Steadying support, Green Eyes. I can't empathize much since I have so little experience with elder care, but caring for anybody of whatever age is an ongoing challenge. My self-care could qualify as senior care, but the 2 year old poking at my laptop disagrees.

I can totally empathize with anxiety triggering anger. That would be the bane of my existence and utterly to critical to control around that same 2 year old. That anger reflex plays Hell on all the other pieces of my life, as well.

Anger channeling exercises help me tremendously. I look for non-destructive ways to vent my anger. Beating up on the couch has qualified as an anger channel for me. I did damage I later regretted to my vehicles when I have random targeted my vehicles, so I throw a rock or two on my way to the car, instead. If I don't throw a cuss word or 50 during my anger channeling, they are guaranteed to come out at the worst possible moment. "Happy Fucking Birthday, stupid bitch" goes better in the shower than at the family gathering.

maybe if you can find a place of peace within you - like a stoic center - and hold onto that - you can be
affirmed by only the fact that you did a good thing and good work is its own reward.. for example, I had troubles
recently - but I dealt with it the way I knew was the responsible way of dealing with it - the outcome wasn't great
but I knew I did what I was supposed and that's a comforting thought.

I can empathize with you, having a very difficult mother. I want you to ask yourself: Is this situation really worth getting all stirred up to the point of panic attacks? I mean no disrespect, it is a simple and honest question to ask yourself. Is me getting upset going to help? I know some situations are not pleasant, but you will still walk away intact, your birthday will still come when it is time. This is a tactic I’ve been using on myself after getting upset and anxious at situations. It puts these situations more in perspective for me and gives me the ability to think it out with a clearer mind. Just food for thought. Remember, it isn’t the world you can control, but your reaction to it.

Just left and got to the store. I treated myself to an iced coffee. I am so glad that that visit is out of the way. Thank you for your advice. I had lots of experience with a difficult father. It helped me throughout my career as a legal secretary. I took care of him for almost 19 months after my Mom died. I tried to think positively about helping my Aunt. I was grateful that I had the health and means to help her. But my health status has changed. I am not in a good way. Just started therapy after many years of being on my own. I am happy about that.

good for you GreenEyes for self caring!!!!

I hope it was ok--today--spend some special time with that sweet kitten! Maybe you can figure out a way to kind of side step your Aunt's negative ways? or maybe dive right into it===lol...my family only wanted to hear negative and bad things when I went off to college--so after I realized this I would just not even bother telling anything good---I would tell them anything negative or having big drama--didn't even have to be anything in my life--didn't even have to be true...they ate it up! I did try to turn all their negatives into positives---but that was just exhausting--like swimming upstream.

Yay you, especially on the iced coffee treat. Giving myself a treat after I accomplish a difficult task helps enormously, even if the accomplishing went badly. Maybe especially when the task goes badly. In those cases, I'm usually scraping my ego out of the gutter. Positive affirmation needed more than ever.

I'm home and bargaining with myself about dinner. I may end up with cinnamon rolls. Thank you all for your thoughts.

Hi Green Eyes, I totally feel what you are going through. I am living the same experience with my mother. She lives with us, and I avoid going into the main parts of the house, as I may have to interact with her. I try to be tolerant, not angry, and not anxious about having forced conversations with her. However, it's not working well.

One thing that I've known for years is that I could never live with my Aunt. I would lose my mind. She never shuts up. She says almost everything that normal people would just think to theirselves. I'm just a quiet person. Talking takes energy. I hate repeating myself. And I don't need to hear the same story 100 times. I am happy to be home by myself. My kitten really acted up tonight. He insists on trying to bite the cord to my charger. He was really aggressive tonight. I can't wait til he calms down. Thanks to the last person to post. I feel bad for you. Sometimes I hate my Aunt. I'm sure you feel that way about your mother. I feel bad when she says that her and another aunt have lived too long. She says we all want them to die.