I am so sorry to hear this. It sounds like you have not had a very fulfilling childhood. I have had a similar situation except mine was with my mum's sister. Since I was little I've experienced bullying from her which affected my mental health as I got into adulthood. I then began doing self-love meditations and I decided to cut her out of my life because I made a choice to love myself first and to not invite negative people into my life. I know this I quite different for you because she is your mum, but if she makes you feel unloved and just brings you down, maybe you need to spend some time away from her and start focussing on your self, or you could try family counselling? I hope everything goes well for you :)

Thank you SeekingInnerStrength for the words of encouragement. I am sorry about how your aunt treated you. I can understand how she made you feel. It is not a good feeling being bullied by a family member. I have been in counseling this summer again. My mother's twin sister...my aunt bullied my most of my life too especially when my grandmother had to leave her home and come live with my mother because she had a gambling problem and lost everthing. She was the first family I told I was gay because I thought she loved me and would not judge me. But she turned on me to get back at my mother because she felt my mother was not caring for my mother the way she would have. So when my grandmother passed and my mother buried her in cemetery that my grandmother's insurance policy would pay for, my aunt took it out on me by bullying me with words like "I know how you are", I know why your mother is mad at you, and when I told my 4 year cousin I would take him to zoo, she replied "I'll go to". That hurt the most because she was incentuating that I was a pedophile too because I am gay. This was in 2013 and I just sent her text asking her how she was last week in 2018. She said during this text conversation that she didn't understand why I cut her off even though I told her in 2013 how she hurt me. She likes to dismiss other people's feelings. This is the same person who put her son out of her house when he was 17 because he didn't want to home come at a decent hour. His father allowed my cousin free reign when he lived with him in L.A. for two years. So when he came back home to live with his mother he didn't want to listen to her. He doesn't speak or see his mother today. And this is same aunt who has never told her son that his father who he called father was really not his father. My cousin will be 50 years old this year and doesn't know the real truth. But my uncle told him out of anger in front my aunt and he just looked at my aunt and never asked her what our uncle was talking about. So you see the type of person my aunt is. She is critical about every body else but herself. And she is keeping this dark family secret from my cousin. His soul and spirit knows the truth but his flesh doesn't want to question his mother about it.

Hello TC. Welcome to DS.

Bummer that your mother is such a ____insert word of choice here____.

Great news that you have other family members worth visiting.

Sigh. . . My least favorite anxiety rides are the ones that have such wide extremes to swing through. Do I scream about the first or happy dance for the second? Why can't life be simple? Can't we *just* pick one and make it work?

Steadying support while you work it through, TC. Welcome aboard.

Your mother is a whackjob, if she was a stranger, you'd see that someone like that shouldn't put you on pins & needles (as you are genuine)
you are stuck because you want validation from your mother... but she is a whackjob so if she was giving you validation it be from a whackjob

go home, enjoy your father & family, look at your mother with a mask on - feel sorry for her in that she'll never know what it is like to be warm and give warmth, realize that she is small & cold, she has no power over herself therefore she has none over you

tcampbell, I feel your pain. I can relate to your posts. I have had to learn to love myself before I can expect others to love me. My Mom was very abusive and her sister, my aunt, was a bully also. She even gave me a terrible haircut one time when I was about 13. It was her idea. I was at her house and she asked if I wanted a haircut. I was a kid and she was an adult, so I said yes. Now that I'm an adult and I think back on all the terrible things she said and did to me, I wonder how she could sleep at night.

Anyway, have you heard of the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud? I read that book and it helped so much to see that I didn't have to be a victim to other people's abuses. I am a beautiful creation of God who doesn't deserve to be someone else's whipping post. It may help you to understand that when they are abusing you, it says so much more about them and their character or lack of, than it says about you.

Saying a prayer that you are able to enjoy your family visit. See if you can get a copy of the book before you go. I think it will help you learn to set boundaries with them.

Go home. Put your well-being first. Spend time with those people who are positive. Limit your feelings with your mother. You are NOT responsible for how she feels, what she says. Just because she says and does those things does NOT make them true.
It's really hard to separate those feelings, but it is so freeing in that you will be able to enjoy the rest of the family in positive moments.
For those negative and hurtful moments, it's the person's problem who is doing them. Make your response a positive one for your well-being.
Best wishes.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you...