Glad to hear that you wouldn't actually try to harm yourself. Your topic had me scared for you and your well being. What are you currently feeling nervous about that would make her asking you for a ride to the hospital put you over the edge? Is it your mom's health? I would like to know more about what is causing you to feel so overly anxious right now that you would even wish that you were dead. Anxiety is very hard to get a grasp on sometimes depending on the situation surrounding what might have triggered it. I tend to get overly anxious just driving from my house to my daughters house which is 30 minutes away. Have you spoken to your therapist about these feelings you have about your mom? When you say that "wishing I was dead so I wouldn't have to deal with my mom" does that mean that she causes you a lot of unneeded or unwarranted stress and anxiety over little things or is it because of her possibly having health issues? I know that it's hard if it's related to your mom having health issues as my mother is currently in a nursing facility and I worry about her constantly. Please don't do anything irrational - just take a deep breath and try to calm down from whatever situation or event that led up to you feeling so anxious to begin with. Please respond back so that I, as well as others, know that you are okay and what if going on that has you feeling so anxious.

Mom is causing me unneccesary anxiety cause of her rigidness of her ideas. Brother lives in same town 20 minutes from her. Mom says he cant take her to hospital cause he is moving. He has been moving stuff back to moms house for several weeks now. He doesnt have to bee out of apartment for two more weeks. I live on and a half hours away. And have to travel back roads cause too anxious to drive faster routes. My husband might be able to drive but depends when she has to go. I have been anxious most of winter cause of bad weather and worry about mom alone in house. And other thing that is really minor but comes each week all winter long and the next two weeks. Then ends. Tired of being on edge and worrying. Was hoping for a break for a while.

No matter how bad it gets. Don't ever think about suicide. This is just a phase, and you will get over it. Because you are strong. So don't take the easy eat out. Stay. And fight. And live to tell everyone else how you got over your anxiety. We will always be on your side,

I suspect that there is more to the anxiety and the resting anxiety levels.
Your brother is moving back, and it seems like she wants to keep an eye on you as well.
So, put your well-being first. Take the time to consider what works best for you.
If driving one and half hours is not feasible, then accept that you are going to say no. Practice in front of the mirror until your gestures and facial expressions are natural. This will help you to reduce the anxiety.
Best wishes.

I used to find I would get huge anxiety before major developmental hurdles. Afterwards, I would look back and they would not contain any anxiety. How I feel changes and shifts enormously nowadays, weird but irrelevant...

Learn to call it like you see it with mom. It may surprise her; it may freak her out. Whatever happens though; it will move you both forward. If you are always doing what she wants, how does she ever find out who you are and what you want? You have to be assertive about your own self and needs.

There are 3 power states: like a see saw or a teeter totter I think they're called in the US:

there's passive, down at the bottom on the ground; aggressive up at the top end with its feet in the air; but at the fulcrum there's assertive. If you are passive, you have power and are not using it: you can kick your feet but don't. If you are aggressive you're using power you don't have: you might make a noise but you can't do anything up there.

If you want to win; be the guy in the middle of the see saw. State your needs; give what is needed if it is reasonable, and if it is not reasonable, don't do it.

You'll only have to do this a couple of times and win; you will find it's easy. The fear will go. It's only scary because it's unknown.

I think we need to tell friends and family what we can and can't do. I have two sisters that don't live near me. I can't fly. Doesn't matter what's going on. I can't fly.

One of my sisters is going through a series of surgeries and she knows I cannot physically be there for her. But I can send prayers and flowers, be available to talk, do research so she knows what to expect and help research resources and so on.

You may be able to help your mother a great deal - but you get to decide what that will look like. I think the first thing is determining what it is she needs. Maybe she needs your emotional support AND a ride. You could arrange for her to have a ride while you speak with her on the phone providing support.

Consider what they need and then tell them what you can do.

I know how tricky anxiety is. You think something will be fine or think you'll be able to do something and then the day comes and it seems monumentally impossible.

My friends and family know that I may make plans and have to cancel at the last minute. It helps a great deal. For a time, I didn't make any plans and I was so bored and lonely. Now, I go ahead and make the plans and can make it about 75% of the time. It's a lot better.