Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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CPTSD and returning to work

KaneMuro
KaneMuro

Hello everyone, I hope you're having a great mental health day!


I wanted to ask for advice. I've been on leave from my job since March 2020, when I had a serious breakdown. Although it had been building for some time, one of the triggers was a mistake I made at my work where I misoperated a machine that almost was ruined.  My boss is a really great person for letting me come back. This particular task at work was only done one day a week, he would call it our "chill" day. Just 3 or 4 of us doing this job that involves sometimes extended periods of time where we are basically standing around. The other days are basic manual labor that I enjoy and find peaceful. The last day of the week is this other task where I almost have a panic attack some days where I feel like I need to keep finding busy work just to not be standing around. 


I've been weighing the option of asking that I work somewhere else and not operate this piece of machinery, which is a little too complex to remember all the steps to operating it when you're an English major with CPTSD and difficulties in concentrating. 


I'm just wondering how to go about even asking. I believe my boss enjoys this day the most because it is just a few of us. I feel like I'm going to offend him if I ask to do another task, but I also feel like if I explain more about my condition, he'll just be bewildered. I'm not sure what my rights are, like if I can be fired for asking that. I know he probably wouldn't, but the fear is still there. 


I've learned a lot about my condition in the year since I've been working. Would it be worth it to talk to him about it, or should I just keep my mouth closed and just go back to work and be grateful that I kept my job after my breakdown?

arfie
arfie
I might go for a mix of the two. It might be great exposure therapy for you to get back on that proverbial pony and show it who's boss. Still, repressing your anxiety in order to keep your mouth shut is asking for trouble. When I do my own exposure therapy, I like to have stabilizing support to get me through the trial. That way I can be honest about my feelings while gently nudging myself back onto that proverbial pony.

Your boss sounds like a great enough guy that he might even be a candidate for the stabilizing support. Maybe. You are the one with that inside info.

Whichever way you take it, gentle support while you get back in the traces. It's okay to be nervous. It's a pretty big deal.

For what it's worth
My hubby is an English Major.
Girl howdy, I'm stifling the English Major jokes right now.
How many English Majors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
mtd
mtd
Is it possible to write all the steps down in a small notebook you can keep with you so you can consult it when operating the machine? If possible, would that be something to consider to help ease the anxiety of operating the machine? I don’t think your boss would be hard to talk to about what is going on with you, since it appears you have been off the job for well over a year and he’s letting you come back. He has to know why you left, at least to some extent. So he must be a pretty reasonable person, especially in light of you admitting you almost ruined a piece of machinery. Maybe it would be best to discuss this with him and clear the air, let him help guide you through this.. If the use of a notebook helps you remember steps, that’s a lot of worry off your shoulders, think of it as a user manual. Best wishes
Community LeaderMid
Mid
I would use a notebook and write out every single step for this piece of equipment.

To go for it one time and follow all the steps will remove this off your 'list'.

You can do this!
Brockster
Brockster
Not knowing how the shop is set up, is it possible to rotate on this task? Only do it every other week or less rather than every week? Doing it here and there (the notebook with the steps seems like a good idea) might be good to help you get back in the saddle without feeling too overwhelming.

Just as a thought, you could maybe express to your boss your concern about having screwed up on the machine before and that you don't want to bust this piece of machinery so it might be better if someone else worked it? You can express that your anxious about using the machine, but it also frames it in a way that you're concerned about it impacting him.

Hope you're able to come up with a solution that works for everyone.
KaneMuro
KaneMuro
Thank you all so much for your suggestions! I suppose part of what I'm wondering is how much of my illness should I disclose to my boss. He only knows that I left for mental health reasons, and that's it. Another part is the horribleness my mind tells me about everything and everyone around me. I'm under the impression that if I reveal too much to him that he'll decide I'm not worth the effort to work with, although I know this is completely inaccurate. But I deal with constant intrusive negativity, all day every day. It's hard to sort out certain things, even when a part of me is convinced of one thing or another.
Mk1
Mk1
It sounds like your boss gives this day to you guys as a treat - a day off without having a day off - at the fact that you prefer doing more work, and don't want the day off... It doesn't sound like your boss would be offended by that. Just tell him that you want to keep busy, I'm sure he'll understand. In terms of revealing about your condition, the answer is really add much as you want or need to. You probably could or should explain a little bit, as it might help explain why you need to keep busy, but if you see him as a confidant, then tell him more... And in three long run, it'll help you
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