I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster of emotion for the past 2 weeks. And most of it is because of work. We've had so many corporate walks lately, which means preparing the store for company. I've had so much work on top of what I already have to do that I've had to do multiple jobs at the same time. My anxiety has been driving most of my mixed and back and forth emotions (also hormones from being on my period hasn't helped). I just want off this ride! Even as my hormones were calming down, we were supposed to get another visit from corporate. So I pushed myself to get all my work done, even while wanting to scream and cry. I didn't sleep well the night before this last walk (yesterday), so I went into work early to finish what I hadn't completed and any work for that day. I get it all done, my sections look fantastic (a few flaws, but nothing I could do about it). And the walk is cancelled. Depression set in pretty quickly. For the rest of the day, I felt like I had wasted my time. I could have eased in the work without overextending myself. I felt so bored afterwards, which didn't help the depression. I somehow got through work, went home and just blanked out. The only good thing that the overworking did was blissful sleep last night. I didn't need anything to help me sleep. But today, I can't help but feel like a failure. I have today and tomorrow off work - an unexpected, but needed break. And I just can't relax. I feel on edge and I fear that my efforts (exercise, masturbation) aren't worth it. I can't get work off my mind.

And my best friend hasn't been replying to me - I know that I'm bothering her, even if she says differently and the anxiety is making me feel like she is annoyed, even though she has her own life and work so she can't just console me every time I need her. So today I'm trying to keep from messaging her, but I really just want to get some of my thoughts out to the only person who understands them.