Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
I'm scared. My thoughts and emotions are all jumbled up.
I lost my wife on October 11, 2009. We were high school sweethearts - we had been together through more ups and downs than most people can even imagine in the 20 years we were together. She saved my life, quite literally once, by getting me help after I overdosed on drugs, and figuratively by supporting me and loving me until I learned to love myself enough to stop self-destructing. She was one of only two people who really GOT me, and then she died.
Early last year, I discovered that, without realising what was happening, I had started to fall in love with a very good female friend. After a lot of internal struggle of the course of a few months, I decided to throw caution to the wind, and we have been dating ever since.
About two weeks ago, we found out that she is pregnant. We decided fairly quickly that the obvious thing to do would be to move in together, and raise our child together. To be a family, basically. But now, I'm so conflicted. I still miss my late wife. Sometimes I miss her so much that I can hardly breathe. We went through so much together - I just don't know if this new relationship could ever measure up! And yet, when I think about breaking off the relationship and bringing our child up with shared custody or something like that, my heart wants to break. I don't want to loose her!
I guess I just don't know what I want. Has anyone had feelings like this when moving on to another relationship after loosing a spouse? How do I figure out what I want?
I lost my wife on October 11, 2009. We were high school sweethearts - we had been together through more ups and downs than most people can even imagine in the 20 years we were together. She saved my life, quite literally once, by getting me help after I overdosed on drugs, and figuratively by supporting me and loving me until I learned to love myself enough to stop self-destructing. She was one of only two people who really GOT me, and then she died.
Early last year, I discovered that, without realising what was happening, I had started to fall in love with a very good female friend. After a lot of internal struggle of the course of a few months, I decided to throw caution to the wind, and we have been dating ever since.
About two weeks ago, we found out that she is pregnant. We decided fairly quickly that the obvious thing to do would be to move in together, and raise our child together. To be a family, basically. But now, I'm so conflicted. I still miss my late wife. Sometimes I miss her so much that I can hardly breathe. We went through so much together - I just don't know if this new relationship could ever measure up! And yet, when I think about breaking off the relationship and bringing our child up with shared custody or something like that, my heart wants to break. I don't want to loose her!
I guess I just don't know what I want. Has anyone had feelings like this when moving on to another relationship after loosing a spouse? How do I figure out what I want?
Breathe ...
One day at a time ...
You have the right to move forward with your life ...
There is no shame in this nor should you feel guilty ...
*Be kind, loving & forgiving of yourself everyday of your life*
I was widowed in November 2007, after Cliff and I had been together for 30 years. I met a widower here at DS, and in 2010 we married. So we have both gone through the missing and rebuilding going on simultaneously.
You may not have been aware that there is a Widows & Widowers Group here at DS. I am one of the Community Leaders for that group, which is why I have that little blue "CL" badge on my photo. One of my co-CLs also is the Admin for a member group for widows/widowers who are farther out and are rebuilding their lives, including dating, remarrying, etc. I think you would find that group very helpful for what you are experiencing. That member group is called "Hopeful Hearts-Loving Again After the Loss".
Here is a link to the Hopeful Hearts group:
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/hopeful-hearts-love-after-loss
Here is a link to the Widows & Widowers Group:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Widows-Widowers/support-group
I also wanted you to have a link to a post I wrote a long time ago about what it is like to love, lose, and love again while still grieving. A number of people over the years have found it helpful as they move forward with their lives. It is called "The Great Debate - and Two Hearts", and I hope it helps you, too. Here is the link:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Widows_Widowers/forum/9040500-great-debate-and-two
Hope this helps and I hope all goes well with the birth.
Love and Hugs,
Martha (Community Leader for Widows & Widowers)
That post you linked really spoke to me. I can relate to so many of those 14 points you mention... I will have to read it again to take everything in!
Thank you, once again. Your post has been really helpful!
Embrase this new life you are about to have. It was meant to be. your child and girlfriend deserve a place in your heart, put you wife in a special part of your heart, and go on with your new life. You are so blessed.