OMG that sounds awful. You must be on tenterhooks. definitely anxiety-making. With this sort of thing I would say it's situational not chronic, so try non medicinal tactics first before you bring out the benzos.

My advice to you is, occupy yourself with something very distracting that will take up your attention and just wait for him to text you, You don't know if he's dumping you yet, he's been traveling, the train always takes a long time etc... so it may all be fine after all and you're just psyching yourself out.

Try to journal, write about your emotions, exercise frenetically (always gets my mind off my troubles) and do anything you can until you get that text, because you might just be psyching yourself out. you don't know yet. Sometimes guys are dicks and ignore their phones for a while.

I would say if you feel up to it, do go to dinner with your friend and use it as an opportunity to really talk to her about your fears and worries. She may be comforting and give you insight you didn't have before. Plus it will distract you for a while longer.

Wishing you the best with your man.

One thing I suggest. You have a life as an individual. So, rather than talk about him, or even your feelings about him, take time to look at activities that require you to focus in the moment, and share individual interest on your dinner out with your friend.

Life has bumps, adventures, challenges, and so go for it!

Over-thinking, distract that thought. Best wishes!

Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it. I feel that you are over thinking everything and putting ideas in your head that shouldn't be there. Did you know that he would be traveling like this when you first got together? If so, then accept it, don't let your anxiety overwhelm you when he is gone, and know that this is something he HAS to do. And while he is gone, he still loves you and misses you. I think you should go have that dinner with your friend and have a good time. I hate to see you making yourself sick with worry. Hugs GB

2300 miles is quite a long distance away. That's a little too far for me for comfort or for me to consider that a "relationship", sorry.

How I would deal with it is logically, pragmatically, not let feelings of "love" or emotion enter into it at all. Logistically, unless one of you moves to be with the other, it's just too difficult. I'd end it, rather than waiting for him to end it, just so you can still feel in control. Yeah, it'll hurt, because you've grown emotionally attached to him, but you can emotionally attach to someone else just as easily.

Then, I'd focus on meeting eligible people much, much closer to where you live. Then, I'd go on a date and see how that goes. If that goes well, you both seem to be on the same page and had a few laughs, then I'd let my heart out, begin investing some emotions.

I realize that's an agonizingly slow process, but that's how I'd do it. Baby-steps, one step at a time.

I struggled with the same thing. I overnalyzed every situation to think the worst. You can not do this. You need to challenge your thoughts. At least that is what I have learned through therapy. Unfortunately for me I lost him. Don't let your anxiety get the best of you!

Being compulsive about a relationship is an anxiety symptom that is SO freaking common. Especially with women. I hear about it all the time. I used to have the same issue with my two exes. I was exactly as you are describing yourself. I was consumed with them and the status of our relationship and always wanted to know where I stood and analyzed it. Part of it was weakness on my part. Part of it was insecurity. Part of it was that I was scared to be on my own. Part of it was that I was afraid of losing them.

But looking back, now I know that the BIGGEST factor was that it was a compulsion for me. It was my need to worry about something latching onto my relationships. It has been a pattern for most of my life about one thing or another. Because I am a worry addict.......a hardcore compulsive worrier and most people with anxiety issues are the same way. We thrive off that worry even though it makes us sick inside. We feel the need to pick apart a situation, analyze it, dissect it, ponder it, wonder about it, worry about it. And your relationship is giving you the perfect outlet for that compulsion. Its working out pretty nicely, isn't it?

Like so many anxiety related issues, you have to trust me when I tell you that you aren't as upset about this as you think you are. This is all just a big production...a big dramatic thing conjured up by your subconscious to keep you in your own personal soap opera. The best thing you can do is not participate. Do not feed into this. Get your mind on something else and wait to see what happens. Do not engage in analyzing what "might" be going on. Only deal in facts. Keep a level head, no matter how hard it is. Get your mind on something that keeps your mind concentrated on one particular thing so it can't wander back into drama town.

Do you have concerns? I'm sure you do. Are you wondering why he hasn't called or texted? Of course, who wouldn't? But the compulsive way you are handling it is caused by the addiction aspect of it.

Your subconscious is creating drama so that there will THEN be a "reward" for that pleaure seeking part of your brain when the drama is resolved.

When your boyfriend calls and tells you he loves you and everything is okay, that reward part of your brain is going to go ape-shit crazy with delight. That is what your subconscious is seeking. Its no different than any other kind of fix. Your subconscious is creating ALL of this. You have to ignore it.

You have to take the reward aspect out of your relationship and handle everything calmly and rationally without the highs and lows so that your brain can stop craving the "fix" so much.

Hopefully that made sense. Its really hard to explain. But trust me as somebody whose subconscious mind is SUPER devious when it comes to trying to get me to worry, I am telling you its the truth. Your subconscious will try every trick in the book to get you to worry and obsess about something so that it will get that fix when you get some little bone of reassurance thrown at you. 95% of anxiety is about getting that bone.

Good luck and its been a few days so hopefully things have calmed down a bit. :)

Fleur--your comment was interesting, and I see what you're saying. There are times that I know on some level that I'm being ridiculous, and that I'm ignoring all the positives and focusing on the negatives, real or imagined. Today I heard from him a lot, got a number of "I miss/love you" (unusual--he doesn't say it a lot)--he just texted me that he can;t wait until he can see me again. What am I focusing on? He's going out with some friends and I'm wondering....who...he didn't say...why didn't he tell me.....is he saying I love you because he feels guilty....pretty pathetic, huh?

I've started texting my son when something positive happens, and when I go off he reminds me of the good stuff. He's actually the best at calming me down and I'm so lucky to have him and his patience with me

there's nothing in the world like destroying your relationship with someone you truly love, for learning to carry your own stress.

Even if you are obsessing, you need to do it in silence and without involving any one else, because you poison your relationship with them.

If you want to learn how to crack this: go to bed one time. Tell the guys at work you've come down with the flu. Go to bed, and freak out all you like in silence. without your phone..

Leave your body to deescalate. Leave yourself to wind down. Like a clockwork toy. Every text, every phone call rewinds that clockwork toy. Not just to him - anything about him at all.

so stop. Ride it out in silence.

When you have learned how to ride this thing out it gets easier and easier. You will get better and better at it. And every time you go through the mental chuntering as it winds down to die you get more exposure to how irrational it is, how pointless it is, and ultimately how boring it is.

So much more fun to be free to use your brain for something more productive and interesting.

:) Good luck. this is hard yakka but it is worth it. Be silent. Not wrecking things is your first obligation. Not wrecking anything.