Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Can I note that the way we address mental illness is arguably a little strange as opposed to other things. Assume someone is trying to learn golf. The teacher will note where his swing is incorrect, and they will work on correcting it and creating a good one within his ability. If this were mental illness, would they tell him, have confidence in your swing, you're doing a good job and send him to a support group with other people with bad swings.
If you're learning math and not doing well, the tutor will teach you what to do, not put you with others having similar problems.
I raise this dealing with someone with anxiety and depression and I want to say the usual things, things can get better, take one step at a time, learn from your mistakes but don't look back. Interestingly there was a public service announcement saying similar things but noting these are the things not to say.
My job involved public speaking and I was having some challenges, asked for feedback and several people gave me positive ones. However, one person said your silences and uh, uhs, are annoying why don't you prepare and write out your speech. It was hard hearing but of tremendous help.
In any case, as a family member, it's frustrating to be told not to convey feedback that will seemingly help but nonetheless be supportive.
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Has anyone else noticed that clearly speaking and doing things intentionally is liberating because it helps combat the feeling of depression and a sense of hopelessness? Let me share a little more: in my experience, when those who have tried to project a hidden agenda that is obviously not aligned with integrity and well-being, it's best to be firm and speak clearly from self-awareness and...
Take care of yourself and don't neglect your own mental health and stamina, by keeping your sanity and own peace of mind. We're all grown educated and a well-informed people, smart enough to know what is broken. Such as a broken-down metal frame (system) and how it can rehabilitate the persona to operate daily functions. We all know this can affect the person's direct point of contact (such as you mention with your line of work) and of course, those around (her/them).
Honestly Bobby... I'm not a counselor, nor a mental health nurse... but I know what it feels like to be human and I happily share, I have been a military wife, spouse & dependent, the best way to name the fact my sponsor is my husband and sole provider. It was essential and empirical for him to stay of sound mind to make sure he could fulfill his mission and active duty and as a re-elisted member of the Armed Forces. However, that was many years ago... I was the one who was receiving the heat. However, the reason I mention is because I had to empathize with him and his career to understand the power struggle with the challenges we as a family faced that involved the power struggle to be survivors. Mind you, as a result of the power struggle, we are currently separated by mutual choice. However, we recognize, that we (our family) work out better together by respecting boundaries in two different hemispheres (metaphorically speaking). He's moved on and so have I. I'm just waiting for my better half to arise with me from my seat as I await.
From your experience, as you describe, it has been my understanding and based on observation, that your wife cannot be able to empathize with you in your daily roles as her sole provider... I am not sure if that is correct. I also read somewhere that a person who takes medication can in fact experience apathy (not excusing but it does occur). It has also been known that the affected person, can even use a medical condition/diagnosis to call the shots in his life and for those around in their daily life, with a hidden agenda. You do mention your wife is very crafty in making whim decisions with her condition that work for her in her favor rather than considering all parties (such as you).
This is why I urge you to take care of yourself, I sense a method and form of manipulation is involved when consideration of another is denied. You mention she is not suicidal and she will not hold it against you if you need to go for a walk, away from her to keep your own peace of mind intact. After all, you do have free agency, you are who you are, wise and considerate of another because you are not her and she is not you, you are both coping with each other's internal realities differently in the external context of the workforce for a solution. Such as the power struggle my family and I fell under. Thank God, we're all survivors. Then again, my words can just be an honest and altruistic opinion based on my level of awareness with my personal experience, however, the feelings I get from your own typed-up words are real. I mean no ill intentions here, just to establish a better mental health system all around on Mental Health Awareness Month.
I told her we could address the problem, she said I may have left the door open, and when she kept repeating how upset she was, it became immensely frustrating and I became equally upset. Ultimately you want someone who cares for you, if you make a mistake will get over it.
It is difficult to figure how to respond to someone with serious anxiety when they are upset, Suggesting they calm down does little, yelling feels good but rarely solves the problem, but calmly listening and sympathizing can be equally frustrating- imagine, there is a 40 pound sled you're pushing up a hill in freezing weather, you manage to move it 10 feet up in 45 minutes but it falls back the same distance minutes later, leaving you freezing and accomplishing nothing. Thus it is frustrating and so it is with trying to reason with someone in an anxiety breakdown. I told her I've been working very hard, 70 hours a week to get the nice house she wanted, spend another 30 hours trying to deal with her situation and just wanted one f-ing vacation day to relax but that was too much,
We did go out for dinner later and make up.
I wonder if empathy vs sympathy could be more beneficial
Gentle hug to you & your wife who sounds like she’s going through a lot too <3
That's my problem if for no other reason, she will want me to stay home then. So I will have to accomodate anxious Jenny who is actively messing up our lives. Imagine if your husband were having an affair, bad, but then he asks you to iron his pants and says he needs a couple of hundred dollars for a new shirt and money for dinner. Why should I accomodate anxious Jenny to damage me and my wife. Shouldn't I tell her, fine you don't want to go, then I'm going out and you figure this out.
As you can tell, I am getting more and more stressed, I told her back when, if you keep this stuff up, you will get yourself sick and if you continue, you will get me sick. I tell her, are you happy I'm stressed, have chest discomfort, don't say you don't want this to happen, because you're doing everything to make it happen. Again with the infidelity analogy, husband comes home at 2:30 A.M after seeing his girlfriend and says I love you and would never want to hurt you. Isn't the response, don't give me that crap, be honest enough to say, I wanted to make you unhappy, and happy to accomplish that, at least that's honest.
In any event, definitely looking for a therapist, relaxation technique, because I feel really stressed out, and powerless to do anything to resolve it.
I go to a therapist to try to get help for my PTSD.
You guys both have my empathy, when you talked about how the refrigerator bothered her like that I felt like that must have felt scary. & Also when you wrote about having chest pains too that can be scary too.
I hope you guys are having an okay as possible evening.
* if you moving forward find any relaxation techniques that are helpful, feel free to come here & share them if you can :)
Gentle hug <3
1. Punishment Schools and parents may punish the child, didn't get your form in, no school play day, lost your jacket, allowance reduced. While this can show the importance of the problem, it doesn't provide a roadmap for solution.
2. Kind words and encouragement. Alternatively, someone could say, don't worry, you're doing the best you can. While that's nice, it just leaves the problem as-is.
3. Constructive solutions Perhaps the best way. Acknowledge the problem is hard, and soften suggestions with kind words. Then note the solution is to develop better procedures. Where are dates recorded and checked. Go over where papers are kept in a nice, supportive fashion, would a folder help, Followup constructively, no blame for mistakes, but just go over how things could be improved with better procedures.
And with that, depression and anxiety are lessened. I did 3 myself, but outsiders seemed to focus and 1 or 2.
I've told her, either do what the doctors say, or if you can handle things on your, then return to normal and meet with friends, etc. Perhaps that was wrong, do what the doctors say might be best but that does not empower her to control her own life.