Some people get defeated by what happens to them in life. My husband is almost blind and we have noticed that many people become passive and want to be helped with everything. While he is so independent that sometimes it makes things harder for us. I encourage his independence though because if I die first, I don't want some gold digger going after him to get him to marry her but only wanting his money.

My MIL had the same eye disease as my husband and she went totally passive and helpless but this was her personality all through life. She stopped walking but that is so common with visually impaired folks. Easier for other people if they don't walk but this is not good for them. Plus dementia creates body stuff.

Yet, my MIL at one time was very active in AA and did big things in my city to help women coming out of alcoholism. In the end, she was even totally physically dependent with a bad form of brain damage dementia from her years of alcoholism. Could not walk, could not talk about current events, or feed herself. She talked to people on the ceiling and I was the only one who thought she was talking to the souls and angels waiting to take her soul with them to heaven after she died.

Sometimes it is dementia that people can't do anything for themselves. This is also an end of life thing. Our bodies shut down, our brains shut down. Our bodies are moving us to another state of being as just a soul.

Lastly, you are a good person to help these folks, GreenEyes. Seriously, you give to others and this is a beautiful trait. Yes, their demands tires us out at times. Yes, you are human and have your emotions. Just remember your beautiful, giving, caring soul. Set the limitations you need to.

Dementia tries our patience. We don't reason with these poor suffering folks, nor do we say don't you remember. Those things just agitate them more. We redirect or say it will happen later, and don't expect reasoning and logic. My MIL was a nut at the end and it was so sad.

When I was in a car accident in late October I was temporarily dependent on my adult children. They were moderately willing to help me but there was enough reluctance that conveyed to me that I must be better prepared to cope with unexpected hardship in the future because it is more common than not to feel resentment when taking on uncompensated responsibility in helping older relatives etc. and this is mostly unconscious. Consciously we want to do this but it can easily make us feel resentful, especially if others who have equal responsibility in the matter don't share in the load. This is what happened with my kids--my daughters tended to take on the bulk of the helping out whereas my sons had to be nudged into helping. This created resentment on the part of my daughters, understandably.

Good morning and thanks Ladies! hasty, you must have to exercise a lot of patience. I definitely agree with you that your MIL was seeing souls! Something similar happened to my Dad an hour or two before he passed away. He was with a one-on-one in the dialysis part of the hospital. I asked if he had lunch. The aide asked him if he had lunch. He up his arms up and said that Mom had brought him lunch. My Mom was already in Heaven. Thanks for all of your kind words. I recently realized that i am very quick to anger. i tried to make a therapist appointment but when I talked to the therapist, I did not like her right off the bat. So I did not pursue therapy. Art, I'm sorry that you went through that. In 1999, i had back surgery and recuperated at my parents' home. I was there for less than 4 days. My parents waited on me and helped me up from the couch. My Mom had beat breast cancer. When she took me home, she admitted that it was hard on her to take care of me.

Big hug Green...It can be hard at times for sure

You were there to see your Aunt

Maybe this lady was just wanting some attention and you gave her some

Forgive yourself for being human

Big hug...xo

Love this story Green. Self compassion is key. You truly are a saint. Don’t think I could care for an aunt. I struggled caring for mom, grandparents and hubby. An aunt is beyond my capacity for sure. Please practice self care above all!

Good morning! Thanks Sun and Mel! My brother is coming with me to see our Aunt this afternoon. He helps to entertain her and sometimes, he helps her roommate. My Aunt has 3 kids. One lives on the other side of the country, one lives 1.5 hours away and the other is local. They are all grateful for all that my brother and I do. I think 2 of them could do more. Everyone has their issues. Today I'm going to give my Aunt a spa day, so I will be painting her nails and shaving her chin hairs! That reminds me, I have to put some cotton balls in her bag.

I feel the same about my elderly mom, and after 10 years of caretaking her and another overlapping 7 of my hubby? I'm numb to the "haul things to them" stuff. But I will say this, I admire you still doing it. :-) And it reminds me I need to make sure my mom has her stuff at post-DVT rehab before hubby gets ready for we hope his final chemo session.

Us, stressed?

Hi Leo! Sorry, just seeing this this morning. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I love my Aunt. I don't feel that it's fair that i have to take care of her but when I get to Heaven, and see my life, I will be proud of myself. You should be proud too. Good luck and prayers for your husband.