Hugs for you. Hang in there. I understand the part about putting on a facade and having no true friends and having to vent anonymously. I have been going through this for a large part of my life :)

I would like to share a little method which makes me feel a little better if I have too much going on in my life. I write down all my anxieties and what is the best outcome, what is the worst outcome, what can I do about it etc. Even though I may not find the solutions to all my anxieties, I find that simply organising my anxieties & analysing them help me to feel a little more in control and less anxious. I hope it works for you to try to get some control of your situation so that you will feel a little less overwhelmed and anxious.

Even when I do have friends and family I can speak freely with, I find they are not the best place to work out my psych issues. They help me best *as* friends and family while my active therapy work goes on within my therapy support network with people who have the inside perspectives of living with the anomalies themselves. This very forum is one of the spots on my therapy network where I feel safe doing exactly that.

Keep sorting Kennedi. Your answers are in there.

Listening. . .

Wow! Thanks Arfie. I’m going to do
Just that today. Write it all out and do the worst and best outcomes. I’ve been doing all this organizing around the house in terms of organizing my closets and my office. Let me now organize all of this anxiety. That is simply genius! You have blessed me today! Thank you!

Oops I mean Beautiful Realm - thanks for that advice! And Arfie you are so right - I can’t really talk to family and friends because they don’t get it or me. Plus I have family and friends who really smile in my face and talk about me so bad behind my back that I know they are just waiting fir the opportunity to see me down and out. Which is why I give them the poker face every time! Lol

Sometimes friends and family want to "fix" the problem when all you really need is someone to listen. I am sorry you are going through this. I have struggled with depression and anxiety and I have a really great counselor that I talk to when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I don't really have friends or family to talk to, but my counselor has been objective and given me great feedback about my thoughts. She always helps me remember to put myself at the top of my priority list because I tend to put everyone's needs before mine. Not sure if this will help, but remember to take care of yourself!!

Thanks Grace - yeah I’m learning to put myself first. I find that I’m creating panic induced issues for myself when I try to fix everyone else problems. I’m learning to enjoy peace.

Hi kennedi,

I'm glad to see that the field is already fresh and fertile with good advice :-)

Just to add: A large part of healing comes from opening up, which is exactly what you do. It is true that people can be fiercely curious, especially family, and for the wrong reasons they go back on you, sharing details in an unacceptable behavior of gossiping and backbiting attitudes. I've dealt with a monster of family gossip and it is hurtful. My guess is that family really want to show signs of sensitivity, yet wounds from the past open up opportunities to settle old scores in times of personal need, which ultimately leads to more reasons to calm down; not helpful at all. And I've learned to turn the other cheek with strong, odd family behaviors. I can't give them the "poker face" because I don't desire to see any family face-to-face. Not to sound too critical and unkind, but they seem to speak three languages (dumb; dumber and dumbest). And they have no talent with a forgiving spirit. So, in such tender times, it's best to steer clear of those who purposely hurt you with personal pleasure. So sorry for your own hurt, and you have my hugs today! Bless you...

Thanks Remiah such kind words and it really gives me a pause to reflect. It is hurtful when you have realistic expectations of your family that they can’t meet. And I still ponder why me. Why do I get a lot of hate. But I have to just realize it can’t be all me. It’s their hurts and hangups that they project onto me. Thanks for your feedback.