Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Can I note that the way we address mental illness is arguably a little strange as opposed to other things. Assume someone is trying to learn golf. The teacher will note where his swing is incorrect, and they will work on correcting it and creating a good one within his ability. If this were mental illness, would they tell him, have confidence in your swing, you're doing a good job and send him to a support group with other people with bad swings.
If you're learning math and not doing well, the tutor will teach you what to do, not put you with others having similar problems.
I raise this dealing with someone with anxiety and depression and I want to say the usual things, things can get better, take one step at a time, learn from your mistakes but don't look back. Interestingly there was a public service announcement saying similar things but noting these are the things not to say.
My job involved public speaking and I was having some challenges, asked for feedback and several people gave me positive ones. However, one person said your silences and uh, uhs, are annoying why don't you prepare and write out your speech. It was hard hearing but of tremendous help.
In any case, as a family member, it's frustrating to be told not to convey feedback that will seemingly help but nonetheless be supportive.
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
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Here's why it's not helpful. Once you've heard it in that 'tone of voice', you tune out the words because even though the person speaking is being 'helpful to fix' they are not really being supportive, they are speaking at you.
I spoke those same words back at someone in the 'tone of voice' and asked them how they felt about being talked at. It changed it, a little, and even as it continues, my response is silence. No sense in rehashing something that is someone else's idea of 'help'.
Good thing sharing on here, though, because you give an insight as to why public speaking is such a challenge. It needs to be rehearsed in order to sound polished.
Here's to finding success in helping in a way that provides positive interaction for both you and your spouse.
what is that teacher going to have to say about listening to my spouse more closely than i listen to the teacher, especially if the spouse considers themselves an expert golfer?
I agree with much of what mtd said, I'm familiar with both books, but my wife can change in a moment. Thus, if she is with friends, or even medical professionals, she will switch to the competent, emotionally controlled, intelligent person she had been. So she seemingly has the ability to do what is needed.
Old Jenny would come to airports 3 hours in advance but we missed a flight to my mom's funeral because anxious Jenny came late (fortunately got on a later one). I have said, how do we get old Jenny in control instead of anxious Jenny who is running a lot of things now. Indeed, my wife sometimes says I want my old self or my old life back.
The examples and analogies referenced are simplistic, and aren’t really comparable when the issue is illness, whether mental or physical.
Mental illness is an actual illness. So instead of a golf analogy or work analogy, perhaps switch it out with a physical illness analogy. If your wife had cancer, would you feel compelled to instruct her and give her feedback on what steps she would need to take to get well or feel better? That seems presumptuous.
If you had a husband who came home at 3 in the morning and said he's had an illness, alcoholism, would you accept that as a reason/excuse, and what if had a gambling problem or some other condition classified as an illness.
My wife did have cancer, thyroid, and that was 100 times easier and less stressful than dealing with this.
I would encourage you to talk to your wife and address any issues you have of her with her, in your relationship with her. A heart-to-heart conversation with your wife can open doors to new wonders! Who knows, maybe you both need to close a chapter together and bond. Maybe you both need to explore a creative way to channel how you both feel independently and collectively.
If you feel stuck in a relationship where you cannot be yourself, at her expense, perhaps you should seek personal professional counseling. You already have the answer I'm sure, it's just a matter of being (brutally) openly honest with yourself.
In my opinion, a happy marriage is heavenly, a sacred union to be enjoyed together based on mutual respect, understanding, and harmony for one in the other. Wish you the best!
P.S. A man after God's own heart knows, that God doesn't want nor need sacrifice from man. Obedience is rather best, listening to your own words, they are a reflection of your own heart.
Having been raised by an alcoholic, I recognized no matter what pragmatic guidance or feedback I provided, the warped thought processes and alcoholic brain of my father prevented any clarity or accountability on his part. Alcoholism is an illness. I fully accept that. That doesn’t mean I don’t set boundaries and take care of my own emotional well-being. It means I reset expectations and accept I can’t fix someone else.
I suspect anxiety is just one piece of the pie your wife is dealing with.
Take some deep breaths.... Confessionsofaqueen has some great ideas!
Anxiety is hard to deal with on both ends. Take some time to do what makes you happy we all need that. Some people let Anxiety fears control them completely and some deal with it and make it livable. Hugs to you and your wife
1. She seems to be doing better in the last 2 days. She cleaned our room, did laundry, spoke to some people, and went on 2 good walks with our friend. However, she missed taking Ambilify. The psychiatrist thought she was doing all right which made her feel good; he reduced but did not eliminate Ambilify.
Do I push her to take it regularly as she supposed to. Everyone has said that on and off is the worst thing. She did have some bad thoughts before we moved, (who are these people what are they doing here).
2. She likes to take rides which can pose a problem. So I have emails, calls, other issues, and she wants to drive around and not come home, probably the issue of getting a house has been associated with trauma. An hour is all right but when we start getting past 2 and I have work accumulating, it's more and more stressful to me. Then sometimes I feel like taking a break though I accomplished nothing workwise, but did have the stress associated with work.
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