It doesn’t matter what you are obsessing about, your son, the dogs, etc. All these obsessions are only symptoms of the bigger problem, low confidence and the resulting anxiety. If you want this to stop, dust off the book and get started. It’s so worth it. Getting it off your chest doesn’t help in the long run, every day you wake up is like this. Your obsessions will change, but it will still be the same, the agonizing anxiety, until you start to do something positive about it. I hope for your sake you do Marian. Anxiety is only excessive fear and it can be dealt with effectively.

I am such in a bad place.
This is just not what I want my life to be.
I spoke w my therapist yesterday and actually texted her to see if she has availability again today.
Because when I stop and look at the big picture I see no end in sight that I would feel better.
And yes I will read again.
I have to

Choose life or choose exist-the choice is yours.

You are right Mid.
Right now I am existing with some doing because I have to (but just getting by each day).

may i count it as solid progress that you are taking responsibility for the cycle instead of blaming the objects of your obsessing? in my own journey through the empty nest syndrome, that very bit of progress was what allowed me to embrace life outside my gilded cage.

but, every journey is unique. one person's progress is another person's setback.

by coincidence, my still living child has been in contact this week, too. he is 42 now and living on the streets. my worry chair has been rocking overtime. gentle empathy on the difficulty of getting up out of the maternal worry chair.

taking ^it^ one step at a time and letting god lead the dance. small steps, big faith and lots of prayer. lots and lots of prayer. prayer gives me something to do when there is nothing i CAN do.

Hi Marian,

It could very well be that you are overthinking about your son right now because you were just on vacation together as a family. I tend to think a lot about my family after we have all been together. Then, again, when on your vacation you were worried about your dogs.

It seems like a vicious worry cycle for you and I am sorry that you go through it over and over. What does your therapist suggest? And have you tried any of those suggestions?

I have had times in my life in which my entire day is absorbed by my anxiety and it is no fun, but then there come good days when I feel so much better.

I try to look forward to at least one thing a day to give me that spark.

I wish that for you, too.

I was like that with my sister for 20+ years. It took a lot of therapy, and then trusting that her life force and will to live in the universe was specific to her. (I know that sounds woo woo, but I believe that) She has a will to thrive and enjoy life, learn lessons, fall in love, etc. and none of that is my responsibility or even ability to give to her. No matter how hard I worry, it doesn't help her or me. In fact, it hurts me, because stress slaps your body around pretty hard.

I liken my worry to a freight train that's going so fast I can't get off it. There are many techniques to slow it down or stop it all together.

Have you ever done really focused envisioning? When my sister was late, or didn't call when she said, I would go full panic mode. One of my therapists told me to change my vision of all the catastrophic things that I knew certainly went wrong.... to positives, including enveloping her in a protective white light. She's late, it's not a car accident, it's some annoying colleague who never shuts up and she's too polite to walk away. Etc. This works in micro seconds at a time, but you can build on it. Find a positive thought, and force your brain to repeat it. Does that make sense?

I hope that helps. Either way, HUGS to you.

Seaglass, yes that vacation definitely makes me long to be closer in proximity to my kids. We spent a lot of time together while away. I did worry about the dogs , I’ve learned a lesson for next time (hopefully there will be one) on what each dog needs to be more comfortable as they get stressed. I did have to take one to the vet as his arthritis is bad and his spine was bothering him. I agree that I have days that anxiety absorbs the entire day (lately more days than not). I used to also have the days where I would say oh wow I feel kind of good today.

Stormcloud your worry for your sister does sound similar to mine w my son. I know worry does not help anything. My therapist will tell me the same thing about why he didn’t respond to me or why my son is quiet this week. She tries to help me deal with it. I listen during my sessions but I generally go back to being me.

