What do you consider a 'normal amount of bridesmaids'? I had 2 bridesmaids and a maid-of-honor at my wedding and I had to scrounge for the 2nd bridesmaid because my husband wanted 3 men in his party. I got married when I was 30 but when I was your age I only had 1 very close friend and an acquaintance or two. Now I am 47 and I still have that 1 very close friend I had when I was 23 and I have added 2 more friends to the mix. I am very happy having these 3 close friends and wouldn't trade them for any larger number of friends.

I do understand the torture of being bullied and I know it's hard to get your self confidence back after a childhood like that. It takes time. As for your 'friend' who is getting in her only little stabs at you - I wonder if she is a real friend for you? You deserve to be treated with respect and caring not with little stabs at your ego.

The bottom line is that it is YOUR wedding and you can do whatever you want on your day. You can even dress that 'friend' in the most hideous bridesmaid dress you can find (hehehe). Don't continue to be bullied into doing what you don't want to do. Do it your way because your way IS the best way.

Take care

Yes, Ive been there. When you change your life in a big way, like being sober, You see the world with different eyes. I lost contact with a lot of friends when my husband and I first got together and got sober. We didn't have a falling out or anything, we just lost touch. Ive been married for almost 6 months now and I have one best friend, we don't live in the same state anymore but we talk almost everyday. When I started planning our wedding, I was so stressed and had so much anxiety because most of the people I was inviting besides family, were friends I have known for a long time since high school, but I didn't think they would show up because we just don't hang out anymore! At the end of the day, I just wanted to marry the love of my life, who cares about everything else. So, what we did was just tell our immediate family, and we picked a romantic spot, got an officiant, and a photographer, had a nice cake made, bought a beautiful dress, he got a handsome tux, bouquets, the whole deal, and just got married, just the 2 of us and our very immediate family. It was so romantic. And so much less stressful. And when we announced it to our friends (mail announcements), a few people called us to congratulate. When we announced on Facebook, everyone said congrats, and liked our pictures.... But at the end of the day, we were in love and finally married! Thats all that mattered.

Oh, and we were also together for 7 years when we got married.. lol just thought Id ad that in there :) Best wishes to you guys and congrats!

Thanks guys. Maybe it is the horror that is comparison...when I look at Facebook or pinterest most wedding photos have six bridesmaids (or more...I don't even talk regularly to six women my age). I just don't want people to say anything or have it subtract from my day if I only really have two friends with me as my bridesmaids. Also what you say about that friend may be true. We knew each other since we were six, but she has become progressively bitchier as we aged. She is dating one of the foulest men I have ever met (which is saying something because my bf was no prince charming during his unsober years). She throws her two sense everywhere and has excused being a bitch for honesty. Maybe I hold onto her because of my lack of friends as well which is a scary thought...idk my social life is a mess.

I have shed many 'friends' in my lifetime. One of my bridesmaids was one that I had to shed and she shed me too. We were childhood friends and always said we would be in each others weddings. we got married a year apart and as soon as the weddings were done, so was the friendship.

Other people I have shed it is because I have grown and they have not. I've done a lot to help improve my self confidence, learn how to take care of myself and also heal from childhood trauma. As I grew I left them behind. Sounds like you are doing the same with this girl who thinks her bitchy attitude is simple honesty (I have those in my life too but they are family... can't shed them as easily..Ugh!) When you decided to heal from alcohol you made the decision to grow. And even if you don't think you have been as successful with it as your boyfriend you have still grown.

Don't be afraid to shed people who want to drag you back down to where you were. Misery loves company and some people will always want to try to knock you down so they can build themselves up on your misery. You definitely don't need people like that in your life. It sounds like you fought too hard to get out of misery for someone to bring you back down to it.

Keep growing and keep shedding those who don't support your growth.

Take care

My daughter is getting married September 7th and she suffers from social anxiety (I suffer from GADS). She started off wanting a little wedding as she does not do well with crowds.....but the party has grown to 100 peeps (that includes the wedding party). My ex's girlfriend is causing all kinds of drama as is the maid of honor (they have been friends since kindergarten....20 years) and the one bridesmaid is a raging alcoholic.
My daughter says she will be glad when it is all over.....my heart goes out to her and I have tried to smooth over as much as I can....however, when you suffer from social anxiety.....it's not an easy task to manage.
the drama causing crazies and bullies need to be locked up when a sacred celebration is taking place IMO.....in a perfect world that would happen...lol.

I have been going for massage therapy lately as well as seeing a chiropractor a few times a week.....I eat healthy...have lost around 90 pounds since last October......I walk and do gardening......I draw......and have been doing positive self talk.....and ya know what???? My anxiety is gone!!!!!
I love life and embracing and am grateful for everything I have. I am creating a better life for myself!
I heard this wonderful saying the other day....

" My therapist set a glass of water in front of me. He asked if I was an optimist or a pessimist. So, I drank the glass of water and told him I was a problem solver!" ~ author unknown

May you look forward to your special day and don't let any one or anything steal your happiness......don't give it away!
You deserve to be happy just like anyone else. Don't worry about having many friends.....or worry about who will stand up at your wedding.......pick a stranger or strangers.....you might be pleasantly surprised.
I am very cautious who I let in my life these days. None of the girls that stood up at my wedding are in my life any more....that includes my cousin who was a last minute choice...however, it all worked out.

