Starting a group is easy, Thinks. Moderating one sucks, big time. I'm not sure which sucks harder, moderating a forum that nobody is noticing or moderating one that is so popular that up-and-comers are looking to shoot you down. Yo, hotshot, you know this is a volunteer position, doncha?

If ya start that particular group, at worst you and I will have a private chat forum. I've worked that forum moderator position, so I am unusually gentle on whatever brave and noble soul is currently moderating.

I am, indeed, finding it hard to feel free venting my grief over the death of my 35 year old son to somebody who is grieving a spouse or parent. I didn't much like my own parents and my spouse is grieving with me over the loss of our son and the inheritance of his 3 orphans. I can offer all the sympathy at my disposal to folks who are grieving parents and spouses, but I don't have the personal experience to empathize. I think that is all too often true on the other side of the coin, as well. Few of them have ever lost a child, much less inherited orphans. Empathy is built on strictly personal experience.

Dunno. . . My greatest certainty is that, yes, you can start such a group. I cannot quote it for you, but DS has made the process user-friendly. I'm fairly certain it's even easy to shut the group down if you decide it was a mistake. The DS team is also user-friendly. Don't be afraid to contact them. They haven't bitten me yet. A few slip raps, maybe, but I am a serious handful. Arfie arf. . . I deserved it. Behaving now. . .

As Arf wrote yes you can start one.... If you click MY GROUPS at the top of the page to the right you'll see to Create a group and you just click on that... and you can start one

Big hugs for you and Arf….. I can't imagine losing a child....xo

I'm hesitant to suggest a rival, but FB has multiple groups dealing with specific kinds of grief.

For my therapy nickel, FB is not a rival option. I haven't been able to handle the collective chaos of FB for quite allot of years. It's a jungle with entirely to many savage beasts roaming the beat. I don't even remember my sign-in yaddahs and don't care to do the research.

So if I’m reading correctly if you start a group you become the moderator ?
I have no experience in that and don’t know what that entails.
Not sure if I have the time or skill set for that....

i visited such an online group once and found that the participants had became ' professional grievers ' .

they ran me off eventually because i preferred to share wry humor and talk current events / philosophy instead of getting ' stuck ' on my personal loss .

i didnt find their ruminations to be helpful at all . they didnt seem to be moving on beyond their loss . millions of people have lost sons or daughters . in my case i feel i have to pick up the pieces and rebuild . the sadness will never go away but in my case i feel that lawful justice will bring some degree of relief .

if your son has offspring , that offspring is a genetic reincarnation of him ( regardless of your belief system ) . we may never know but that kid could be your deceased son getting a fresh " do - over " .

i take the king james bible with a truckload of salt but this theory gives an interesting slant to " ye must be BORN AGAIN " .

Ideally, the moderator simply hangs the sign and unlocks the door for the meeting.

Reality is ever so creative in how it unfolds and a notorious disrespecter of ideals, all the way to the danger of becoming a *They* such as what offended our eclectic Capn. Group dynamics are even less predictable than individual human diversity, theology, philosophy, politics and humor.

Oh- I didn't know there would be live meetings at an appointed time. I thought it would be like this forum- you come and go with posts on your own time.

I do go to an online bereavement group elsewhere and I have encountered "professional grievers". In fact I sometimes feel like it does influence how you conduct your own grief.
I do want to move forward-I don't always want to feel this sad.
I am still in my first year and I feel my level of grief is justified.
I sure don't want to be 5, 10, 15, 20 years down the line and still be reduced to a pile of sand when a birthday or angelversary comes up.
I don't want to judge either as I never knew losing a child would be so painful this far along in my journey.

Nor did I mean that there would be live meeting, appointed times or any other fixed criteria. I got lost in metaphor again. That happens allot. Fact is, I've seen on-line forums continue long after the founder disappeared from the group.

I don't buy the support group putdown cliche of "Professional ______s." Sorry, Wise Capn. To each his/her own. I hold healing hopes for all, even for the folks who have gotten stuck in the quicksand of a singular event in their lives and the cruel folk who put them down for ^it^. I believe I avoid more pitfalls by learning from those beleaguered souls than I learn from the folks who are kicking them while they are down. If you can't help, at least don't cause further harm.

Don't compare yourself to others, Thinks. Every healing journey is unique.

Yes, Capn, I am at least two fries short of a Happy Meal. Not all of us get fries with our Happy Meals. Did you wash your fingers before you began wiggling them in my open wounds? Do you topple wheel chairs and steal baby bottles for an encore?

Apology for the pirating of you thread, Thinks. Yes, this is quite indicative of the sort of snipe-a-thon that all too often breaks out in on-line forums. It gets especially uncomfortable when people with authority issues target volunteers and/or sick people for cheap shots.

Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.

i have wounds too . theyre better left to people who dont speak in riddles .

Amen, Sir.

Can we move on now?

yea , hopefully no hard feelings . my son is dead -- he was shot in the head -- i dont care to expand beyond those basics . some lowlifes are going to prison . imo , cute wordplay would be a disservice to him and his toddler son .

keepin it real .

Nope. No hard feelings. I am sincere in my healing hopes for all. No exceptions. I sincerely believe the healing of one is the healing of us all.

Feel free not to answer, but. . . Where is his son?

I inherited 3 orphans, toddler to 6 years when I lost my son this past September. I'm not sure which piece of that is more disturbing.

My son was a hardcore punster with a stutterer's dream of becoming a stand-up comic. Humor was his greatest passion. I still feel like cute wordplay is a disservice to him in this context. It doesn't feel even a little bit cute or funny.

The thing about groups is that you join if you want to or not.... You visit if you want to and participate if you choose to

Re moderation if there's a problem you can simply write DS at the bottom of the page if you want thinks....

I started a group on here a few years ago that isn't active now but I never had any problem at all

If you wanted to start a group you can start it and put a link to it on this board and hopefully anyone that joins will want to participate in a healthy and helpful way..... Big hug.....xo