A bit of a weird title but I will explain that in a second. I know I'm making another post in practically the same day but I want to know if anyone else expiriences the same thing.

These past few days have been hard all this morning I felt so bad. Like my head was very weird I felt like I was still dreaming. Everything felt like it was gonna send me into a spiral I just wanted to be alone. Fidgeting has been very bad for me lately I am constantly moving as a distraction to keep myself out of that place but I have to stop moving eventually.

Just felt like my head was underwater and almost like a weird panic attack but I wasn't outwardly panicking. Just small faint bursts of panic. Another thing that has been happening is with my taste and smell.

This is hard to explain but all I can think to describe it is like it tastes empty. Every now and then I get this weird smell in my nose out of no where but lately it has been frequent and seems to connect with bad mental health days. It's almost metal-y? Well now it has become a feeling in the back of my throat as well as a taste. Doesn't taste like metal but it's tastes empty. My throat feels like emptiness.

It's kinda like the feeling when you are going to cry but not. It doesn't feel like a lump and I don't feel like I'm going to cry. Idk how to describe this I probably sound crazy. It just doesn't feel good and I want it to go away.

A couple days ago I also started having some dreams that weren't things that have ever happened to me specifically but gave me feelings that I've felt before. Bad feelings. Like I am scared and small and helpless. I hate those feelings it's awful. The feeling lasts all day because I keep remembering the dreams. Thankfully last night I didn't have a dream like that but dreaming in general still makes me uneasy. Especially on days like these. 

And to top it off my sister won't stop being angry about the stupid party thing apparently people are telling her stuff my mom apparently said even though it soinds nothing like what my mom would say. Everyone at that party was high off their asses idk why she is believing them. Half of them probably didn't even know where the hell they were.

I don't want to pick sides I can't think right now and it's making me so mad that she won't just drop it. Maybe her friends should stop lying to their parents and getting my mom in trouble. She was just coming to pick them up and my sister is acting like it's the end of the world that the party was "crashed". I know this is a big part of her life right now she is in this moment and I am not but gosh it's annoying.

I don't know exactly how she's feeling and don't want to. She just doesn't understand that this is not significant to life people will forget. They won't even remember this party new things will come up in life and it will fade from their memory. She will understand later in life though I am sure.

Okay sorry for the long post again gonna try to not take up too much space here for a while now. I just finally found some words to describe things and hope someone might understand.