Sorry about the ups and down. I have the same with depression. I found it was a daily cycle, and I never seem to get ahead. I was depressed by that thought, just like I think you are. My therapist said, looking back six months, she said I was a different person. She went on for about five minutes on how I was different from six months ago. I grew and changed, but the change each day was so small to be missed. I think when you look back, you will see the breadth of changes in you. Keep on. Keep pushing. You will make improvements, and you will be a better person.

This is a familiar cycle in my own anxiety management. So much so that I gave ^it^ a name of its own. "The Not-So-Merry-Go-Round." In my own case, it is so prevalent that I ply my anxiety management tools more enthusiastically on the low anxiety days than the high anxiety days. I figure it is easier to reach the greasy corners of my psyche when I am fit and ready to fiddle. I'm mostly a proverbial basket case on my high anxiety days and am doing well just to ply self-care and tend the most urgent of the business-at-hand.

Continued support while you find what works for you, Pickle Person. Wish I had quick and easy answers for both of us.

For what its worth
I figure the 1-step-forward-2-steps-back syndrome is about rescuing proverbial babies who have been tossed out with the bathwater. My anxiety is harsh enough to create psychic blinders which prevent me from seeing the precious pieces that have gotten buried and/or cast aside in the mind slides of anxiety. These days I'm experimenting with reframing the two steps back as a rescue mission. Those babies are worth saving.

Hi! I also feel like I go back thirty steps whenever I get like this - I'm trying not to visualise my mental health as a ladder that I've slunk down a few rungs of in the last few months. It's not productive, but it's a tempting easy image.

If anything the rollercoaster thing shows this isn't actually true! We have good days and less good days but then after a while another good day comes along. It's not a pattern (which is something I see in everything where there isn't one...)

I just tell myself each bad day is a pause in the hill-climb of recovery, not a slip down. Recovery has a pattern because you build it.

Hope you feel better tomorrow x

wow i really relate to this!!! some mornings i wake up and i feel great and am able to eat breakfast and go outside but then other mornings like today, i’m depressed and just can’t stop crying and find it hard to eat anything. i also feel horrible about the burden i put on my mom with this as she has to deal with my constant cycle of feeling great and then feeling like crap. i am 100% here for you as i know almost exactly how you feel.

It is so good to hear that someone feels the exact same way I do. Today is actually a good day for me and they keep getting better and better everyday! Thank you so much for reaching out.