Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hi all, really glad to be here. I had a conversation with my therapist today and we decided I need more support. So here I am, ha. I have now more often very intense episodes (or spirals as I call them) of anxiety that drops eventually into depression and suicidal thoughts. Otherwise, anxiety is persistent throughout the day like a medium buzz. I often have very unhealthy coping mechanisms like making myself have the sensation of throwing up (has to do with the vagas nerve). Or unfortunately, hitting myself. It's really hard just typing that. As of lately it's been severely affecting my appetite and my sleep. There's days I skip meals completely. All of that to say, I've been on various cocktails of medications for years. To this day, I still don't notice a difference. Nothing seems to have much of a breakthrough for me. If anything, smoking weed levels me out more than those meds do. And I don't want to take pills forever. Also, I'm very much an empath. I carry all of this from growing up in an anxiety riddled home. No emotions aloud. My dad was physically there, but wasn't. My brother was sexually abused by his babysitter at age 2. My dad dealt with it by emotionally abusing him for as long as I can remember. There's other examples, but that's the type of person he is. My mom divorced him as I was starting high school. One day she just left, he wouldn't sign the divorce papers. My mom had a miscarriage before having me. My dad left her at the hospital. It was constant emotional abuse mostly directed at my brother and my mom. Physically only once with my brother, I remember sitting on the couch not really sure what to do. I was shy, so I kept to myself. I just watched it happen and then developed a stutter from probably 2nd grade to 6th grade I want to say? The stutter was completely due to the family dynamic, I'm sure of it. My brother still suffers from the trauma. My mom as well. I've since then, decided to cut my dad out of my life. Not legally, I just don't want to talk to him anymore. I guess that's the short of it. Hope to connect with people with similar experiences. Much love to all.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
You've taken the important first step in writing it out.
Keep writing in a private journal as you sort through the words, thoughts, emotions, feelings, and ways you manage them. You'll find patterns that you can distract the usual to help you find your better balance.
Best wishes as you figure out what works for you.
Being a kid, and seeing someone you love being abused n not being able to do something about it causes alot of inner turmoil.
Being a sensitive person or empathic can be a result of the trauma. You had to constantly scan the room for clues, visuals, moods of others to see how safe or unsafe it would be. You carry this over to other aspects of your life, and you find yourself constantly drained n needing to isolate to decompress.
Your stuttering conclusion can definitely be a result of an abusive environment that manifest in the physical.
Your dad doesn't need to be in your life. Especially if he hasn't made an effort to change or make amends for his despicable behavior. You don't owe him anything. Creating and raising children is a privilege and choice. He has to live w his failures as a person.
This is where I will tell you to stop carrying that burden of failure for him. That's what cowards do. They project their filth n issues into the innocent but they can't handle it. I really hope they you, your brother, and mother get into therapy if you haven't already.
Your father, has taught you that you don't deserve love and you're not worthy of basic love, kindness, or respect. You have to seize this opportunity to challenge that thinking n heal that hole. Many others in your situation can turn to drugs, self medicating, self harm, self sabotage to recreate that inner hole for a very long time in their lives until they crash n burn.
You can start proactively learning about self love, self worth, self validating, healing from emotional abuse.
Look up stuff on - learning how to trust myself and intuition. Chances are... you have good gut instincts if you are empathic. However you have learned to dismiss yourself n listen to the negative voice in your head, the voice of your abuser. Start practicing trusting your intuitive voice. The voice that makes you grow, believes in your thoughts n abilities, the voice that leads you to good choices. It will help w your self doubt.
Life is not completely lost, and the scars you carry from this experience doesn't have to stain everything you touch. You CAN and you WILL heal from this. You just have to be proactive about it.
Sending you light and love, and to your mom and brother as well.
At risk of going "Off Topic," I was a bit blown away by your user name. Not too many people know about Dymphna, the patron saint of mental illness. How did you come to know of her?
Getting back on topic. . .
My very first psych pros (early 70's) steered me toward peer support. My first long-term shrink insisted I think of him as a reference book which never leaves the library; that my goal should be to get him back on the shelf as quickly as possible. He placed me in group therapy and was quite insistent about finding as many peer support groups as we could find.
Fast forward half a century and I believe him more than ever. Pro guidance has been quite valuable in my healing journey, but it is my peers who have my back in the proverbial trenches.
Welcome to one of the nodes on my peer support network. I hope it serves you as well as it has served me. It works if you work it and you are worth it.
I also do two techniques that help me when I am struggling. I hope you find them helpful.
The 557 breathing technique is take 5 deep breaths in while thinking good thoughts about yourself like I matter, I am special, I am strong and then hold the breaths for the count of 7 focusing on those words about yourself, then let out the breath slowly for 5 seconds letting go of any anxious, self-defeating, unhealthy thoughts. I do this one to three times a sitting. The gratitude journal is writing down something good every morning and night something that went well in the day, or something I appreciate about myself. Taking our focus off of the anxiety and depression and focusing on positive uplifting things really helps. What you think is what you believe. So thinking uplifting things you believe those things but the reverse is true - thinking negative self-defeating things, you will believe those. I will be praying for you. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat. Hugs and God Bless
I also had a very emotionally abusive father, in many ways. For years I was never good enough or smart enough or anything enough in his eyes. He left my Mother with four children under the age of 9. It was difficult and very painful. I also have had emotional issues throughout my entire lifetime evenas an adult. I have been on medications and in and out of the hospital with stress induced issues. Well I decided that it was time to let him go and live my life and to be the person who I am. His constant putting me down and not loving me finally hit the fan. You have to make the choice to distance yourself from toxic people, even if it is your own Father.
Years of abuse are no longer to be tolerated by you from anyone. Fathers I think feel that you owe them something even if they treat you badly.
Know in your heart that it is OK to let him go, remember that you have a Father in heaven who loves you and wants you to be happy.
You are doing the right thing by reaching out to people, even complete strangers. Because we are all other boat afloat together and there are so many wonderful people in this world who truly care. Many have gone through similar situations and worse and have come out the other side happier and healthier. Dont give up on your dreams, you don't have to be angry with your Father because we don't know what he went trough in his life to treat others the way he does. And you may never know,but realize that we all have our own story, but we can only be in control of our own story and strive to make it better bit by bit. My Father passed away a few years ago and my pain with him is gone. You will find peace but begin by forgiving and moving forward.
I believe you can and will do it.
Peace to you and your heart.