Here’s why therapy doesn’t help a lot. You are dealing with issues that aren’t the most important one, the anxiety. You are caught in a loop of never ending issues and “worries” because of the anxiety. Deal with your anxiety and fear first, then all these other issues will be easier to deal with or just disappear. Therapists don’t teach us the most important issue of anxiety, what it is all about and how it causes all these endless “worries.” Get the book out and start dealing with the anxiety and fear first. You will have to trust me on this Marian. All these worries are just manifestations or symptoms of the anxiety/fear state.

True mtd. Because I have just so much time and we discuss my goings on for the past week or since last time I spoke with her. So I talk about what is bothering me most at that point there are times we touch on the real issue , anxiety, but we generally don’t have the time. Especially since I really have no one to talk to, my therapist is the only one I have to tell everything to. So I wait for that session to let loose.

So start with the book again, let everything else ( worries) go as best you can and start practicing acceptance. The truth of the matter is the anxiety is what is causing the worries about your son, the dogs, everything. Once you get into the hang of acceptance and the anxiety starts losing it’s grip on you, you will clearly “see” that is the case. For what it’s worth, you are wasting time focused on the wrong things. Instead, try, as best you can, to stay focused on acceptance. It’s a long road, for a few reasons, you have been this way for a long time and it will take time to learn, but what do you have better to do? Worry and waste time? Another reason is that we’re older, we don’t learn as fast as we did as a young person. But it can be done. Get it in gear Marian, for yourself. Things will fall into place eventually, it will take time, but it will happen.

In my experience therapy can help with anxiety but therapy alone isn’t really “managing” anxiety.

For me, the therapeutic process was more about working through issues that had me stuck or were deeply affecting my well-being. But, working through those issues also led to discussions and exercises around managing anxiety, learning coping skills, practicing new ways of thinking, etc. That absolutely was a game changer for me when it came to dealing with anxiety.

Therapy is a process. It’s certainly not a cure for anything. I think it’s an important part of the equation when anxiety is just a symptom of deeper issues.

But everyone is different. find what resonates with you. If it’s a book, videos, meditation, drawing, writing, etc, do it. The finer point is taking some kind of initiative and then seeing what sticks. I can’t do most self help books. They just don’t really connect with me. But other things do. It’s finding for yourself what kind of gives you a little traction to start really applying strategies to help cope.

My therapy sessions right now consist of , as I mentioned earlier, getting so much off my chest because I have no one to talk to. So at this point they probably aren’t productive in helping with the main cause which is the anxiety.
She does give me tricks to try for the morning etc.

Apply the tricks but don’t half-ass apply them. Be intentional, Be committed. Be patient.

I think articulating your feelings in a safe environment without bias is actually part of the process. It really is. It’s not mine to sort out but I’d be surprised if anxiety is the main cause of anything. In my experience anxiety is a symptom requiring management, but not the cause or the thing that has me stuck. But like I said, everyone is different.

I sometimes believe that. As, before I got "this" bad, my anxiety was very situational, so when something big was coming up or waiting for a result of something, then my anxiety would kick in, and then go away when the event ended. I feel it has now grown to a round the clock horrible feeling.
So my son has things I worry about that cause me anxiety, my husband causes me anxiety 24 hours a day, I over worry about my dogs. This project in my yard (pool, etc) which is a huge ordeal. When my husband said speak your mind now on the negatives; I gave him my feelings ( I didn't want to feel trapped here now we have this project going on, and I still want to be able to go away.) Well husband is totally stressed over the project (that's his personality, I could have told him that) He doesn't listen. If we didn't do this he could have such a load off himself ( which he also alot of it brings on himself) So this project made things worse than they were before.

I woke up today and just put my head in my hands and said, now I have to get through another day. When I tell you I cannot stand it, I cannot stand it.
So interesting because I used to LOVE being in my home, and now I have started to resent it. I thought I wanted to keep this house because it reminded me of my family and I couldn't leave. Well now I think that was a big mistake. Moving from here may have helped my situation greatly. AND talk about being stuck. With this giant project going on , we aren't going anywhere.

I’m here with a sick stomach. It is now every single day. I have had no relief in so long.

I want to run away. I really do. I cannot handle this feeling anymore.