Are there particular events in which you dissociate?

Typing them out and sharing them can help sort your way to the source.

when im about to search something important on youtube, like if its about mental health or trauma and then also when i leave a room and turn off the light ill look back and the light will be off and i will be so confused and think somebody else turned off, and when someone asks me to do something like my mom tells me to grab something from the basement when i get there i will totally forget what she asked for, yesterday it was happening a lot under an hour and i was starting to get irritated and i actually almost cried because of the frustration

Inside my own herstory, the disorientation and forgetting within my daily routine is a symptom that I am repressing memories --AGAIN. When I repress old trauma memories, my memory function, both long and short-term memory, is affected. It is, indeed, enough to frustrate a body to tears.

Within what you have listed here, the youtube searches seem to be the trigger. Is that possible? Repressed memories or doubts of seeking treatment through youtube gurus? I know I find it hard to trust the wisdom of youtube gurus.

Keep venting and sorting, Sfay. Your own answers are in there.

Listening. . .

I, too, also find myself dissociating more. I shut down at the smallest sign of anxiety. In response to that, I have given up on many things throughout my life. I have been listening to the audiobook, Feeling Good, by Dr, David Burns. He has some really insightful and beneficial information to provide. I have a pdf that I printed off. It is called the Burns Triple Column Technique and it has you to write down what the triggering situation is and also lists the 10 cognitive distortions that could be stemming from it. It has a column at the end that has you to create a "rational" response. I have it with me and still have yet to do it...good ol' anxiety! I have done a lot of research on it and it is supposed to be very effective. This is something that you could try. I research a ton of stuff and save it to google drive, being excited and looking forward to diving into it. I then find myself too overwhelmed because I can't make a decision on what to read up on first. Vicious cycle. I am on quite a few meds and it has affected my short term memory...so I completely understand the frustration in that. Just try to keep focusing on your triggers and get on here and vent away! We are all together in this... Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone.

you explained a lot how i feel, i also cant describe my emotions because its confusing sometimes and what you just said described perfectly what i feel, i will definitely take a look at that book.