Hi NickiJo (love that name).

I applaud you for sticking with the medication, therapy, and everything you are doing.

The journaling will really help to see how far you've come since before you started doing all of those things. You say a subtle improvement... that's better than getting worse, right? :)

Could need a medication adjustment...

Do you feel the Remeron is doing something? If not, call your doctor and let them know, as they might need to adjust the dose. Sometimes medication doses need to be adjusted after trying them for a couple weeks.

Remeron says in their description that it would be 4 weeks to START seeing improvement, so that is definitely a long acting drug.

Hang in there, you are doing great!

Thank you for your response, (and the compliments.) Getting a hold of the doctor is nearly impossible. I have a set appointment for the 1st of October where we will discuss meds. Today, my therapist shot up my anxiety by insinuating that I was just going to have to learn to live with it, and that I would never feel like my normal self again. I can't imagine that this is the only progress I'm ever going to make. I'm barely functional, but at the same time, a month and a half ago, I wasn't functional at all. It is a scary thought to just think that this is it. Do you have my experience with using antidepressants? Did they help you get back to your normal self? Or at least close to it? Oddly, I feel closest to "normal" during the night, a few hours before bedtime. I go to bed feeling very close to my normal self, but wake up feeling the restlessness, dizziness, and anxiety all over again. Then, I struggle with it all day. Some days are better than others, but there don't seem to be any triggers. It just creeps up on me, and the only thing that seems to alleviate it, is taking a low dose of Klonopin (.25mg at a time.)

Your situation sounds a lot like mine, with the exception that I don't take a daily medication...yet. I do have clonopin on an as needed basis. I often wonder if I'll ever feel normal again. However, I know here's hope out there, and if I keep taking it day by day, that maybe there will be more good than bad days. And eventually I'll be anxiety free, or it'll be at an undetectable level.

I know you said you don't have specific triggers (same for me), but what kind of thoughts are you having when you feel anxious?

Things will and do get better. Just remember to take baby steps. You're doing all the right things.

Thank you for your response. I really do try to remain calm when I start to feel it creeping in. There is so much of this that I don't understand. I never struggled with these issues before 4 months ago. I am new to all of it. It just seems to come out of no where, and just try to stay on top of it with the low doses of Klonopin. I typically take .25mg twice a day, but I don't even really like how it makes me feel. I thought the point to antidepressants was to alleviate the symptoms. Like I said, I know I've made progress from a month and a half ago, but I seriously can't imagine that this is the end of the line, and I'm just going to have to struggle through it for the rest of my life. I power through every day just to stay barely functional, and some days can be so difficult

Did anything happen four months ago that may have started you feeling anxious? How did you know it was anxiety you were feeling? Or did it take a Dr to tell you that's what was going on?

This isn't the end of the line. Like GirlInCalif mentioned, it takes a while for your daily meds to kick in. So give it some time. I know it's hard to feel like you will never be normal again. But there really isn't a normal, there's just you. And this is you right now. But not you forever.

There isn't anything in particular that I can think of that triggered this. I did not know it was anxiety, it took several doctors to tell me it was. I was in denial, and parts of me still can't believe it. I've never experienced anything like this before. I know that "normal" doesn't really exist, but this is ridiculous. I'm just wondering if I will ever get back to feeling like my normal self, and not in a constant struggle

I really feel your pain. I have also been reading your posts since you first started posting on here and it is just a difficult question to answer. I firmly believe the more I think about my anxiety, why do I have anxiety, will it go away, will I always be like this.... the worse I get.

As has been said on these posts, anxiety is part of life. We can not get rid of it completely. But for yours, it seems something had to have triggered it. If you can think back, real hard, or explore with your therapist (have you tried hypnosis?), I do think that if you figure out the day it started... what happened that day... (did it have to do with the pandemic, do you think?) Did something happen that made you feel unsafe.... IF you know the trigger, you can work on that specific issue.

Or, could it be something from your past, childhood trauma, etc. that is coming up now.

Other than figuring out what it is, I would suggest writing in your journal several times a day, just short sentences. I think it is the medication that is making you feel better at night. Probably the Klonopin is relaxing you, as it is a calming type of drug. (Or is there a circumstance in the evening that calms you, such as someone is home to help you, etc).

Not all of us have a reason why anxiety started. Yours just happened recently, so I think if you could figure out what started it, and work on that issue.

I think you said you had all lab work done. Did you get your hormones checked? Something simple to try... why not.

I feel your pain and I wish you so much luck. Hugs.

You will feel happy and fulfilled again. I can't say you will feel like "yourself" again though.

