Hi Kabby, your husband is probably grieving. We all handle death differently. Give him some time. You might want to ask him how you can support him.

You can still stay on track with your routine. Yoga and Pilates can be done at home. If you don’t feel comfortable going out on walks you can always substitute other aerobic exercise or something like Tai Chi. You might also try deep breathing from you lower belly to calm the flight or fight instinct caused by anxiety. Meditation can also help. Do you journal? Journaling how you feel and if you know, why you are feel the way you do can help you get your thoughts and emotions out and identify any trends.

Please post for support as often as you need. Everyone her is very supportive.

I really feel for you. Anxiety is so real, and panic attacks are so intense. Adding the lockdown on top of it can feel so heavy. But you sound like a strong person who has found a lot of things to help you cope with the anxiety, so keep doing those. The Lord is with you and will walk with you through all these challenges. Cling to him and read the word, which is so comforting and uplifting.

As far as your husband goes, please don't take it personally that he's pushing you away and ignoring you. He is in the depth of grief and loss and sometimes people go inward to process it. What that looks like is shutting everything else out so the feelings can be experienced, pondered, and eventually healed. Others process grief outwardly and need to talk to people. Everyone deals with grief differently, and it can seem wrong to someone else, but it's so important for your husband to be able to grieve in his own way.

Just let him know that you love him, that you know he's hurting, and ask what you can do. Pray for him and for his healing. Typically, it takes a whole year after a death when all the "firsts" come along, i.e. the first Christmas without the loved one, the first birthday of the loved one, a date that was special between him and his father, etc. You can find on the internet an explanation of the stages of grief (there are 5) to help you better understand what he's going through.

Please know that if the death was sudden/unexpected, if it was traumatic (such as a murder), or if your husband had unresolved issues with his father, all of these things add to the complexity of grief. You can gently encourage him to seek grief counseling or join a grief group if it seems that he's not processing his grief in a healthy way. Grief groups exist at hospitals, churches, mortuaries, and hospice organizations.

Perhaps in the past you've relied on your husband to help you with your anxiety. And maybe he's not available to you right now. That can be a good thing, as you're forced to rely more on God now, but also perhaps to find someone else you can turn to for support...a close family member or friend, or a women's support group at your church. The more relationships you have in your life that go beyond superficiality, the better. We're not meant to do life alone; we all need a community!

One other thing I'd recommend is this: when you feel anxious or feel a panic attach coming on, sit down, quiet yourself, breathe deeply and slowly, and pour out your heart to God. Tell him all your thoughts, all your worries, all your heartbreaks. He truly understands and wants you to turn to him and trust him. Make sure you combat lies about yourself with truth, as the enemy of your soul loves to make you feel bad and worthless. And make sure you bring perspective to your worries about the future, as most worries never come true. We humans don't like feeling like we don't have control, and this lockdown/pandemic/social unrest definitely makes us all feel like we've lost control! But we know who holds us in the palm of his hands...what better place to be? I wish you well and send you an e-hug.

When grief is expressed by wanting to be left alone, it's often because the feelings are so overwhelming that it's hard to find a clear thought.

Writing it out here is a safe way to get your feelings, thoughts, and emotions expressed.

Stay hydrated. Practice even breathing.

Best wishes as you find your better balance.