Have you ever seen Adventure Guide's weeks of suggestions? Check it out, friend her and then read her weeks . One is stop when you realize you are thinking negative and change it to something positive. I was fairly amazed at how negative I could be. I would have said I was optimistic!! It is so worth the effort to go thru her weeks.

I agree with polly about adventure guide's weeks of suggestions. They are awesome, and work wonderfully with CBT. I have found negative thinking like polly where I thought I was being positive, and had to laugh at myself.

Great question! I also find it difficult to really enjoy the good in life.

Something that helps me: When I am thinking of all the what ifs, and they are all bleak, I try to stop and write down "What if..." followed by some possible positive outcomes. I realize that my brain is biased toward looking for negative possibilities, and I have to force myself to also look for possible positive things that could happen. I read somewhere that looking only at the negative is just as unrealistic as looking only at the positives; this helped me feel that it was safe and reasonable to admit that positive things are actually possible.

I read, somewhere, that our brains are working hard to keep us safe. In order to do that, they are constantly scanning and keeping an eye out for potential problems or dangers. In survival terms, it is more important to not get eaten by a tiger than it is to find food to eat or to enjoy a sunset. So, when I find myself anticipating bad things that might happen, I thank my brain for working so hard to keep me from becoming a main course.

I also read that our brains don't like to use more energy than necessary. So, where possible, the brain acts out of habit, because it takes less energy. (In other words, we keep doing what we have learned to do.) Example: When I was small, I was very shy and timid, and I learned to view meeting new people as potentially dangerous. Because my brain works so well at learning, and at keeping me safe, it very naturally now tries to avoid meeting new people. It predicts that meeting new people will be a negative experience.

AdventureGuide nicely describes how learning to think positively is like learning a new language, or any other skill: It is developing a new set of habits, through deliberate effort and through lots of practice.

Your brain can learn to think in different ways! Think of all the things you have learned in your life so far: How to stand up and walk. How to tie your shoes. How to drive. How to sign your name. How to do multiplication. All of these things felt difficult at one time, but you learned them.

I think it is important to practice repeatedly and consistently, just as you would if you were learning Japanese. Learn, learn, learn. Practice, practice, practice. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Eventually, your brain can become fluent in that strange language called thinking positive thoughts.

(Long post; hope something in it will encourage you.)

Negativity seems to be a way of life.....an unwanted bad habit...sorta like smoking, biting your nails, etc.
Over a long period of time the habit takes over and becomes second nature. We do it out of habit and it wreaks all kinds of bad effects....i.e. anxiety/constant worry.
I always thought I was a positive person....always smiling and telling jokes. Deep inside I was crying and lonely....telling myself negative messages about how stupid I was. I was critical about every little thing (too slow.....not pretty.......lazy.....and the list goes on and on).
In order to change, I had to become very honest and take a good look at what I was doing and thinking. It was difficult to look at what I was doing to myself. I spent years torturing and judging myself.
Once I identified what I was thinking and how those thoughts came to be......I had to stay conscious of it and interrupt the thoughts and counter them with new....positive thoughts and actions.
I know talking to yourself seems silly, but AdventureGuide showed us how to make new pathways in our brains and talking to myself with new messages seemed like the only logical thing to do.....and so I did it CONSISTENTLY. It took time.....months......to change a lifetime (54 years) of horrible messages I had adopted of others ideas of me. I examined what others had said and thought about me and decided to care more about what I think and say about myself....to heck with others.....they don't know the real me cuz I always hid that away from everyone. I came to the conclusion that I am a nice person. I have wonderful and amazing qualities. I have a lot to offer this world. I have just as much right to live and be here as anyone else. I have amazing eyes. I have great skin. I am generous.....and gracious.
I do have flaws too.....but I embrace them as part of being human and do not dwell on them.
I live in the moment and have learned that on the other side of fear....is freedom :)
I have had to walk through fearful situations and am still here to tell you that I survived them. There is nothing wrong with being afraid as long as I don't let it dictate my life and let me pass by good opportunities that enhance my life.
Life is a process.....trial and error my friend. There is no shame in making mistakes. No shame in being knocked down and getting back up instead of giving up. That is where anxiety thrives and I won't give it or anyone that kind of power....ever again!