In my experience, I change over time and mental health plays a role in how I change. I've realized that I am not the person I was a year ago or even a few months ago.

Sometimes I miss being the old me but at the same time I am happy I've changed. I have not "recovered" from anxiety at all, in fact I haven't went away from my home in 2 years.

But I do still have times of fulfilment and happiness. I have good times with family, fun with my dog. I create things, I can enjoy life and I have times where anxiety doesn't get in the way.

Even when it is present, if I challenge it, I can have an awesome time and make good memories despite it being there.

Obviously I have my bad days it's not perfect, life would definitely be easier and better without anxiety but you learn to live with it and still have a good time.

Sorry this is a bit long but I wanted to try and show that you will feel good again. It just takes a while to get into the routine of dealing with the anxiety.

@GirlinCalif I really can't think of anything that triggered all of this. The only thing I can think of is the passing of my father and sister October and November of last year...however, I felt like I was processing it. As for the sudden break down that started on June...no clue. I don't take the Klonopin at night, mainly because I don't feel like I need it. Nothing is different from night and day. My husband is home, supportive, and present with me. I don't do anything different during the night that would make sense as to why I feel more "normal", or myself. This all really has been one big question mark. I have made progress from a month and a half go, but I really can't see this being all there is. I had a psychiatrist tell me that she was worse than what I was, and she is now living a normal life as a psychiatrist. In fact, she became a psychiatrist because of her experience. I don't see why remission couldn't be possible for me as well. I know it's still early into treatment (6 weeks and 4 days) so I'm desperately hoping that there's more progress to come. Especially when it comes to alleviating the symptoms.

I've had so many labs drawn. All normal. Although my doc has recently decided to round all the bases and has sent me out to a cardiologist for low BP and consistently high pulse rate. I've just started medication to raise my blood pressure, and I have an appointment with the neurologist in a few weeks as well. I have my follow up appointment with my psychiatrist on the 1st to discuss meds and any progress I've made. It's been a very slow process, but I'm hoping to feel more like my normal self at some point. I've never experienced anything like this before, so this is all brand new to me. Frustratingly so.

@FrogSoup Thank you for your reply. I am brand new to all this. I've never experienced anything like this. I m able to leave my home to run errands, and I am functional with my family, but it definitely is a daily struggle. I'm not quite sure where it came from, but I am determined to figure it all out. I feel very close to normal during the evening times. Today actually went relatively smoothly. I'm just hoping to continue to make progress

Honestly I have this same thought EVERY SINGLE DAY! I constantly wonder if I’ll ever be normal again. This shit is such a burden on my life. I wish there was a magical fix to rid of this anxiety. We could only hope for some peace in all this...sooner than later I hope. Because if I have to deal with this forever, I’m gunna be a mess! More than I am now, lol. Ugh.

@lostOne09 How long have you been dealing with anxiety? Do you take antidepressants? It has been a struggle for me as well. Although I'm relatively new to all of this, it's crazy to think that it will always be this way. I've been making progress, so I'm just trying to remain positive that I keep going in that direction.

I believe that you don't know what triggered it, so for now, forget about trying to think what caused it. It may come to you later, when you are not thinking about it.

Making progress, however small, is going in the right direction. Have to be patient (I know that is so hard).

See how you do. If the medicine is not completely helping, call your prescribing physician and let them know how you are feeling. You do not have to wait until your next scheduled appointment to do this. You can leave a voicemail with the details of how you feel.

For now, I will say don't worry about being worried. It's normal to have a lot of "What If's", but I think in your case, just keep living your life, doing what you normally would be doing, and live life even through having the anxiety.

The more we fight anxiety, the more it sticks around. Try not to give it any of your energy. Ignore it the best you can. Worrying about it will only cause more anxiety.

Please keep us posted. I am rooting for you.

I have very little, if any experience with "Normal," but I have yet to see anything good come from living in the past, whatever that past may be. Any chance of embracing this experience as an opportunity to create a braver, more compassionate version of the old you?

Just wondering. . .

Continued support while you grieve your loss.

@GirlinCalif It is extremely difficult to get a hold of the psychiatrist. I have to go through my case worker, which is difficult to get a hold of. I am doing my best to hang in there, and there is so much of this I don't understand. Often, I can't even describe what I'm feeling when I'm feeling it, and this all just came out of the blue last June. I've never struggled with anxiety before, and I never would have thought it was anxiety that I was experiencing every day, if a doctor didn't tell me that was what I was experiencing. I am not trying to get back to the "old me," what I am asking, is if I will ever not be struggling so much? Like at night, I don't experience any of those feelings