Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
My mom died on January 2, 2011. She got sick with flu like symptoms on Christmas day. We took her to the hospital on Wednesday, and they said she had bronchitis. I stayed in Columbus, and didn't go home with her because I had to leave for school that Saturday. Long story short: She was taken to the hospital that Friday, and was admitted with pneumonia. She was on a ventilator by 5am on Saturday. (No one told me of any of this..) and died on Sunday morning. I was notified Saturday night that my mother's condition was serious. I knew she was in the hospital..and had been transferred to a different one, but the one she transferred from was really small and I figured they didn't have room. I'd gotten a few calls, but none of them saying it was serious..none of them sounding serious. I knew she had pneumonia, but I didn't think that was serious. I thought it was pointless to go and just sit in a hospital waiting for them to discharge her, and possibly get sick. I couldn't get sick, I had a physical class in the coming semester and really couldn't be sick and miss classes.
When I heard that she was on a ventilator, at like 5 or 6 pm on Saturday night...why anyone didn't tell me before then I have no idea..I don't know...My uncle had just gotten out of the hospital after being on a ventilator...she could've been fine too. I hoped she would've been fine too. When I thought it might be serious, I avoided the thought. It scared me, so I avoided it. That's what I learned to do when I was a kid...if something hurt too much or was scary...something I didn't want to be happening...if I didn't believe it then it didn't happen. I've realized that that is not the best way to deal with that as I've gotten older, and I try to combat that, but sometimes it's not a conscious decision. I didn't want to believe it could be serious, so I didn't. My two best friends and I went to the hospital that night and at 3:12 on Sunday morning, she coded. Why did that happen so quickly you ask? She had S.A.R.D.S. (Sudden Adult Rrespiratory Distress Syndrome).
We had a great relationship when I was a kid. Not so much when I was a teenager, but our relationship had gotten a lot better in the past year. We made a sort of peace and came to understandings during my Christmas break. We had a great new relationship and adventure ahead of us...and then she was taken away from me. I know everything has something positive that comes out of it...but this is hard. Really hard. I've dealt with death and people dying all of my life. Literally. I didn't know my dad really, but he died when I was 13. This is totally different. I lived with my mom. I have so many memories with her. It's like she's MIA now. We became quite close in the past year. I was reading the post secret post cards earlier and realized I'll never hear her voice again. There aren't any voicemails or videos or recordings with her voice on them.That pierced me. It hurt. It makes me really sad. Most things don't smell like her anymore. I just want to talk to her...to hug her..
She was 48. Through all of the other multitude of deaths happening throughout my life..my mom always said, "I'm not going anywhere. Don't worry." I want to hear her say that again. I just miss her. It hurts sooooo much. so so so so so much more than anyone else ever did. It's not such a great grief day.
Because I never dealt with stuff like this when I was a kid...because I just avoided it...and shut down....this is a new and not new experience for me. I was going to a grief group in my hometown, and began feeling feelings again..I'm still learning those too. It's been almost two years since I started that..but this is new experience because I'm not used to feeling these feelings in such magnitude or at all really. I kinda don't know what to do. journal? Read something..if so..what? What helps you deal? what makes it hurt less? How do i feel close to her again and not so...alone. I used to talk on the phone with her every time I went walking...everyday...so I don't really want to go walking. The group exercise classes are too late in the day for me to attend...but I do go to one twice a week, and try to do other workouts with a friend...so I'm not alone and don't end up wanting to call my mama.
Any input?
When I heard that she was on a ventilator, at like 5 or 6 pm on Saturday night...why anyone didn't tell me before then I have no idea..I don't know...My uncle had just gotten out of the hospital after being on a ventilator...she could've been fine too. I hoped she would've been fine too. When I thought it might be serious, I avoided the thought. It scared me, so I avoided it. That's what I learned to do when I was a kid...if something hurt too much or was scary...something I didn't want to be happening...if I didn't believe it then it didn't happen. I've realized that that is not the best way to deal with that as I've gotten older, and I try to combat that, but sometimes it's not a conscious decision. I didn't want to believe it could be serious, so I didn't. My two best friends and I went to the hospital that night and at 3:12 on Sunday morning, she coded. Why did that happen so quickly you ask? She had S.A.R.D.S. (Sudden Adult Rrespiratory Distress Syndrome).
We had a great relationship when I was a kid. Not so much when I was a teenager, but our relationship had gotten a lot better in the past year. We made a sort of peace and came to understandings during my Christmas break. We had a great new relationship and adventure ahead of us...and then she was taken away from me. I know everything has something positive that comes out of it...but this is hard. Really hard. I've dealt with death and people dying all of my life. Literally. I didn't know my dad really, but he died when I was 13. This is totally different. I lived with my mom. I have so many memories with her. It's like she's MIA now. We became quite close in the past year. I was reading the post secret post cards earlier and realized I'll never hear her voice again. There aren't any voicemails or videos or recordings with her voice on them.That pierced me. It hurt. It makes me really sad. Most things don't smell like her anymore. I just want to talk to her...to hug her..
She was 48. Through all of the other multitude of deaths happening throughout my life..my mom always said, "I'm not going anywhere. Don't worry." I want to hear her say that again. I just miss her. It hurts sooooo much. so so so so so much more than anyone else ever did. It's not such a great grief day.
Because I never dealt with stuff like this when I was a kid...because I just avoided it...and shut down....this is a new and not new experience for me. I was going to a grief group in my hometown, and began feeling feelings again..I'm still learning those too. It's been almost two years since I started that..but this is new experience because I'm not used to feeling these feelings in such magnitude or at all really. I kinda don't know what to do. journal? Read something..if so..what? What helps you deal? what makes it hurt less? How do i feel close to her again and not so...alone. I used to talk on the phone with her every time I went walking...everyday...so I don't really want to go walking. The group exercise classes are too late in the day for me to attend...but I do go to one twice a week, and try to do other workouts with a friend...so I'm not alone and don't end up wanting to call my mama.
Any input?
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
I lost my brother, my best friend, 5 years ago on September 11th. My mom was never the same after he passed away. My baby is due a few days before his 5th "angel" anniversary, as we call it.
I know how you must be feeling, as my world was always just my mom and brother and I. They are both gone. My world is upside down.
I used to talk to my mom every day on my way home from work. I have a long commute and we would chat every afternoon. I can't avoid driving home from work. I have to face it. At first, it was AWFUL, but now I have learned to talk to her anyway. Yeah, I may be nuts, but it really helps me. I talk to her every day. My mom was a huge believer in "signs" from past loved ones. I thought she was crazy, but she told me before she left, "I will show you I'm still here, you just have to ask me to... You'll know it's me..." You know what? She was right. It's creepy sometimes but I can ask, and she finds a way to prove to me, beyond a doubt that she is still with me.
So, I find peace in still talking to her. She may or may not be there in spirit, but it comforts me to keep talking to her. Be it in my head, or out loud, I have to keep talking to her. She was my world.
People don't understand the feelings, unless they've been in your shoes. I know I don't know what it's like for you, but I've lost the two most important people (minus my husband) in my life. The two that have been with me the longest... It's not easy. It takes a LONG time for it to get better, but it does get better!