Marian,

Do you have friends that you could call and chat with? Sometimes it helps to talk on the phone with a girl friend, or even a family member, and just chat and vent.

Be grateful that you had a good day on Sunday. That is a good sign that you will have more good days to come.

Patience. It’s a process.

Literally go outside and breath.

You just started going on your medication. Apply some of the tools people have shared. Engage your néw therapist and ask for recommendations and practice them.

I think reading this book should be seen as one piece of a whole, more complimentary to the entire process, not an absolute fix and certainly not the only game in town.

Be gentle with yourself and patient with the process, Marian. More than one easy breathing day a week really is possible, even during the Hell Weeks.

Practice, practice, practice.

Steadying support while you find your way.

I believe you mentioned Lexapro as the med you started taking again? Be aware that it will take several weeks for it to build up in your system so you start feeling the effects.

Have faith that brighter days are ahead, even when you're almost certain they're not. You CAN get through this and it WILL get better.

Yes lexapro is the med I am taking. And yes, unfortunately I know it takes time as I have been on antidepressants in the past.
And as far as the book goes, I know that is just a piece to the puzzle. Actually, I hesitated going back on the medication, and I really should have sooner.

I just came from speaking with my old therapist. I tell her all I do is worry and have such concern over my son (i literally worry about him constantly). I also have a daughter, but she is so much more forthcoming, she talks more and tells me every little thing. My son is much more quiet, will only talk about the postitives and when good things are happening. He is the one who transferred and my husband freaked out. My therapist knows how I am with my son, who is now 24, so I should be saying it's his life. I do not let him know I worry and he has no idea my concern for him. THerapist told me to write the positives of what he is doing which she is right, there are many. He completely cares for himself (from cooking to laundry ) and he has college class and plays a sport . His GPA is close to a 4.0. But he is the type who has a black cloud follow him around. If something can go wrong it will. But since my son is more quiet and doesn't call and tell things, I don't know if things are going good or bad. So anyway, I have to figure out how to get out of this pattern of worry for him.

Maybe you can try journaling about Sunday. List what made the day a good day and take some of those things one at a time to add into your daily routine.

I know it's extremely hard not to worry about your son. My mom worried herself into A nervous breakdown worrying about my brother. The worrying didn't change anything in his life. Didn't help him in any way. And mentally exhausted my mother. You need to let the medication start working and try to follow your old therapists advice.

Tired that is interesting about your mom doing the same with your brother. I hope you mother is okay.
It’s so hard because as I said it’s like he has a black cloud following him around. So I feel bad for him as well.
And yes I am mentally exhausted. I wouldn’t know what it would feel like to not worry and have a break.

Marian it’s your black cloud following him, not his. Men are notorious for not being open about themselves. They don’t talk about their problems and such as women do. Just because he doesn’t share every detail of his life with you doesn’t mean a thing other than he is behaving like men usually do. His GPA is nearly 4.0, he is active in sports. This does not sound like someone with a dark cloud hanging over him, it sounds like he is proactive in his education and enjoys his athletic abilities. That doesn’t mean his life is perfect, as no one’s life is, but he is learning how to deal with life on his own now that he is away. Give him room to do it, stop projecting doom and gloom over what seems like, according to your own description, a young man thriving on his own. As to good and bad days, we all have them. Why do you have them more often? Because you are stuck in the hand wringing mode, you can’t see a way out. It is easier to fall back into behavior that is familiar than to try to adopt new behavior. Making changes takes time and patience with yourself. You try a little today, tomorrow you try a little more, and so it goes. One good day means you are capable of having more, you just can’t see it yet. Here’s where you step out in faith, practice being patient, keep going forward and stop looking back. The old adage about Rome not being built in a day fits here quite nicely. Recovery is a process, it takes time and patience and willingness to go forward. All the negative feelings and thoughts are keeping your focus off recovery. You have to learn how to accept these thoughts and feelings, not react to them and understand they are what is keeping you from progressing. That’s what the book is trying to teach you to do. But you can’t do it in a day or a week or a month. Your negative thinking has been with you for years, it’s going to take time to turn it around. Start today by looking at what you said about your son, his GPA, his love of sports. Think about what it really says about him, not what your anxiety says.

My thought exactly.

mtd. Thank you for taking the time write. What you’re saying is all true. He is making a way for himself. My worry for him stems from an episode he had a few years back with a bad breakup and he was very distraught and had a tough time. He was very open about then though to me and his father about his feelings. I think I actually have ptsd from that time and worry something will go wrong for him and his personality is such that he will have an episode like that again. So that is why I am in a state like this with him that I worry everyday.
Believe me I do not show how I feel with him. When he calls for something I’m cheery with him. We text back and forth. I never show him this distress I have.
This is the main thing I have to work on in therapy. How to not let my life revolve around worry over him.

Marian it’s a good place to start. You cannot live his life for him, but you do need to be able to support him when he needs it in a positive way. When raising my own daughter I realized that I had to teach her how to stand on her own two feet, not mine. Kids grow into young adults, they change over time, same way we did. They learn, they grow in knowledge and live their lives based on what they have learned. All we can really do, besides keeping our fingers crossed, it to offer positive guidance after they fly the coop. It’s their turn to fly solo.

I have two sons, now in their early 40s. Those college years can be nerve racking…for me I wanted them to finish college, not seriously date until out of college. There’s a statistic I hung onto that if a male child makes it to 25, they have a 98% chance of making it to old age. To help your son’s mind set suggest him check out YouTube channels on Law of Attraction, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Dr. Gregg Braden for uplifting information on changing mind sets…it is possible. I essentially had a neurology breakdown when my brother started managing the family trust. Had to turn to Protective services to file and elder abuse claim. My anxiety skyrocketed me to a psychiatrist and on meds. The YouTube channels have helped me greatly. Plus there are meditations to help just close your eyes and escape into your heart. Best to you and as you see your son making positive choices know he’s on the right track.

Well Libralin I am sorry but this just put my worry to a whole new level if I’m going to be honest. The statistic regarding if a boy makes it past 25…. really. This is my whole worry every day of my life. That he will be safe.
I know you are just giving me facts but I didn’t need some of this information.
I think I may need a break from daily strength.
Although so many were so helpful and writing out my problems has helped me.

Marian, all of these insights are to give you a different perspective to help you figure out what works for you and leave the rest alone.

You are fighting a battle of which does NOT end with a simple 'yes' or 'no' response. Whatever you choose to do, it is your choice to take the chance to change how you do your healing.

If what someone is sharing gives you a 'worry' moment, then instead of taking it in and adding it to your 'worry' basket, let it go.

"Worry" is a word. Write out exactly what it means to you, what it does to your feelings, how it makes you feel both inside and through your body motion.

Once you take on the challenge of working through your feelings about how you handled a situation with your son being open with his feelings and you move through the 'letting go' of how he's doing now, you'll find your way through the worst of the anxiety.

You are the only one who can change your mindset. All anyone else is able to do is provide suggestions, give you their insight, and let you know you're not alone in this.

Keep writing it out.