Anxiety and panic are cousins to each other, when panicking with fears the brain goes in to fight and flight mode and its response is frantic ... which may cause anger,However there is also personal emotional triggers which then may cause depression and also the condition of trichotilomania. He maybe able to reduce the anxiety and fears and panic if he were to work through all the emotional fears and triggers anxiety and panic brings therefore reducing the need of the condition.

Therapy may do some good or a journal or something called EFT Tapping, the anger he expresses may be due to frustration so he lashes out.And may feel like he has not been heard. But if you cant tolerate it just ignore it whilst he is in that state or just tell him in a way of not increasing anger that you dont like it.

Message me please. Ask anything you want, Ive had severe anxiety/depression and PTSD for about 17-18 years

Reading your posts over on the Breakups and Divorce board...I think he's completely out of control.

I don't know how old your daughter is, but your first priority is to her and keeping her safe physically and emotionally.

Is there a like option for patti22's comment like on facebook? Totally 100% agree both your safety come first

Chilanx actually i have heard that description from my counselor in regards to the fight and flight mode. So that makes sense. My counselor has also stated that there is hope for him to be able to cope with his traumas and get this under control but its a matter of him willing to take that step. And unfortunately as of yet he has not. What is the EFT tapping? I dont know....i have held on for dear life because i love him and i know he is harboring a lot of hurt and traumas from the hand he was dealt in life but i am to the point where i can not be the object of his lashing out anymore.

Patti yes your right. He is out of control and i did finally separate myself and my daughter from him. But i will still have faith that one day he will open his heart(because in spite of the awful things he has said he has a HUGE heart) and reach out to people and professionals that can help him sort through his hurts and hangups. I know it will not happen overnight but i do believe in a higher power and miracles. In the meantime i am going to refocus my energy into ME and my daughter.

EFT Tapping is Emotional Freedom Techniques its like focus on point on body it so that it can help recalibrate emotional behaviour. You can youtube it maybe something he can use and people do this professionaly too.Its not Hard you dont need anything just be open to it, it depends on himself.

It seems that you have been drained too, you need to take sometime for yourself too because at the moment It seems like you are only focusing on his needs. The anger he is lashing out its personal to him but in order for him to heal he has to find away to control these triggers and it does take time due to the emotions he has attached to them maybe very strong.

The best thing you can do is helping him be more positive take him out somewhere and that way you can enjoy otherthings too. He maybe set in his ways but you have to find away to rock the boat in order to change direction so to speak,otherwise you will only be sailing to nowhere.

The lashing out part just keep alog of when he lashes out and when like a log maybe that way you may find a pattern.And there maybe meaning in that but the most important thing is dont take it personaly and just think to your self he is just panicking and take breaks when you need to if it is getting too much.

Excersise , going for walks will help him not think of his traumas if he is just sitting and wollowing in self centred pity which anxiety can cause.

Oh if he gets his stuff together, than by all means.

But how to put it...life isn't fair.

If he had gotten diagnosed with seizures, then no matter how much he was a good person and liked to drive...he wouldn't be safe driving. He might go on medication, but he'd have to be seizure free for a year before he'd be allowed on the road again.

Yes?

Same with anxiety/whatever.

If it were me, he'd have to have his act together for at least a year before I'd consider living with him again.

Meanwhile...you're married.

I have friends that due to their respective teenagers from prior marriages lived apart for 2 years. Kids are now all off on their own, they're back to living together and EVERYONE gets along.

Sometimes sacrifices now, pay off in the long term.

Hello LoveHurts, Welcome to the forum.

Yes, anxiety can explain all that, and far more but it does not excuse allowing those symptoms to random target other people. You and your daughter have a civil right to personal safety and peace of mind. Even with the best of support, managing the symptoms is an inside job, even with pharmacy meds. I am in charge of managing my own symptoms. Other people can help but nobody can do it for me.

I am grateful to hear you have found safety for you and your daughter. Healing hopes and steadying support for your recovery.

Prayers in progress for your husband. May he reach out to learn and master more effective and compassionate coping techniques soon.

Patti22 thank you. That is definately some good advice and i will keep that in mind. Thank you so much.

chilanx...i AM totally drained!!! Your absolutely right...for the last 2 years i have focused on him and put his wants and needs above my own and im tired. I have been VERY good to him and it is time that i focus on me and my daughter before i lose my sanity over this. Thank you for the tools and words of comfort. I do appreciate it.

Yeah he should use your daughter as a motivational tool or make him see that he has value all around him. Rather than just looking inwards

arfie...thank you first of all for the prayers. Lord knows how bad my husband needs them. And i know your right about him having to take responsibility. And i pray that he does so that he can fix himself and can be happy because right now he lives a miserable existence. And i cant live that way anymore. He does take medication but it does not help much because he drinks also to self medicate. The bottom line is that he has refused any type of treatment, counseling, church and i cant take it anymore. So until he shows some real initiative to want to change i will not allow him back into mine and my daughters home. It hurts me to show that tough love approach because he is basically forced to live like a bum now but i have done my part as his wife and upheld all of my vows and promises that i have made to him and as far as i am concerned it is his turn.

Chilanx i have tried that also...but im just at a total loss as what else i can do. So i feel like my only other option is to surrender and give it ALL to God because i cant carry this cross anymore. It will be the death of me.

Three things to remember: You write it out, you keep you safe, and you keep working with the changes in a positive way.

As a person who has had all the above mentioned, I can vouch for the fact that therapy works when the person is willing to do the work daily. Those office visits are only an hour or so, the real work is done day after day.

When you took the step back, you did it to stop the behavior being rewarded by attention. This is important in these types of situations where anger is a "..." . I removed anger from my choices, and that left me with a lot of other emotions, feelings, and I had to make a decision to keep putting one foot in front of the other until I could find my way through the chaos running in my head.

I will say this. Each of those things mentioned is a clue to the origin of the symptoms he displays. It's not a simple fix. Established behavior patterns take time to break, and sometimes, they are replaced with different unpleasant patterns. Keeping a journal is really helpful in finding the solution.

Best wishes.