Although you have a generic predisposition, as most people who have mental illnesses do have, from an outsider's perspective it would seem like you honestly are dealing with a lot of really depressing and anxiety-making stuff. Quite a bit of this seems situational.

Don't blame yourself. Being a solo breadwinner and caregiver is very stressful. As you said your job exposes you to a lot of sadness. No wonder you are depressed. Don't blame yourself for it if you can.

Just take your meds and try to get into therapy. If you have time in between the job and caregiving, look around for an insurance covered or low-cost therapist and try to schedule a session. A good therapist may be able to help you out.

You are doing the right thing with the exercise. Exercise really helps with depression. If you don't have time for a full workout, even a quick yoga flow works wonders.

I would also recommend fish oil. Omega-3 fatty fish oil capsules provide a natural antidepressant and help with a myriad of other mental health issues.

Good luck.

Thank you Andrea :)

Here's what I do for these kinds of stress levels on a daily basis. Take the thirty second pause in front of the mirror to appreciate you as you are right now.

All too often, we rush through our self care, and it ends up adding to the anxiety through out the day. Take the time at the end of the day to do another thirty second pause.

Best wishes. Your anxiety is natural, and definitely, having the types of stress levels with these situations is normal.

when my family was going through a really bad time I went out babysitting, and every night I'd be out with some new family, reading bedtime stories to other people's kids while my kids were probably getting yelled at by their father to shut up.

the guilt of it ate away at me.

But also, the family situations I would bang into ate away at me. parents where child one was bullying child two but the parents thought child two was annoying and child one was fantastic... difficulties I had telling parents and not being asked back, knowing that at least I'd told them...

I used to agonise for days emotionally over what I saw and experienced.

My philosophy looking back now is that it helped me grow, that these experiences would upset me for maybe 3 days and then I would grow to encompass them. I grew a lot. I suffered a lot. I never let myself grow hard - and so I welcomed the pain and the result was not to become hard - but to become a little bit leathery I guess. I could cope. I could understand that these people were living how they chose, to a degree. And what they didn't know about, they couldn't miss.

But my growth benefited my children because I saw more and understood more, and could be more compassionate and understanding in my own home.

If your son is happy at home with dad every day, then that is quality of life for him. You don't have to be 'doing' to be having a good time. If you are at peace inside yourself, then being home and doing nothing is okay. So just see how he's feeling inside himself and don't worry too much about what else he is missing out on. I think the outings you are probably able to manage are absolutely enough for your boy. :) Also maybe dad can take an interest in some therapy time with the boy?

I am very sorry for your husband's condition. That is woeful. You have a lot to deal with.

My recommendation, (and I've been on drugs for a couple of years now, only just tailing off them after something like 2 - 3 yrs) is to not go back on them. I would say that crying would be good. Also, finding something for you. I bet you spend so much time on others there's nothing left for you. What are your hobbies? Painting? Pottery? Woodwork? Metalwork?

In life we have to put our own oxygen mask on first, as the saying goes. You need to feed your own soul, and then you will have more to offer others.