Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Background
Happily married for 33 years. Wife pretty, sociable, happy, decided to move after kids left near to the beach, had problems finding house let one go because of indecision, ended up in a rental, displaced, worried, wife lost about 50 pounds, had significant stress, and now suffers from horrible anxiety, is anti-social, not interested in speaking with friends or family, depressed, angry at herself. Questions,
1. Calls, Wife was always social, but now avoids calls. Sometimes I will give her the phone from a friend or family member and she seems happy and may talk for a 1/2 hour, but initially gets angry and sometimes a little violent, threw the phone or something else.
2. Therapy I come at the end of therapy and usually have a group of questions. Therapist is out of pocket. It seems like they talk a little but accomplish relatively little, this is her 3rd therapist, and the basic issues seem to be acknowledging a serious problem, preparing for the session with specific goals, and then using the session to accomplish it. Initially her view seemed to be soft-pedal or minimize the problem.
3. Self-image Wife is pretty. She gained about 35-40 lbs over the last 10 years, I am happy I did not make a big deal of it, she saw herself as pretty and was happy. Many women want to lose weight and now she has a striking figure, but a little big of change from the weight loss. Now she says she is ugly and embarassed to go out.
4. Candor, sarcasm She usually walks around and accomplishes little. What she should do seems straightforward, try to get out, work on stress reduction, listen to tapes, prepare for sessions, try to mirror what you did before you became ill. Is sarcasm appropriate, hey great, sure, just walk around and be miserable and not try to improve your life, great plan and you've been doing it for the last 4 months. One can be patient, and I try not to get angry, but it is hard.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
1. Perceived side-effects Wife is seeing a psych who is expected to prescribe some form of anti-anxiety depressant probably at a higher dose than before. Her sister is anti-drug, wife will probably perceive some form of side-effect, and we're back to where we are, taking drugs erratically complaining about side effects, sister and wife periodically attributing maladies to the drug and no improvement. (no one else in the family feels this way)
2. Involvement I appreciate comments here, but family members tell me I need to be more not less assertive, you need to be right by her and make sure she takes the medication, don't let her do it herself.
3. Advice Some here question giving advice. But when you're on a critical workday Zoom conference call and she decides to work over and listen because she's anxious and needy, how do you not say, please, please, please, talk to your friends, get involved in an activity, check anti-anxiety podcasts for your sake as well as mind. If so one sticks to herself one can appreciate a laissez faire approach, but when they solicit advice by words or deeds how do you not provide it.
Set boundaries out of the gate that when you're working you are working and can't be disturbed. If she can't abide by that because she's too emotionally unstable to do so, then maybe she needs more care than anyone can provide her.
If I have an appt. where i have to go to the Dr. or something now, my brother takes me. I will worry my self to death up to two weeks before the day. It doesn't help that I have arthritis in both knees and walk with a walker. Anxiety is a real nightmare. I wish you and your wife luck in your life journeys.
1. Picking a psychiatrist Therapist recommends that wife pick out psychiatrist so she has a role in the process and participates more. However, she does little, cancels one appointment, medication runs out, I scramble to find another., and we're now further behind.
2. Not taking medication I get criticism both sides, one, saying you act like her mother telling her when to take medication, and other family members saying, you need to make sure she takes it, set a time, and watch her. She missed 3 days in a row, said she took her dose one day and I found it in the car (after scrambling around to get it.
We then end up in the emergency room when she has hallucinations but not surprisingly doesn't want to go. e.
3. Call her anxiety by a different name Again, I loved my wife and considered myself blessed for many years, she was friendly, pretty, socially skilled, easy-going, and even when she gained some weight, it was fine. But anxiety Jane is tough to like, lies, manipulates, does stupid things. and loves screwing up my wife, me and my family, the more problems anxiety Jane causes the happier it is. Is it productive to criticize or regard your anxiety spouse as a different person- which in my case it is?
4. When to tolerate aberrant behavior Again, for 66 years of life and 31 years of marriage, my wife was friendly, socially skilled, nice, and easy going. Today her new anxiety personna frustrates almost everyone. For example, she cannot make a decision, so if a friend want to get together Sat night, she'll say we'll see, and frequently does not answer followup calls. I was in a 50/50 marriage, where each of us tried to be considerate and accomodating. But do you do the same with anxiety Jane's stupid or far-fetched ideas.
When she wants to drink, do you repeatedly tell her no in a public setting. If a friend asks to go out and you get the we'll see nonsense, do you say, don't give me that crap, you know you're not going to be making a decision and will horse me and your friend around for the next 3 days only to try to get out of it.
5. Handling crisis moments and irrational fears. Wife decided in a crisis situation she didn't want to go back to our house. I thought she's in crisis, asked my brother if we could pick something up and stayed there for a night.
A little deceptive, again anxiety Janes gets you involved in her plots. Then she doesn't want to leave creating a massive family fight. Right now, I think I'm done catering to anxiety, it seems to let it fester, and candidly, anxiety Jane has done nothing for me except to cause problems.
I honestly would not cater to her anxiety. I’m sure everyone has an opinion on that but I would focus on you and your well being. Do you see a therapist for yourself? It may help you. The dynamic you describe reminds me of the codependency that occurs when married to an alcoholic.
Hope this helps her. And you.
1. Her friends are getting together a few days after coming home. Should I encourage her to go. Not seeing or communicating with friends made things worse,
2. Any suggestions about treating her when she gets home.
3. She's heavily medicated and we will follow what the doctors say. However, what do we do if they say take Ativan as needed, when she typically takes far less than suggested (but not mandated)
My wife was recently admitted to the hospital with severe anxiety and depression, stayed there for over a week. Her first psychiatric practicioner said she was not surprised. Seems to improve in the hospital, wanted to get home and then some delusions return. She was given Zyprexa and Lexipro.
Does not seem to help much. Somewhat desperately I give her an Ativan which she had, and boom, everything is back to normal, she's calling friends, saying how her perceptions were misplaced, we're talking about things like before and then boom a couple of hours later, she's back to overstressed, anxious, and dysfunctional. She says she's frustrated herself and remember all this started after a seemingly normal, happy woman just wanted to buy a new house and found some challenges, significant ones.
Its amazing how she shifts back and forth from normal and functional to severely unbalanced and dysfunctional, sometimes even within a minute. On her first visit to the hospital, she was extraordinarily anxious but then when the psych came in, put on her balanced, competent face, he found not too much wrong, and then she wanted to return to talk to him further which was impossible upon release. She is embarassed somewhat to let her children know of her problems, when she is normal acting, but while stressed called one son three times with some crazy story.
People with strokes can't walk even if they want, but she can seemingly act normal, how do I, or a therapist get her to do it, when she seems to want that too. She's not someone with say Munchausen, she rarely missed work, had extraordinarily self-control and outstanding reviews, and would come to work 1/2 hour early simply to be organized and competent.
I know this is all hard for you.
A dose of Ativan only lasts about 4 hours (according to my psychiatrist). This could explain why her demeanor changes a few hours after taking the Ativan.
I hope that the inpatient hospital gave her some follow up treatment upon her release?
I understand how it is difficult not to compare how she used to be, to the reality of how she is now. That can be difficult to accept, and heartbreaking to watch it happen.
Hang in there, have her do her follow ups, and I hope things get better soon for both of you.