Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
So I work with mentally disabled individuals. Today one of my residents died. We just had one pass away a couple months ago too. Anyway yesterday I was helping throw a party for them and Greg wasn't looking like he was feeling good after the party we got told to take him to the ER. This man had never been affectionate to me almost ever. He wasn't someone who would hug people or hold their hand. Shoot I can't even count how many times he's swatted me away or hit me while trying to help him. He was still one of my favorite residents. When we got to the ER he kept grabbing me and grabbing me. We had to hold him down while the nurses worked on him. I thought he was trying to fight us but he grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. He then held my hand so tight that he scratched a big abrasion in my finger and wouldn't let go. They put him on Bipap and I watched him vomit blood and aspirate it. It was not even close to the grossest or terrible thing I've seen but man... it was so rough seeing him like that. They had to intubate him and asked us to leave the room. He got moved to ICU and it took two hours to stabilize him up there before we could see him. When I saw him hooked up to all those drips I knew he wasn't going to make it. I gave him a few hugs and said my goodbyes. Then when I got the text today that he passed I was surprised but grateful he wasn't hurting anymore now I got home from work and have been trying to fall asleep but I can't because I know my body wants to feel all the feelings but I don't want to. I'm starting to want to not feel anymore again. Life is so hurtful and hard and full of bad feelings. I want to just take drugs and not feel anything. I probably won't because I know why I feel this way and I know it won't help but I really want to and I don't even know anymore.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
There's grieving for the loss of the resident, knowing they are out of pain, and the loss of the daily connection between yourself and the resident.
Take a deep breath. Stop. Pause. Repeat until calm and clear headed.
You did the best you could in the end-of-life experience you shared with the resident. You let them feel your warmth, your caring, your touch in a moment where there is confusion, chaos, and you gave them courage.
Take time to grieve and know that you did your best.
fast forward 20 odd years and i am rethinking that long-term relationship delusion. the grief i feel for them this morning is vastly different than the grief i feel for the adult son i lost 2 1/2 years ago, but every bit as real. in my own restless life, 20 odd years is a very long term relationship.
sigh. . . dunno. . .
grief is a mysterious process. it goes where it goes. my own goal is to lean ever so gently into the process with a mindful watch to not get carried away.
gentle support while you find your own way through, sayrah.