Amber, first of all, I should back up and say I'm REALLY glad you have gone to such lengths to avoid the appearance of punishing him for his bedwetting. Having grown up as a bedwetter myself, that means a lot to me. I have seen WAY too many parents use subtle means of "punishment" even though they were outwardly trying not to punish (particularly when it comes to enforced wearing of protection), and it really is refreshing that you're just not willing to go anywhere near that.

That said, it really does seem like something needs to be done with this laundry issue or it will just keep getting more stressful for everyone involved. To be honest, I was so young (about 7) when my parents started having me wash my sheets that I really don't remember if any consequences were used to make sure I did it. I suspect there were, otherwise I don't see how it would have become such a habit - but I really don't remember them. (That's probably a good thing because whatever they were, I know it didn't feel to me as though I were being punished, at least not for my wetting.)

One thought - maybe, so it's clear Nate is not being singled out for his wetting, maybe you could make "picking up the laundry" a family chore that everyone is expected to do? That is, anytime there's something that needs to be washed (shirts, socks, sheets, doesn't matter) it is that person's responsibility to put it in a designated laundry hamper. That would at least take care of the wet sheets lying on the floor, if nothing else. If you wanted to go further, maybe you can assign Nate to do the actual washing in place of some different chores the other kids have to do. (I actually do recall this being done in my house - for years and years doing the household laundry was my "chore", while my brother (who was not a bedwetter) had cleaning the kitchen as his chore - and all that time I had no thought that my wetting had anything to do with it, that was just the way we divided up the housework!)

In general though I think honesty is the best policy -- especially at 13, the more open and honest you are about your reasons for asking him to do things, the better it will likely go over. Sit him down and tell him just what you've told us here - that you know it isn't his fault he wets, you really don't want to punish him for it, but the job of cleaning up is really a lot of work for you and you could really use some help. If you present it in that way, I think it's at least much less likely that any consequence you attach will be viewed as punishment.

Good luck, I really hope this gets better for you guys! Of course the best thing would be that maybe he'll finally outgrow the wetting and make it all academic - but no one has any control over that, as you well know. Please keep us posted on how it goes.

im also twelve and a boy and wet the bed amber just for nate knows i wear pullups and take desmopresson and me and him could chat or not if its okay with you for you dont think im a rapiest lmfao.

There's good things being said here on both sides. I would tend to agree with Amber that if there is any real hope of getting him to use protection it should be done quietly and without being overly strong about it. These things have a place and it becomes difficult to push to much in any one direction. When we were using protection, in the beginning it was not welcome, it took time for it to be understood that it did keep everything else dry and did help everyone get a good nights sleep because there was no getting up to change bedding. You have to assure the wetter that no one will know about the protection being used, it will be kept within the family - period. Not to be discussed outside, by anyone. To the bedwetter, being a bedwetter is bad enough, particularly when your siblings don't do it and wearing any kind of protection amplifies the situation in the childs mind. Why, because only babies wear diapers and as parents we use those words during toilet training to help get the child to dry. In my case tthere seemed to be a whole lot of variables that entered into the situation and some of them had to be delt with others did not. but you thought about them none the less. In reality you do not want to punish a bedwetter because it's something they have no control over. Getting them to wear protection may need some guidance and perhaps some being firm about it. As a parentyou know your kids and know how each one reacts to any given issue. Give them their room and yet guide them in the direction you want to go.

Also a friend is dealing with bedwetting and has been using these for awhile. Though I would pass this along. I know you've tried a lot of things, but just an FYI.

http://www.superundies.com/t-vid93.aspx

momplus, thanks! i checked them out, and they look like a nice option, maybe he would be willing to try something that does not look like a diaper.

as a 12 year old who wets the bed heres my advice. try to incourage him to use some sort of protection because its not good waking up in a wet bed. try the ddavp pills. recommnded 3 of them or even four depends on how bad it is. and of course he wants to spend the night at friends but hes embarresed but ih he ever does he NEEDS TO WEAR SOMETHING! i happen to live in michigan. i dont think anyone where i live still wets the bed besides me... i wear pullups witch he is right its embarrising and he dont want to her about it from his mom. dont try counslers he will be even more embarresed trust me i know. if he has a little sister? or younger siblings it could be embarrising because a little sister stops before him.

thanks :) when he was younger, between ages 7 and 9 we tried desmopressin, DDAVP, and ditropan, and none of them worked. I showed him the website for the nighttime pants that momplus suggested, and he asked me to order a pair so he could try them out. so that was a relief, I hope they work well for him. also, he does have 3 younger siblings, one is his 7 year old sister, and so far we've been she does not know about his problem...or if she does suspect anything, she doesnt ever say anything.
thanks for your advice sekcarmy :) and i'd be willing to bet a lot that you arent the only person you know in your area, even in your school, that has this problem. A lot of kids do!!! but no one talks about it, because, as you said, it is embarrassing. but you are not alone, kiddo :)

Amber, Glad to hear that he agreed to the nightpants. Hope you ordered them right away. The friend I wrote about is using the XL size pants on her 10 yo daughter. She is very happy with them and so is the girl. I wish these sizes had been available when we were dealing with the problem would have looked into them instead of the plastic pants. The plastic pants did work fine for us and my sil, but these look much better. As you mentioned they do not look like a diaper.
Hopefully this will give him a feeling of being comfortable. Getting a good nights sleep is important for eveyone. Hooray!

