Hey everyone!  I’m a 40 y/o male.  Long history with Panic Anxiety.  20 years off and on.  I currently take Propranolol, Prestiq, xanax as needed.  Just as a frame of reference.  I guess I’m writing because in some way it’s distracting as I am mid anxiety attack right now.  Isn’t it funny how you feel good one minute and then bam!  Usually I have no definable trigger but I admit I do have health/death anxiety.  So this time I was listening to the radio and this commercial came on about high bp and stroke.  Let’s just say it was an awful commercial for me to hear...  I could feel me stress hormones pump up almost instantly.  I knew it was a bad call but I couldn’t stop myself from checking my bp. I’m afraid of heart attack and stroke stuff as many of us are.  It was high 148/96.  Pulse 74.  It’s interesting because in anxiety/panic states I do get bp spikes but my pulse doesn’t rise much.  It’s been that way since I started Propranolol (Beta Blocker) I used to have tachycardia so my Pulse would get well over 100.  In fact one time about 10 years ago I had the mother of all attacks and went to ER.  My pulse was 202.  

As I mentioned I have had struggles for 20 years.  Now don’t freak out newbies because it’s not like a 20 year panic attack.  Haha.  It’s been great for a year or 3 and bad for 6 months and good for 3 months and bad for 2 weeks, you get the point.  My anxiety panic is cyclic it seems. I have been in my current state for about a year with many ups and downs.  2 weeks Ok 2 weeks not so good 1 week great and the next week awful.  

Ive been on a Pristiq for about 3 months.  1 month at 100mg.  I have mixed feelings because the ups and downs I experienced with or without it.  Lately I have had a more realistic or mature or rather experienced attitude when faced with an attack as opposed to full freak out.  So that could indeed be a function of Prestiq.  I did try and come off of it once about a month in and I just want to say I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you taper under doctor supervision.  Do not cold turkey this stuff.  But I will also mention that over the years I developed an extreme sensitivity to ssri type medication so after manymany failed attempts to start again I reluctantly accepted that I must try Pristiq and surprisingly “for me” I found this medication relatively tolerable.  The first week or two is always a little weird but this one wasn’t terrible.

I will offer this > For the literal thousands of attacks I had and every one of them I was convinced I was going to die... I never did.  Uncomfortable?  Absolutely.  Unwanted?  Of course.  But please accept you are ultimately stronger than the fear.  It is so hard but BELIEVE that your attack or anxious state WILL PASS.  Don’t fight it just say well I guess I’m in for a ride for the next 20 minutes or 2 hours but it will pass eventually.  It sounds so simple but it is as close to impossible as anything to have a rational mind when you are in that state.  Trust me I know.  Every single attack is a struggle even though you’ve experienced it many times it really doesn’t make this one much easier.  But with practice you will very slowly retrain your brain to accept that you have been there before and IT WILL PASS.  

Im ok.  My BP has returned to normal.  I’m a little tired from the attack and .25mg xanax I decided to take but I didn’t die and I will continue to work towards clearing and freeing myself from this stupid affliction.  Fear is the mind killer.  I hate being a 40 year old man and feeling like a scared 9 year old little girl during these moments.  

I just want to say that if anyone would like a personal support anxiety helper friend and would like to reciprocate, I would love to have someone to relate to and talk to semi regularly.  I’ve found it challenging to talk to those that haven’t really experienced it first hand only because even if they are compassionate, they really can’t quite relate.  I personally haven’t found counseling tremendously helpful.  It was suggested that I haven’t found the right one.  Maybe so but there’s nothing like talking to a friend or sibling or someone who really understands.  Please reach out to me.  I would love to help and honestly I could use support as well.

I wish you all well.  We can get to the other side of this.  Let’s all keep going.  Let’s all take a brief moment and think of the wonder and how strangely lucky we are to breath and feel.  Life isn’t always easy but it is the beautiful moments that make it worthwhile.

-B

P.S. I would really really like to recommend a podcast that I recently found so incredibly interesting and helpful.  It is called The Anxiety Coaches Podcast.  The episodes are only twenty minutes and not all of them are speaking directly to me but I will say the host Gina knows her stuff and she really knows what you are going through because she experienced it herself.  Just a little recommendation that I find informative, helpful and comforting.  Be well!