I think you trying to talk to her probably won't get you anywhere, and could cause you more hurt.

Do you have other friends that you like, hang out with, talk to, etc? Concentrate on those friendships.

You being 16 years old, believe me, you will have many more friendships in your life.

You can not change another person into something you want them to be.

Think about do you really want to be friends with that girl? She said some pretty mean things to, and about, you. Do you want that in your life... really want that??

Some people come into our lives for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime.

The lesson you learned with this individual help you to be more diligent with circumstances that change significantly how you are treated for being you.

I have a relationship with someone who is very toxic, however, we share mutual friends. Once I became aware of negative making the situation worse, I started being positive and stepping away from any conflict for my well-being. We are friendly at a distance, and in public are polite to one another. We are NOT friends.

Those 'mean' things that were said, they are her problem, not yours. You are not responsible for what this person says, does, reacts, or responds.

You are responsible for what you say, do, react, and respond. So choose the option that provides your well-being the best balance.

The feeling of friendship and wanting to keep the friendship often leads us to attempt to repair the situation. That's because when our anxiety 'helps', we want to feel better and usually talking it out brings a positive direction.

You can have the friendship, and the hurt will linger and affect how you respond to words spoken in moments of conflict. You can step back, and find a way to accept that this friendship might last through the years from a better distance.

For me, I had to change how I approached the regular times I would be in situation with this toxic person, because of the mutual friendships we share.

I learned to walk away quietly and not respond with any action when the situation turned negative, because following the 'not my problem' allowed me to separate my feelings from the words spoken.

You will find people who become friends with you, just as you are, accepting your anxiety as a helper.

One thing I do suggest is to write it all out to find what it is that draws you to choose to make amends. It often gives you clues as to how you can let go and be calm around this person in the future.

You are not alone in this!

Most excellent job in writing out the dilemma, Bracelet. May your words provide a fixed point from which to begin sorting the chaff from the grain.

In my personal herstory, the drive to forget those misbegotten friendships is what kept me from moving on. Forgetting can be hard, distracting work. Here in my old age, I'm glad I failed in the mission to forget them. Each and every one of those *friends* had important lessons to teach me about myself and my mental health, why I was attracted to them in the first place, how to do better the next time, etc. I have even come to appreciate the gentle courage of one or three of them. Maybe. Depends on which day you ask.

But that is me. . .

Continued support while you sort your own.

Remove yourself from any encounters with her. When you start thinking about her, say to yourself out loud STOP. If you have to, say it over and over. This works if you concentrate on stopping when you say it. I stopped thinking about a bully when found this solution.
Then really, really stop and don't think about her. Distract yourself so you don't get into that pattern again. Do something that will make you happy instead. Try it!!

I think that it is important for you to think of yourself in these situations. You have to think about which type of people you want to be around. I feel that by staying around some one like that, you are putting yourself down. I feel like she is judging you and putting labels on you that are not true.

I have lost friends due to similar situations and it may be hard living without them at first, but once you build bonds with new people, you learn who you want to be around and who you do not. My suggestion to you would be to take up a hobby or do something you love, so that it takes your mind off of your friend. Your happiness is what should matter most!

Take care of yourself

You have some really good advice here but, I'll throw in my 2 cents as I have ended some friendships with those who I once considered very good friends.

I've found looking at the relationship in a very honest way helped when I was deciding if it was worth talking through the issues that we were having or if it was best to just walk away because having a conversation about the problems was just more wheel spinning. That honestly could take a while of digging and sorting- looking at who I am as a person and who my friend was as a person as well as how those factors played out within our friendship. Generally speaking it would boil down to how well do we communicate when we don't necessarily agree with each other? How much do we listen when each other's feelings are hurt? How good at suspending our own egos for the sake of the friendship are we? I can say in all honesty I only had one friend where we calmly talked about the issue but our friendship ended anyway because we simply could not agree nor tiptoe around the issues we were having and still manage to move forward. That was a tough friendship to end.

Then? I guess I consider the impact of the friendship ending. Try to draw up a plan for it. One of the commenters here touched on that- like if you have mutual friends, there's going to be moments where you'll be around each other and how to do handle that? I see some of my former friends here and there due to mutual friends and generally speaking my method is to be nice, guarded, but nice. I tend to adopt the "would I discuss this with a co-worker in the break room?" way of handling them. I'll tell you what's going on in my life but you're not getting anything juicy, emotional, nope- mostly just statistics and very surface stuff. So, yeah- consider those moments where you'll have to see/ interact with this friend.

And then? If the friendship is truly over? I go as no-contact as I possibly can. I try not to talk about the former friend to anyone who knows them. This is something I learned the hard way- it just puts that friend in an awkward "choosing sides" place that is unfair. It also opens up the friend to talking to you about the former friend and the former friend talking to your friend about you and suddenly you're in this weird space of former friendship telephone where you're still hearing about them and what they are doing and how they are feeling and so on even though you are not talking to them directly. I just talk to people who are not friends with the former friend when I need to process my own feelings. If a mutual friend brings up the former friend? I'll permit a useless tidbit or something that I actually do need to know for whatever reason ie "It's so and so's get together next weekend and former friend is going to be there" "Okay, thanks for telling me" But nope to anything else "You know, we're not friends anymore- I don't feel right talking about her/him." and I say it enough? It eventually clicks for mutual friends.

Then the harder parts- finding ways to move on, keeping busy, talking to other friends, doing a bit of the "support system shuffle" which tends to happen after a relationship ends.

You will miss her. Even years later with some of my friendships? I'll miss the friend. But then? I'll let myself miss them because it's natural- they were a big part of my life for some period of time. But I'll let myself miss them up to the point of wanting to reach out where I stop myself and ask what it would look like- what it would accomplish. And that tends to stop me. I'll give you a few of the answers from the click I am no longer a part of "If I reached out to her? I think she would respond but it would be a very awkward response and we'd rapidly realize that she's still got the hard outer layer to who she is that just does not work well with who I am." "She'd bring this break in our friendship up for years to come and never be able to let it go- asking me if I am still mad until I just can't take it anymore and break the friendship off again." "She- unfortunately- has peter pan syndrome. She didn't want to grow up then and I've done a lot more growing up since that I doubt she'd respect." "We'd try- we'd try so hard but, we'd never really plunge the depths of how hurt and angry we were at each other in the end because we'd prefer to just put it in the past and not hurt each other's feelings anymore because that's just who we both always were with each other. But, our issues are not ones that would just go away with the passage of time and we'd bump up against one eventually- and we'd try to side step it and pretend it's not happening until our friendship ended all over again because now it had the gap years of not talking to each other and less emotional investment in fighting for it." It's painful to do but, it tends to stop me from reaching out when I sit down and realize I'm just missing them at that moment for whatever reason but I'm not going to accomplish getting what I need from them.

Then? Once again I move on. It's not easy- particularly at the beginning. But it sounds like this friend has said some particularly nasty things to you. It is your choice in how you proceed of course but considering you stopped talking to her back in July? Sounds to me like you've already made your choice.

Sorry if this comes out reading like a formula.

Best to you!