thats good he is wearing something. and amber about the ddavp they didnt work for me until now. sometimes they dont work i have some dry nights and so wet the pullup. i never wake up im a deep sleeper. and if you said he has 1-2 accidents he most have a small bladder. i tried them at 9 didnt finnaly work until puberty witch was at 10 thats when they finnaly worked. now i only have like one or two wet nights a week depends on how much i drink. and about my school. you said therses lots of kids theres probabnly maybe 3 others of my grde out of 200. sorry if i spell stuff wrong i am typeing fast so i can go to my friends. some of the stuff i just dont know how to spell lol. well btw does he know about this website? well anout hes finnaly wearing something. it's just that he dont like the sound of it well wearing something doesent matter of the size or age its just that more people stopped before him. like im 5"3 90 pounds. and 12 and i know he might think his friends will find out btw does her ever spend the night? btw sorry i dont talk much on this because school and stuff btut anyway. it dont matter how "cool u are" like in my middle school these the "popular group" that walk around the school doing nothing and im in it with 10 other people im not the leader im like the fourth most popular in schoo but if they find out about me then i wont be. and sometimes bedwetting can come from stress at school. like about grades. like im not good at school my lasts grades were a,c,a,f,b,d,a. pretty much sucks. but i never stress out i just easily fix it. well im going to my friends now so bye.

Glad you seem to have found a solution that is workable for all of you, at least for the time being! :)

Just to concur with what sekcarmy said, it's true that if he is having multiple accidents a night at his age then he probably does have a small bladder. If he has to go to the bathroom very frequently during the day (compared to most of his peers, or even his younger siblings) this would confirm it. In that case, it makes sense that most attempts to "treat" the problem would struggle to work because his bladder may just not be developed enough. If that's the case, then it might be worth keeping an eye on things to see when he is only wetting once per night consistently, instead of twice. When he gets to that point, it might be worth trying some of the other treatments methods again, because with his bladder being more developed there might be a much better chance of success. Just a thought, for what it's worth. :)

Hey Amber, me again. So.....I guess I have to agree with Midnight. I think you should give him the "EITHER/OR" option. I know what I was like with chores....in the end my mom and dad had to threaten me sometimes to get me to do MY JOB. I guess where the issue bothers me a little is your son refuses to wear protection but then he also is passively refusing to take responsibility for himself after that decision. I often was bitter when my parents threatened consequence but I finally got it actually just recently...lol. I surely wouldn't want to pick up anyone elses pee soaked sheets and I think its gross to expect someone else to pick up mine. Of course I don't have pee soaked sheets because I wear protection!!!! lol. Be strong and above all..be a parent first, friend second. Your son probably has a lot of friends...but we only have 2 parents.

now that Nate has agreed to wear something now he just needs to stopped like i said before i'm 12 just to remind u and i happened to just now stop. i haven't wet the bed in 2 weeks i started wearing boxers instead of pull ups now. that's awesome now i can spend the night somewhere witch i am at my friends next week. and now some advice for him to stop limiting drinks never works. same thing with waking him up. like i said before the DDAVP pills did not work for me until puberty witch was at 10 for me. when he hits puberty try it again.

now that Nate has agreed to wear something now he just needs to stopped like i said before i'm 12 just to remind u and i happened to just now stop. i haven't wet the bed in 2 weeks i started wearing boxers instead of pull ups now. that's awesome now i can spend the night somewhere witch i am at my friends next week. and now some advice for him to stop limiting drinks never works. same thing with waking him up. like i said before the DDAVP pills did not work for me until puberty witch was at 10 for me. when he hits puberty try it again.

Hi Amber,

I just saw your post and wanted to let you know that I have a blog that deals with bedwetting called "Tips on Managing Bedwetting" The url is www.tipsonmanagingbedwetting.blogspot.com. This blog has information on the different types of pin-on cloth diapers,plastic pants, and disposable briefs(the term for disposable diapers with tape tabs for older children,teens,and adults.) I've written an article called "How to Encourage Older Children and Teenagers to Wear Diapers for Bedwetting" which might help with your situation. It's on my blog as well as the Wiki How website. I hope this helps.

Amber,
I know first hand how frustrating it can be. my son was potty trained at a very early age but then started wetting the bed. He wet the bed until recently. he is now 17 1/2 yrs old and stopped wetting about 5 months ago. first he started skipping nights he would wet.... then the incidents were fewer and far between and now it's been really long.

I went through so much with him. My poor son, he took it well but was frustrated as well. we did medication, diapers, bed pads, alarms, no drinking liquids after 7 p.m., keeping the temp warm. everything. and nothing worked.

So we stopped. I tried really hard to not ridicule him, make him feel shame, or get frustrated. I am human and am sure it showed at times. But I would just ask him to wash his covers and make sure the room was aired out. As they get older the urine is more potent and it was very hard to take if he forgot to air out the room for the day.

from what I read it goes away on it's own, usually at age 12-13 and goes from there until age 18. adults are even more rare unless there is a medical condition.

I hope you and your son are doing well.

Angelina, thanks for sharing your story, and it's so great to hear that your son seems to have stopped, even at 17 1/2! Unfortunately adults just never growing out of it does happen, but it is the exception rather than the rule. It's not unusual for adults who used to wet into their late teens to have a "relapse" here and there when they are really stressed, tired, or have a lot to drink... but if that does happen, it's not a reason to panic and it doesn't mean he is going to go back to wetting the way he did before.

Glad to see so many parents who are trying first and foremost to be supportive instead of being obsessively concerned with "forcing" their kids to stop wetting at any cost. Trying to force things not only doesn't work, it can be tremendously harmful psychologically (and sometimes even physically) for a long time to come. Kudos to all of you who are taking a more relaxed and sane approach. :)