Make some new pathways in your brain. Don't give up just becuz it doesn't happen over night. You did not acquire anxiety over night....it took years. Become a conscious thinker. Interrupt the negative thoughts and counter it with a positive thought/words (doing so out loud is ok). Put on some positive music (I love Pharrell Williams song "Happy"). Surround yourself with positive peeps and things you love as negative folks will bring you down. Either get rid of the negative Nellie's or limit your time with them....get away from them if they start talking negative.
Then and only then when you surround yourself with positive people, things, and thoughts can you change from negative to positive....and have it stick.
You can do this......believe in yourself and you WILL indeed change for the better.
May you find peace and happiness and live an anxiety free life :)

Boy do I feel do the same thing, but I pray and say a rosary everday to fight off the negative thoughts, then off to my ocd routine.

Some people get off on negativity, and they feed that doom and gloom to their children/spouses - and have no idea of the intensification of the effect of that.

They're just mouthing off. They get a jolt out of it. They love it. 'we're all gonna die' they chortle. 'The government's about to collapse!'

They clearly have no real problems. If they did, they wouldn't get off on inflicting this stuff on the rest of us.

I think we can soak it up, and take it seriously. And once we've done that we're sunk, because we have to follow the thought or issue through to its logical conclusion, and guard against it if it appears realistic.

And that can bring us down.

There's only one cure for it that I found: and that was to investigate the actual issue, and see how realistic that fear was.

To review dispassionately the risk and the result, and then guard against what I could guard against, and leave the rest to whatever supernatural being might be looking after those things. Because I couldn't.

People who worry about the future I am sure do not worry completely. Do not think it through completely. Yes, my daughter could be hit by a bus. But she also could be hit by a falling whale. Or a meteor. Or murdered by a gunman. or swallowed by the earth. Let's list all the ways my daughter can die if she walks out the door...

and then weigh them up against how many times she has walked out the door and not been hit by a falling whale. Once we have that, we have the basis for a risk analysis. Bad problem, but likelihood approaching zero.


She is much more likely to stub her toe. She is much more likely to get a blister. Not bad problem, but high likelihood.

most issues stack up like this. And if we work them through and take them all seriously, and look at all context and mitigating factors, the worry usually disappears. Worry is from not knowing. Not investigating.

You can't worry if you have the facts.

Here: this is sort of what I mean.

"Clever Elsie" by the Brothers Grimm. A very short read, will take you 2 mins.

http://www.authorama.com/grimms-fairy-tales-33.html

Clever Elsie

There was once a man who had a daughter who was called Clever Elsie. And when she had grown up her father said: We will get her married. Yes, said the mother, if only someone would come who would have her. At length a man came from a distance and wooed her, who was called Hans; but he stipulated that Clever Elsie should be really smart. Oh, said the father, she has plenty of good sense; and the mother said: Oh, she can see the wind coming up the street, and hear the flies coughing. Well, said Hans, if she is not really smart, I wont have her. When they were sitting at dinner and had eaten, the mother said: Elsie, go into the cellar and fetch some beer. Then Clever Elsie took the pitcher from the wall, went into the cellar, and tapped the lid briskly as she went, so that the time might not appear long. When she was below she fetched herself a chair, and set it before the barrel so that she had no need to stoop, and did not hurt her back or do herself any unexpected injury. Then she placed the can before her, and turned the tap, and while the beer was running she would not let her eyes be idle, but looked up at the wall, and after much peering here and there, saw a pick-axe exactly above her, which the masons had accidentally left there.

