Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
This person was my boyfriend. We were so in love and all of our friends knew it. We both have this tough exterior that would shatter everytime we were with each other and people noticed. I was ready to spend my life with this man, and then March 3, he was on his motorcycle and was hit. We all knew from that day that he was not going to make it, but March 5 is when he was pulled off life support. He changed my life in so many ways, and now that he is gone, I am at a total loss. Sure, his family and friends are grieving as well, but they are grieving for the loss of a family member or friend. I am grieving the loss of someone I was in love with. Being around all his friends helps, but at the same time all I think is "he supposed to be here with me, I'm not supposed to be alone". And while the amounts of support I have gotten from family and friends is enormous, I still just feel like it's just me against the world, all alone. I should add that he had just turned 23 March 1, and I am only 22. I know they say it will get easier, and I should stay strong, but when does it get easier? This isn't supposed to happen, especially not this young. And as for staying strong, isn't this when I'm allowed to break? If I don't break now, I will break later. He was the kind of person who stopped to help people and animals at the side of the road, we never once argued, in fact, he never argued with anyone because he was such a happy, selfless person. He tried to make people happy no matter what kind of day he was having.
I just don't know what to do. I know it's only been a week and a half, but it hurts so much and I have no motivation to do anything, work, school, workout (which he was obsessed with and was trying to get me to do it, but now I am telling myself to do it because he would've wanted me to, but I cant bring myself to go), and I feel like everyday I am just a sad, numb, shell of a being going through day to day routines.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
A RL support group might help to share your grief..... It's a process and it takes time....
All of the feelings you're describing are feelings of grief..... I found the numbness helped me through some rough days
The Widows and Widowers group here is a good group for people who have lost their life partner.... People there are in different stages of grieving
I'll give you a link to it in case you might like to check it out... It's an active and supportive board
Another hug and a blessing.......xo
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/widows-widowers
men deal with grief and depression differently than women . we get angry . you pick up the ruins and go on living to spite your enemies both real and perceived .
between the 3 - 4 suspected conspirators who killed my son , my rightfully despised ex , and my oldest son ( whos being a spineless tw@t as always ) , i have enough anger to fuel the alcoa aluminum mills .
have some of mine . the idiot i work with will provide me with plenty more before the week is up .
His internal injuries were so horrific that had he lived, he would have lived in a vegetative state the rest of his life. The fact that he was young and EXTREMELY active, would have been more painful to deal with than his death.
Not to say his death wasn't painful......in fact it is the most excruciating pain I have ever had to deal with in 42 years. Trust me......my life has had many downs, but that was one of the worst. I picked up the pieces for my parents for all these years and in turn, they took their pain out on me.....the only surviving child.
They kept telling me that I had to stop crying and to be strong "for the people"......WTH???? Along with a host of other horrible insults and ill behaviors towards me (I can only guess they resented that I lived and he didn't).
So I tell you.....this is no time to be strong. Please scream, kick, cry, and even rant about it, but whatever you do in a safe manner of course......BUT.....DO NOT KEEP IT INSIDE! I am speaking from experience as it made me have a breakdown 15 years after his death. It landed me 3 months in the hospital and 1.5 years out patient.
It is going to take time for the shock to wear off, so please be kind and patient with yourself. You will be grieving for awhile, so embrace the feelings and sit with them.....allow them to just be. I know....it will be painful, but helpful in the healing process in the long run.
Talk about your boyfriend every chance you can. Gather several people into your circle so that you can spread it out and not wear any one person down with your grief as it can be overwhelming not just for yourself, but for others.
Know that people will tell you "he is in a better place" or "you need to move on" and probably a host of other cliches'.
It is bothersome, but you have to know, they are at a loss of how to comfort you (they feel helpless) and speak out of ignorance.
The best thing you can do is thank them and walk away and go find someone who you feel comfortable with.
I didn't have anyone to turn to back then and decades later, there are only a few peeps who were my brothers friends and we share stories to keep him alive in our memories. Most of his friends have died recently and they too were young. If my brother were alive, he would be 58 years old.....which is still young, but so are his friends. Kinda weird....
I just imagine them all together whooping it up and pranking each other.
My brother leaves me pennies from time to time and sometime I feel his presence and sometimes nothing for long periods of time.
My brother was a kind....silly.....and all around giving soul that took all the underdogs under his wings and would give his shirt off his back without a second thought.
I still miss him and still weep at times. The pain doesn't seem so raw, but that is becuz I have gotten the help (there was no help back in "75) after many years of suffering alone.
You don't have to be alone. That is a choice. There are groups such as this. If you need help in person, go to your local funeral home as they have connections to outreach programs and so do local churches.
I know it seems like others, especially his family member don't understand what you are going through becuz they are wrapped up in their own grief at the moment and his friends may not seem to share what you had.....but deep down, you all hold a common thread. Grief will usually tear you apart or bring you together. Right now you are all shattered in disbelief. However, you will still need to find your own way and what is and feels right for you.
I have found over the years that staying connected to a few select of my brothers friends have helped in so many ways. I tried to share with my kids about my brother, but they just don't have that direct connection that somehow comforted me. My kids never knew my brother directly, but they tried to understand the best they could and knew he was important to me.....but through no fault of their own, could not truly understand what I experienced.
Know that the first year is the hardest as you go through the first "everythings" differently and alone. It will take time to integrate your feelings and experiences.....again......just allow the tears to flow and embrace the sadness.
However, don't live in the sadness forever. If you feel sucked in.....seek outside help, especially if you feel as intense pain as you do right now six to eight months down the road.
I send you gentle hugs with love and healing light (((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
It's just not a normal situation. He's not just an "ex" now you know? ..
I don't think that love will ever go away and unfortunately the only thing I've been able to do in my situation is feel. all. of the pain..
The pain goes away bit by bit but it always comes back for me and I don't know when it'll stop. All I've been doing is trying to move on