I'm the same when it comes to expressing myself. It's tough to say you're feeling sad and having someone comfort you. I do think it's good to express it every now and then as a reminder because grief can last a long time, but people can forget how much it can affect you on a daily basis. I'm also very sorry about the loss of your Dad. :(
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