Then Clever Elsie began to weep and said: If I get Hans, and we have a child, and he grows big, and we send him into the cellar here to draw beer, then the pick-axe will fall on his head and kill him. Then she sat and wept and screamed with all the strength of her body, over the misfortune which lay before her. Those upstairs waited for the drink, but Clever Elsie still did not come. Then the woman said to the servant: Just go down into the cellar and see where Elsie is. The maid went and found her sitting in front of the barrel, screaming loudly. Elsie why do you weep? asked the maid. Ah, she answered, have I not reason to weep? If I get Hans, and we have a child, and he grows big, and has to draw beer here, the pick-axe will perhaps fall on his head, and kill him. Then said the maid: What a clever Elsie we have! and sat down beside her and began loudly to weep over the misfortune. After a while, as the maid did not come back, and those upstairs were thirsty for the beer, the man said to the boy: Just go down into the cellar and see where Elsie and the girl are. The boy went down, and there sat Clever Elsie and the girl both weeping together. Then he asked: Why are you weeping? Ah, said Elsie, have I not reason to weep? If I get Hans, and we have a child, and he grows big, and has to draw beer here, the pick-axe will fall on his head and kill him. Then said the boy: What a clever Elsie we have! and sat down by her, and likewise began to howl loudly. Upstairs they waited for the boy, but as he still did not return, the man said to the woman: Just go down into the cellar and see where Elsie is! The woman went down, and found all three in the midst of their lamentations, and inquired what was the cause; then Elsie told her also that her future child was to be killed by the pick-axe, when it grew big and had to draw beer, and the pick-axe fell down. Then said the mother likewise: What a clever Elsie we have! and sat down and wept with them. The man upstairs waited a short time, but as his wife did not come back and his thirst grew ever greater, he said: I must go into the cellar myself and see where Elsie is. But when he got into the cellar, and they were all sitting together crying, and he heard the reason, and that Elsies child was the cause, and the Elsie might perhaps bring one into the world some day, and that he might be killed by the pick-axe, if he should happen to be sitting beneath it, drawing beer just at the very time when it fell down, he cried: Oh, what a clever Elsie! and sat down, and likewise wept with them. The bridegroom stayed upstairs alone for along time; then as no one would come back he thought: They must be waiting for me below: I too must go there and see what they are about. When he got down, the five of them were sitting screaming and lamenting quite piteously, each out- doing the other. What misfortune has happened then? asked he. Ah, dear Hans, said Elsie, if we marry each other and have a child, and he is big, and we perhaps send him here to draw something to drink, then the pick-axe which has been left up there might dash his brains out if it were to fall down, so have we not reason to weep? Come, said Hans, more understanding than that is not needed for my household, as you are such a clever Elsie, I will have you, and seized her hand, took her upstairs with him, and married her.

After Hans had had her some time, he said: Wife, I am going out to work and earn some money for us; go into the field and cut the corn that we may have some bread. Yes, dear Hans, I will do that. After Hans had gone away, she cooked herself some good broth and took it into the field with her. When she came to the field she said to herself: What shall I do; shall I cut first, or shall I eat first? Oh, I will eat first. Then she drank her cup of broth and when she was fully satisfied, she once more said: What shall I do? Shall I cut first, or shall I sleep first? I will sleep first. Then she lay down among the corn and fell asleep. Hans had been at home for a long time, but Elsie did not come; then said he: What a clever Elsie I have; she is so industrious that she does not even come home to eat. But when evening came and she still stayed away, Hans went out to see what she had cut, but nothing was cut, and she was lying among the corn asleep. Then Hans hastened home and brought a fowlers net with little bells and hung it round about her, and she still went on sleeping. Then he ran home, shut the house-door, and sat down in his chair and worked. At length, when it was quite dark, Clever Elsie awoke and when she got up there was a jingling all round about her, and the bells rang at each step which she took. Then she was alarmed, and became uncertain whether she really was Clever Elsie or not, and said: Is it I, or is it not I? But she knew not what answer to make to this, and stood for a time in doubt; at length she thought: I will go home and ask if it be I, or if it be not I, they will be sure to know. She ran to the door of her own house, but it was shut; then she knocked at the window and cried: Hans, is Elsie within? Yes, answered Hans, she is within. Hereupon she was terrified, and said: Ah, heavens! Then it is not I, and went to another door; but when the people heard the jingling of the bells they would not open it, and she could get in nowhere. Then she ran out of the village, and no one has seen her since.