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Death & Dying
/ Bereavement Support Group

Lost my wife now I feel all alone...

DaveT
DaveT

My better half for the last 22 years passed away a little over 6 weeks ago from end stage COPD. Since then, with the exception of 1 good friend 1000 miles away that came to here the next day I have been alone. Sure there have been phone calls, sympathy cards and emals from people giving their condolences and telling me "if there is anything I can do just let me know" but that just dosen't seem to be enough. 


5 of the last 6 weeks, I've tried to find something to distract me from being at home alone. I've tried to go back to work but there are those times when I would call home just to see how things were going and there is no one there to keep my mind away from thinking about calling home. I had a voice mail I wanted to keep of her asking me about something but it's now gone. 


The day she passed I woke up next to her in bed and she had passed sometime between 2am and 8am. She looked like she just drifted away peacefully while she was sleeping. 


Since then, little things set me off and I start crying like a little baby. It could be for a few minutes or a few hours. 


I have a hard time getting to sleep at night now and I'm just letting things go without thought. 


Does it ever get any better?

Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you Dave..... I am so very sorry for your loss and the pain that you're in

Grief is so painful and it's a process.... I don't think that trying to distract yourself will serve you well.....

We need to process and work through our feelings of grief otherwise they stay inside and will continue to have a hold on you

If you possibly can a RL support group for people who have lost their life partner might be a really good resource for you

We have a good and active Widows and Widowers board on here..... People are in different stages of grieving and healing on the board

I'll give you a link if you'd like to take a peek

Another hug and a blessing.....xo

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/widows-widowers
Flowergranny
Flowergranny
Yes Dave, things WILL get better. You are still in the early stage. It’s Hell, I know. My husband of 38 years died at home from a sudden blood clot in his lung. It’s been 5 years now. It is shocking when your spouse dies at home alone with you. As with my husband, it sounds as though your wife passed away in a peaceful way. We can at least be thankful for that....I had, and still have others telling me to let them know how they can help. There really is nothing anyone else can do. As hard as it is to hear, only time can bring you peace. Do seek out others who have lost spouses. Until one joins the widowed, can you truly understand the issues. Dave, do you have any pets? For me, my little dog has made my life much easier. Just remember that you are not alone in the process. You will be happy again. It says a lot that you are reaching out to others.
cherish68
cherish68
Dave,I lost my husband of 46 year s 4 years ago. Time really does heal, I still think and miss him every day, but I don't cry as much. My life stopped that day. Everything changes. Yes I go out with friends, but I don't like being the 3rd or 5th wheel. I never feel more alone than when I am in a group with all couples.Some functions I just cannot attend at all. I back off for other reasons. I have resigned myself to the fact that I am alone... I have a little dog, and thank goodness I do. I do see some friends that are alone also, usually just for lunch or a movie. Life is very different.....and lonely. But you will make it.. We all do. Feel free to reach out. Cheryl
Lonely.long.time
Lonely.long.time
Dave I lost my husband here at home June 29. We spent 12 years together. We did everything together. He worked 11 hrs a day 6 days a week but he could call me all the time. The last year has killed him not being able to work and provide for his family. I made it work no matter what. But the day after he passed everytime something irritated me I wanted to pick up the phone n call him but hes not there. I know I cant fall apart but f*** I got married 1 for a reason
Sorry I am kinda struggaling myself. Prayers r with you.
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
I am so sorry for your loss.

The only thing I can think to add, after reading what the others have said, is that we all are in search of that "new normal" that we build without the one(s) we lost. It is hard, as others have said, but well worth the effort that it takes.
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