Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
The last few days have been really good, but really tough. My daughter graduates from high school. I'm beyond proud of her and I'm so excited for her, but it's bittersweet because the next chapter of her life is going to take her off to new places and I'll see less of her. We've been to her graduation, which happened in person without masks. We then had a party for her the next night with loads of people at our house and, again, no masks. It was great to be around people and everything, but it's been 14 months since anything like that has happened and it's been stressful and draining.
My parents have also been in town for the graduation and I haven't seen them in almost two year. It's been great to see them. But, my dad has dementia and it's really beginning to become evident and that is really hard to see. It's like he's here and not here at the same time. And I can see how it has been wearing in my mom. I haven't even really been able to open myself to how it feels because there has been so much going on and, now that things are winding down, I'm anxious about really experiencing those emotions.
It's just been an emotional and draining couple of days and I'm really beginning to feel it.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Seeing your daughter grow and mature is wonderful but now she will leave the nest and be on her own. That is a powerful time in your life. While your daughter will always be your child, your relationship will probably change. And, I have been through the heartache of seeing my own mother succumb to dementia. It's flat out grueling. There is a book called "The Long Good-Bye" about seeing the slow decline in a parent with dementia, hence the name of the book. I hope that you'll let yourself feel the emotions. I am sure you will get through these times. Best to You
I've been campaigning for a "Start of Summer Party" for my 3 foster kids, but I fell apart and chickened out yesterday. The children had not had time to process their still new orphanhood in a new area when Corona crowned. By the end of March 2020, they were grieving the loss of their world more than they were grieving the loss of their parents. The mask madness has made it nearly impossible for them to establish a social life. The thought was that party invitations to the entire class of their respective classes would allow the social contact socially distant maskite school prohibited.
The reality is that Hubs and I have been staggering beneath the start of our second parenting career under the corona isolation. The start of our second parenting career has felt a bit like the immaculate conception of triplets at age 65. We still have very little Real Time support and the televised support has been more virtual than reality. Every bit as supportive as a Pixar cartoon. Just more time with the electronic babysitter. We never have been social superstars. The thought of sponsoring a Corona shadowed social event is far beyond my social skills.
Onward through the socially distant fog. . .
I'm in total agreement that these feelings are all totally normal... There are just a lot of them in a short period of time and I haven't really been able to allow myself to feel them because it's been "on to the next thing". Now that things are slowing down... graduation is over, the party is done, I take my parents to the airport this morning... now is when I start feeling the feelings and yesterday afternoon/evening was really the beginning of that process. Just need to (keep) reminding myself that I don't need to figure anything out or worry about "what it means" that I feel this way. For now, the feelings are the point.
When parents show signs of changing like your dad, it's part of growing. Acknowledging the feelings in private and choosing to put the 'in' moments up front will help you move through the memories with more joy even as you ponder the loss you and your mom are sharing.
That adventure with graduation is wild. It is a valuable moment to cherish and appreciate.
My mom had dementia and it’s hard hen the reality of that becomes really apparent. Sorry. It’s a tough one but with it can come a closeness to your parents you may not have expected once you have time to get your head and heart around it.
It's okay to fret about it for a while, but don't let it consume you. Do distractions, go out, call people, start a project. Hopefully it will help.
All the family has now gone home and I'm feeling just heavy and tired with emotions. I know it's all totally normal. I didn't have a lot of opportunities to feel the feelings while everything was going on and now that it's quiet all that stuff wants to be acknowledged. I'm trying to be okay with the feelings being there and not dwelling on them. I've got time to work through all this stuff, so I don't need to drown myself thinking about it.
Our end of academic year chaos is just starting here. The last day of school is tomorrow, half a day. My school age foster kids are officially in Kindergarten and Third grade. Neither one of them is too sure what "Summer Vacation" means. The elder spent his first "Summer Vacation" in foster care Hell and his second in Coronaville. The 5 year old is still learning how to say, "Summer Vacation" and equating it to last year's global shutdown. Neither of them trust these Summer Vacation theories. Neither of them want to give up their beloved school routine.
This morning I don't even know whose feelings am I feeling.
I've been doing pretty well. There's been fairly constant background buzz, or more like a weight in my chest, of emotion all week as I'm really finally able to start feeling the feelings. Saw my therapist yesterday and it was good to be able to just give voice to what's been going on and try and put some of what I've been feeling into words.
We're heading to the beach on Monday for a week. Well, all of us but my daughter who just graduated, who is going on a different trip with friends as her graduation gift. I'm a bit anxious about flying 'cause, ya know, the past 14 months, but I'm looking forward to some relaxing beach time.
All in all, things are good. I'm processing and coming to terms with things, but working on doing it a bit at a time.