My best friend of 40 years married her current husband at a small chapel in Arizona. Her sister and his friend stood up for them. A month later, they had a pool party at a friends house.....very casual and very awesome! There was no drama and everyone had a great time :)
Perhaps something like that might work for you?
Whatever you decide.....remember....it will be awesome!

I totally agree with the others....all those wedding parties with all those bridesmaids---some of them are usually family, some of them aren't real great friends, some of them are the groom's friends...and a lot of them stop being friends after the wedding....I've gone to 2 weddings in the past 6 months and smaller is definitely better. have you ever seen the bridesmaids version of "say yes to the dress" watch a couple and you will feel much better!

and your BEST friend shouldn't be so snarky )that comment was more than just honest--it was hurtful and braggy)

Here's my experience: Got married, had less than twenty five people at wedding and reception. Only family is still in touch from the wedding event thirty plus years later. Only had matron of honor, friendship ended shortly after wedding.

When we look at pictures of the special event, we remember how we felt, how we were, and the happiness of those who were there. It was a small wedding because with my social phobia and GAD, anything more was overwhelming.

Everything you've written is muddled together into one pile. Separate exactly what you want for your special day all by itself.
This is important, because when you mix overwhelming thoughts into the picture, you often lose what it is that you want! Focus on the positive. Make the positive your first thought.

When I realized that some friends were claiming more friends, I decided that if I got along without all the friends daily, why did they need to be a part of the special day that they did not care about. I waited until two weeks prior to the wedding to mention it to a single friend, and stated the time, place, and left it at that. That friend came, and we still are in touch to this day.

One of the best ways to positively shake the bully sensation is to picture the beast with their bottom bare and their mouth full of soap. I smile when I see some of these so-called friends now.

Rather than take it personal when a friend mentions the size of the friendship, take it from their perspective and their way of helping. It does not mean you have to take it and use it.

For someone with active anxiety, one single friendship often lasts a lifetime and beyond, and it's enough to give courage, strength, and bravery to face the unknown.

Best wishes! You are not alone.

My first wedding, I had one bridesmaid and only about twenty guests. She was a good friend at the time, but I have since completely lost touch with her. When I got married the second time, to my true soulmate, we went to the courthouse and had no guests or wedding party. It was wonderful and very romantic. My heart thumps at the thought of it. :)

Here's the reality: weddings are just another cultural stepping stone laden with all kinds of expectations about what it "should" look like (like prom, or having a baby). But the huge white wedding is really a very modern contrivance and particularly so in America.

Bottom line. This is all about you and no one else. If you want to run away and get married in Vegas, or have two witnesses and a jp on the beach, that's up to YOU and no one else. There are plenty of people who have low-key weddings or elope for all kinds of reasons, not just because of bullying or social awkwardness. Maybe it's because they want to save money, don't want hassle, or they just think it's silly .... or all of the above, in my case.

I'm so sorry you were bullied. I was bullied mercilessly by a few people and it haunted me for a long time.

I got to the place where I realize these were kids who were abused at home and needed to point their anger outwards to someone who would not fight back (I was raised a pacifist). It had nothing to do with anything about me at all.

Still pisses me off but helped me realize there was nothing wrong with me. Now, I still believe in peace but have much better boundaries as an adult - as I'm sure you do.

Additionally, most people are too afraid to bully adults because we are far more likely to have the tools to fight back.

As for weddings, there is nothing that is typical. I had no bridesmaids. I think it's antiquated. No one "gave me away" either. I don't like that idea of being owned by someone.

Some people wear white, others wear black. Some wear red. Others wear jeans. Some people go to a justice of the peace. Our minister told me he married a couple on a mountaintop, in the snow and everyone was naked except him!

I've heard of weddings where the woman has a "man of honor" - a brother or best friend - instead of a bridesmaid. Maybe the guy has 10 "best men" and the bride just wants one person by her side - or no one. Some people do their wedding in Klingon and get tattoos instead of wedding rings!

There are LITERALLY no rules you have to play by. As for Facebook and other social media, there are a LOT of people writing studies about how it's depressing people because people post the most fun and exciting pictures and we feel like our life is lacking.

Also keep in mind that a lot of people buy into the commercialization of weddings and spend $30,000 on it and are drowning in debt - and threatening the health of their marriage - for YEARS. 6 bridesmaids flying in from several different places, dresses, shoes, gifts - just for that you're talking $3,000+!

Your wedding/your rules. What do you want it to look like? What would be fun and the least anxiety provoking for you?

All that is required are the people who want to get married, an officiant and two witnesses. The rest is up to you! : )

What would be FUN?

Thanks everyone this is really helping me. It is making me do a lot of soul searching. I am trying to please everyone else but myself and my future fianc', who has expressed his utter disgust with traditional weddings anyway. It made me feel a lot better about the whole thing and not as outcasted as I did when writing the post. I appreciate the advice, kind words and kinship.