Let her speak, and worry about something more important. Her opinion of you is none of your business, she can think whatever she wants. It's her problem. By letting her comments get under your skin, she is succeeding at making you angry, which is what she wants to do.

Ignore her, avoid her. When you think of saying something clever to make her feel bad, don't say it. Repeat to yourself 3 times: "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter." Haters gonna hate. Go on with your life and don say ANYTHING negative to her. Show her you are still happy and positive regardless of her ill intent.

Yes, let her say her piece, and tell her thank you and walk away.

Smile, and let her words go. It's her problem, not yours.

By not responding negatively, you stop your reaction from adding to the reaction. By changing your reaction to help your well-being, you change the response, because the usual response will no longer work.

Best wishes.

Is this person your superior, or just a co-worker?

Thank you for the responses! She is a superior. I agree that what she says isn't "any of my business." I try very hard not to allow other people to tell me who I am. Unfortunately, in this case, she has the ability to make or break my business reputation, which makes it very difficult for me to simply get up and walk away. I have thought a lot about going to one of her superiors, or even speaking with HR, however, I feel that, for various reasons, it would be a career ending move for me which is often why I feel stuck having to listen to her.

Does anyone have coping tactics when someone is on the attack that help to soothe your anxiety? A friend of mine told me that focusing on something else while she is attacking will help me to calm my body. I've tried but haven't been successful because I'm afraid she will notice I'm not listening.

Thank you guys for your input.. it really means a lot to me! :-)

I try to diffuse someone like that with humor. Try saying "Must we do this EVERY DAY???".

Is she like this with everybody or just with you? Sorry for all the questions I just like to know the full scoop before throwing in my two cents...lol

I had a boss like that and it really helped me to see it as sort of a chess game. I just tried different approaches until I felt comfortable and had some success.

What helped me was to keep as much as possible to email where I'd send her and another employee the notes so there were more people "in the loop" about what was going on.

There is a good book that I really like. It came into my life at the same time I worked with this difficult lady and it helped a lot. It's called, "What You Think of Me is None of My Business" by Terri Cole Whittaker.

Hope things get better.

I agree with Reed31-you may need to try different approaches. You can try -Thank you so much for your feedback. I will consider what you said carefully to make improvements. Or you can grab the bull by the horns and say: It seems to me that what I do makes you angry. What specifically can I do to improve our relationship?
I went to a Zig Zigler conference and came back and faced off a customer with proper open body language and said : I feel you are unhappy with my services. I would be happy to help you find someone more to your liking. She was stunned-stated she really liked me and we then discussed ways we could improve our communication. I could hardly breath at first-but it was worth it!

You should be able to talk to HR in confidence, and discuss methods of handling this woman. You won't be the first person she has had trouble with.

I know where i work the first desired move is a quiet and informal discussion with your line manager and if she's your line manager, then I guess her line manager.

make sure it's confidential, make sure it's informal. ask for advice in handling her. Ask perhaps to do a people skills/management course. Ask for ideas on strategies.

Look around for other jobs, and remember that ultimately you can walk. Save the money up so that you have the sense of ability to say 'fxxk you' and just walk.

And do your job really well. :p

the other thing to do would be take a couple of weeks' leave because it will give you some space and perspective in terms of working out just where this job fits into your life plan and how strategically you want to play this. When you get too close to it, you end up being played off, your emotions get too high. Give yourself a breather to regroup.

:)

I have a co-worker similar to this, however I have realized that she just isn't a nice person and likes to be miserable and I let her. It is very difficult being in her presence but I keep telling myself that no one else is going to interfere with my paycheck! When she is around I always focus on something else nearby, take calming breaths and I think in my head a positive affirmation...something like I am strong, I am great at my job, I am a calm and happy person. Anything that will make you think of something good so that your body will react in a positive way and not tense all up and stress you out more.
I also think you should go to HR and speak to someone about this, you have a right to and if your HR department is anything like the one where I work, or have worked in the past, there is a no retaliation policy. I know that doesn't really help the situation between her but I have found that HR can often do something about it and offer ways to help you cope better.
It seems others have given some great advice, I hope you can find something that makes it better for you, stay positive and focus on making yourself happy and not letting anyone get in your way. You are in control, just remember that.
Best wishes.

With bosses who are offensive, negative, find a positive appearance and saying that will work for your well-being. I had to practice in front of the mirror to find a way that worked for me.

When you are working face-to-face, and getting blasted, you can look (practice in front of mirror)like you are listening, and when the blasting finishes, you are still calm, focused, and able to move on.

Important factor, before going to HR, make sure you lay it out in facts. Work through your feelings until you have it down to the facts. Once you do this, it will be easier to follow through, no matter what happens. Retaliation is not your problem. If retaliation happens, back to the facts.

Best wishes!

Its hard to ignore this person when they do this to you when its your sister. Sometimes I go blank, then later i want to yell back, she so mean an rude. And shes my younger a sister, not older

Thank you so much for the advice to all of you! I finally walked. :-)

I like the idea of coming up with a stock answer to deal with confrontations. One of my favorite tools is to say, "Are you aware that ... you're screaming at me, you're being disrespectful, etc." Sometimes just that stops them in their tracks. If it doesn't, you can tell them you're not okay with them yelling, being disrespectful, whatever and you're walking away.

You can also tell her you want to be really clear on what she needs and tell her you want to keep communication to email. That can help avoid the emotional impact - or at least some of it.

Also, after a confrontation, don't reflect on what she said. Instead, think about what YOU said and did. Give yourself kudos for everything you did right. Feel proud of yourself. Allow yourself to smile as you realize how well you handled the situation.

Altho I don't know for sure what "walked" means
;-) . ?
I did have a gut reaction : I myself might try hard to be near other ppl when she comes along.

gotta go, it's late

PS : And there is keeping a list of things she says and does, just in *case* you ever decide to go over head. A nice, long list.
/ There can be feeling others out, attempting to find what portion of the others get harrassed