And for the record, I'm not suicidal. Just depressed.

I've been at the end of the rope for a long time no, still questioning how long I can just continue to keep "holding on" and what not.
You ain't alone, trust me.

21 is pretty young to label yourself a "loser". No matter what you've done in the past, you have plenty of time to turn it around.

It's hard to believe that "no one likes you ." You're still at the age where
it feels important for everyone to like you. As you get older you will
realize that your self worth is not decided by other people.

I'm nice to everyone. If they choose not to like me , they can go screw themselves.

All too often, depression is not easy to decipher once we reach a certain level of "normal-depressed".

This is where it is important to make sure you get hydrated, get moving, and keep moving until your energy syncs. Once this happens, the depression lifts enough to give you the ability to deal with the anxiety symptoms that happen with depression.

Best wishes to finding what works for you to make it through this.

Just when you think you're at the end of your rope, you'll find there is another 10 feet or so that magically appears under that. I know it's just a figure of speech, but replying in the same way I'd have to tell you that we are all capable of making more rope. Find things to get yourself out of your head when everything is toxic in there. Find things that require enough of your concentration that it puts an end to the internal dialogue of "why am I such a mess", "do I deserve this because I'm a genuinely bad person who people would naturally dislike."....or whatever conversation it is that bounces around your head. I used to go on and on in my head forever analyzing if it was the mental abuse I suffered as a child and teen that screwed me up and brought on the depression and anxiety, or was this just my nature and I was actually just a defective machine. The true fact is that it doesn't matter. You are where you are and you can stay there pondering it, or you can start climbing. Most likely you are not worthy of dislike. Most likely it is that when a person is troubled, depressed and anxious you give off an aura and facial expression that has bad drama written all over it. Also don't overly share your troubles with others. It puts people off and they will avoid you since they have their own troubles. It's one thing to let a friend know where your at emotionally but a person who calls you regularly and is continuously met with the miseries and hardships of your day won't be a regular caller for long. Also put away habits that set you off. I had to give up on watching the news and reading newspapers for more than a year because it would enrage me. When I tried getting back to them a year later the old feelings returned in just a few weeks. Now I have put them down for good most likely and don't really care. The state of the world is beyond my control so what does it matter anyways.
Well.....I hope I didn't over write this, but this is what helped me and I'm much, much better now. Almost normal I'd say after 5 years of depression and a year of anxiety. So it can be done. Curb the internal dialogue, put aside the things that set you off. Forgive yourself and try to live yourself the best you can, and focus on the good in yourself not the bad. If you are kind, focus on that and feel good about it, and forget the fact and stop punishing yourself because maybe you aren't good at crowds or making friends easily.

Cheers and good luck. Msg me if I can help

I have the same thoughts in my head, it's very hard to believe that pple don't hate me. I've discovered that I'm keeping pple at a distance because I don't want to hurt anymore. Have had a couple of ( friends ) stop talking to me because they don't have these thoughts or feelings of self doubt so they don't understand. I'm glad for the push on getting rid of the stigma of depression/ anxiety hoping this will help them to understand us and not shun or call us names like ( phyco or lazy) I find it makes me feeling hated or unliked when pple react this way, but it's because they don't feel comfortable with our ( disease? ) it is not visible to them so some believe it all in our heads. ..but I know and I hope for you sake that you do find your way to cope with these thoughts and feelings you have and know that you are not alone.

I am in the same boat as you. I feel "lost" most days. Not knowing where I'm going or what I am doing. I try to surround myself with friends but it is hard when you are traveling for work and they have lives. I wish I could tell you a way to fix it. You can tell someone all day to look on the brighter side and whatnot but that won't really do anything. If you need or want to talk to someone just let me know. Talking about what is going on in your head is one of the best things that you can do.

Try eating some chocolate that can help!

I for one will take your advice and try to eat chocolate more regularly.